The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You know, it sure is safe to have someone else to focus on. I wondered for years why I stayed with my A...and after being apart and now divorced...I think I stayed in it for my self-esteem. I was NEVER as 'xxxx' up as HE was. As long as I focussed on him, I was a saint. Nothing wrong with ME.
Denial isn't just for As. When people would suggest to me that I should leave, I would always defend him, minimize, and DENY what I was getting from this sick relationship...
What might you be denying?
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 13th of March 2013 05:55:48 PM
Thank you for your honest self searching post. I too used denial as one of my tools to survive in the world. Growing up with alcoholism I learned to deny reality, and pretend all was normal from a very early age.
Alanon was the first place that I saw this in me and accepted that it was a destructive communication tool that hurt me.
Mostly I denied how unhappy I was in my marriage and pretended to support his fantasy dreams. I did that with everyone I did not know how to be honest and supportive without surrendering myself and invalidating my needs
Awesome post! I am in denial about what I am in denial about so how would I even know, lol. Kidding aside I am having red flags go up within me about a relationship I am having and I am noticing my vulnerabilities right now. I am just seeing what I get out of it that keeps me putting up with the other stuff at this point and then will come action. I met with a new counselor today who is well versed with alcoholism and I really like him. I am still taking care of me and growing even while slipping and living this crazy busy life of mine. Sending you all love and support on your journey's!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
oh yes, i was like a saint, taking care of everything, in control while he was drunk. i was a martyr and while i was watching him i never thought to look at me and my defects. thank goodness i can now be honest and look within and keep my hands off what doesnt belong to me. thanks for sharing.x
I'm in denial over .. where do I start? LOL? For right now I'm in denial over what I want and what is healthy for myself and the kids. I thought I was ready to date and had a good laugh over the past 2 weeks over what has transpired in my life. It has become clear I'm not ready to date anyone at this point, still lots of healing to go on. I'm also in denial even still over how sick the STBAX really is and that is frustrating for me. I know he's sick however I'm always surprised over how sick and how much further things apparently need to spiral. Alcoholism being a progressive disease and not being around him so much, it is always shocking to see how bad it really is in him and how my sickness rises to the occassion to be called.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Scary concept. Most of the time is takes the form of me saying "I'm okay with just 1 or 2 meetings a week" Then I start feeling and acting like an irritable jerk....then I up the meetings and calls to sponsor.
I practiced denial and magical thinking for years! I lied to myself about how bad things were. I promised myself that it can only get better, right? haha, that's a good one.
My therapist shared with me the acronym for denial: Don't Even Know I am Lying
