Hello everyone, I'm new here. - Al-Anon Family Group

BlueBequia · Newbie

Hello everyone, I'm new here.

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

HI BB and welcome. You are among friends here. Alcoholism is such a vicious disease affecting everyone it touches. He isn't thinking about what this is doing to you. His one and only concern right now is his alcohol. He has no control over this as the disease is controlling him. Practice what you are learning in Al-Anon. Focus on you and your well-being.

Take one day at a time and Let go and Let God.

((BB))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. I want to ditto Cloudyskies' post. I couldn't say it any better. Keep coming back.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

BB I often remind ones that their brains are broken from the abuse of whatever drug. They do not think like a non A does. So there is no use trying to rationalize it.

It is a disease, it is not curable and you can do nothing to help him sadly.

He cannot stop just becuz he chooses to or wants to. Its part of the disease. They have to reach a certain point of their total being to be able to stop, and not even they know when that will be or if it will.

I lost a very good man to the disease that was a childhood friend, and I have his son. I had to get away from him as he was dangerous.

Anyway welcome to MIP, this is a great home, and you are more than welcome here! love!

BlueBequia · Newbie

Thank you. Between your written replies and the meeting I just attended in person I am feeling more at peace.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome MIP...so glad you found us and al anon. You are not alone. We understand your situation and your experiences. Keep coming back to share, we are good listeners.

BlueBequia · Newbie

I am finding my family's reaction to my leaving very painful. It took people by surprise. No one but my closest friends knew and I guess no one ever really knows what a marriage is except the two people in it. My husband does not get drunk every night but he does walk in the door and get a scotch or two and then wine with dinner. The problem comes out of the blue. He drinks and drinks seemingly unaware of what he's doing. I will say that I would prefer to sleep alone without rancor and he gets angry then he will get in the car and drive 4 hours to NY and not remember why. He comes back and is amazed that it has happened, feels awful and temporarily realizes he has a problem. then he sort of gets back to his normal which I would call fairly heavy drinking again. He "quit" drinking for a month after the last incident then limited himself to 3 drinks a week for another month and because he was able to do that he feels he doesn't have a problem. I am devastated. My first husband became addicted to cocaine and alcohol when our daughter was 3 years old. I asked him to leave after 2 hospitalizations and one unsuccessful rehab stay. Now married 21 years to my current husband I find that the last 5 years have been hellish because of his drinking. Is there something wrong with me? My two husbands could not be more different than one another.My first husband blew off his daughter and never paid child support. My second husband is responsible took good care of my daughter in loving way and we had 15 happy years. Now the drinking has escalated and I can't handle it anymore ! why does this happen? I guess I can't explain it. It just seems so strange

dyinalileachday · Newbie

It's like I want to give up on him, I am at a loss. I can't help him.

I pulled him out of the river, during an elecrical storm, while he held me doen for 20 minutes, i pray to my HP and ask him safe passage while i try to save his life. 20 minutes, i watched in awe at the lightning. i had to half carry him to a motel at the road, where i had to coddle him to fall asleep.

i can't do this eeryday, every week = i can't make him leave my house in fear that the consequences this time will be his death.

his family wont help me. i am alone trying to help/save him.

and i am the enemy.

the only person on earth, that cares if he lives or dies, and he treats me worse than a dog in a cage.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

BB and dyin the problem for us becomes temporary when we get into the Al-Anon Family Groups and focus on what is important for us and our responsibility...our own lives. So many of our stories are similar and then so many of our recovery stories too. I knew nothing about the diseases of addiction and alcoholism when I finally hit the wall and entered Al-Anon. I didn't know and didn't even know that I didn't know. I did know that everything I tried and thought I knew about getting and staying happy as a couple flew in the face of reality. Everyday that the disease ran our lives was a day that we got worse beyond belief. Today I don't need to focus on the losses and the resentments which drove my thoughts and feelings and behaviors into insanity....it is not necessary. What is necessary is that I participate in my own recovery for myself and with others doing the same thing. This is a "we" program and it works when...we work it. Keep coming back. ((((hugs)))) smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.