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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update on my having left home
Post Info TOPIC: Update on my having left home
Katy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 717
Date:
Update on my having left home
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Well I am having good days and bad, and I can't help but think how painful it is leaving someone that hurts me so much and makes me feel anxious and fearful all of the time even though this feels like the right thing to do and even though I have taken way to long to have the courage to do it yes it still leaves me feeling sick to my stomach, hes still made no contact but he knows where I am, he asked my son if I was happy, and son said I dunno dad are you happy, husband just replied if your mother is happy I am happy! well I can't say I am happy yet but I can say I am relieved and I am at ease and trying to get myself to a better place, I panicked a bit yesterday because my husband appears to be playing games with my son now, whilst I was in the marriage that was a huge problem my foucus was always on trying to keep hubby happy, it seems like madness now I am out of it, I wasn't fair to my children because I was trying to pander to a grown mans needs, and I never could anyway so it was all for nothing.

I know there will come a point where we will need to meet and I really don't want to, the reason I left was because I was going out of my mind with frustration over his lack lustre attitude to want to make anything better, or acknowledge at least what I was telling him I felt.

I am also amazed at the things I am hearing as to why I left, he told me on our holidays I did nothing to lift his spirit, he said I had not made him a better person, lol if he had of done all I suggested he would of been a marvellous person, but alas he never took a blind bit of notice, it was no life for me living with this man, I could never be me now I am trying to get me back, I have grown some balls!

love 

Katy

  x

 

 

 



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Katy
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
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Dear Katy Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your heart. It is a difficult time and even when the relationship is not perfect we will grieve the loss of it.

Please keep taking care of yourself and sharing. Reflecting on what I could have done or should have done was not helpful at this time There will be time for that reflection when you are ready to make peace with the past

You are not alone so please stay in the moment and in the day.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7576
Date:
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I can remember those initial days of separation. The pain I felt was helpful to me in that it led me to focus on me and do what I needed to do to ease the pain I felt and increase my gratitude for what I was no longer subjecting myself to within the confines of a marriage that wasn't healing as marriage is often meant to be. I felt tons of guilt in relationship to my kids. Learning to see that I had never intentionally hurt my kids and making adjustments where I could in relationship to them helped me move beyond the guilt which hindered my growth in treating myself with compassion and understanding. I certainly made mistakes in relationship to my precious treasures and I also did a lot well, too. Focusing on what I did and was doing well in relationship to my children was more healing and helpful for me and for them than choosing to focus on the mistakes I had made. Progress, not perfection in letting the past go and living in the one day I now have to practice the program principles makes life more enjoyable for me.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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No you have grown some ovaries!! lol it does seem so insane once we step back and look at things. Well he is manipulating as you know. Of course you were the best and gave the best. lol like its your job to make him happy or be a better person. that is impossible!

He may never know how to take care of him. My ex AH sure didn't.He went from mom to woman to woman. Then married me and I said uh uh I am not supporting you. get going on work. never went back to work as he is too wet brained and brain damaged from brain surgery.

Honestly you are doing great!!!! Don't take on too much. One day at a time. do what you have to then heal your body. I was just laying on my lounge chair, watching my chickens and chicks, ducks and ducklings in the pond. was so relaxing. doing nothing.

i did pretend my Mother was next to me for a minute. she woulda loved being there...

anyhooo thanks for the update!!! hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
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My situation is similar, its my daughter who stays with her dad and its hard but shes an adult and its her choice, all I can do is show her a healthy mum as an example for her. His words are not based on evidence katy, he talks through defective thoughts so they have no weight or power unless you give them power. Give yourself time to work on you and to grieve for what you hoped your marriage could be. Your doing so good.x

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Tampa


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 49
Date:
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I am planning on leaving in the middle to end of August when I get my student loan money. I do not care if I have a job yet or not. I will find something somewhere I'm sure of it. I just want a studio and I am thankful that I do not have children with this man I have chosen to be with the past 6.5 years. I am scared to death. He has been the greatest most wonderful man that has ever been in my life yet my worst nightmare at the same time. Good luck to you!



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sunshine23


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 76
Date:
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Leaving has been the best choice for me too. Instead of focusing on "why did I choose this man, why am I still here, why does he not see or just listen to me?", I get to think about me. The sadness I am feeling, the relief that I do not have to wake up at the slightest sound and the joy of seeing my kids not being upset about a drunk person in the house. These I could not feel or deal with while I was in the same house because AH is like a 10 year old constantly throwing tantrum and taking catnap. It has been an up and down journey especially when AH gets the chance to manipulate my guilt of abandoning him. However, I have to remind myself that he abandoned me long ago when he decided to not seek help or recovery. Take good care of yourself!

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update on my having left home