Often Times on this Journey thru life, I find that I Tend to Jump from Step to Step... Not So Much in order but to my choosing... I have a Dear Friend that Told me to Work them anyway I Wanted as long as I eventually got to them all... :) And I have, but this time of Year I tend to CLING too Step Eleven...
Sought through Prayer & Meditaition to imporve My Conscious Contact With God (As I Understand Him) Praying Only for Knowledge of His Will For Me & the Power To Carry that Out!
The Winter months are always Hardest on Me... You would think being a Christmas Baby I would LOVE this time Of Year... Welp... Truth Be known, I Could Honestly do without it... Don't get me wrong i Enjoy seeing the Kids get excited, and I'm Happy for them, but the Weather change, the Cabin Fever, the Short Days of Sun Shine, snow, Ice, abulances on go contantly, and then adding all the A's to the Equation, for me at times I Find to be To Much...
I Remember things being so differant before I was 9yrs old, I remember Happy Christmas & Family times, and its not that I don't have Happy ones now, but the Older I Get the Harder it seems to FEEL the Spirit of The Holiday, with so much constantly going on, I Miss the Simple Christmas were we all gather together & pig out, and it wasn't about all the gifts but just being under the same roof, laughing and talking about New & Old times, laying on the Floor watching Football with my Uncles & Dad, and being Comfortable no matter were we where as long as we were together... Seems most kids now could care as long as there is plenty of things to open for them... And i Know its not ALL Kids, but Alot couldn't tell you WHY we have Christmas, other then GIFTS... Makes me Sad I Guess...
That is why the 11th Step Helps me... I Now See that i Need & Desirve this Quiet time with My HP... I Need & Deserve to feel the way I Do at times, & I Need & Deserve my Meeting & Al-Anon/ACOA Family...I know many that fall into depression this time of year, EVERY year, and I get that... and maybe this is what is goin on with me, but I'm not goin to go have some one throw me some pills and not address what is really going on..That is were Al-Anon/ACOA Has Really Helped me Dig In to ME.... Pills seem to be the Quick Fix in my neck of the woods... Have some Pills and Your Life Will Improve..(NOT).. Sad Really... I have Loved & Lost Many that Way, and Frankly I'm Quite sick of it... Some I Suppose do it by choice, others do it because they know No other way, and are doing what is being told to them... I Know because I Too have Done it, and Realized the Pills was helping Some, but Made me Wonder down the Road, How it would effect my insides...Scared me Enough to Quit... Funny the things I worry about.. My Doctor laughs at me everytime i See her, because she tells me, "Your one of the Few!" Well GOOD... :0) I Never wanted to Follow Suit Anyway..
Makes me Wonder some times How so Many lived before us Without? And MANY Did... I Miss the Old School Way of Living sometimes, I Look back over my life sometimes and think... I"m Glad I Had to Struggle, It has Taught me to Stand up... I'm Glad I had Hard Times, It Taught me how to Respect what I do have, that I Got By Working for It Everyday, not waiting for It... I Can't Say I will Ever be Thankful for my Losses, but I Will forever be Grateful for the Time i got with those people, the people that Helped Shape me, and Give me Character, Maybe some not so good, but... Still Learning... :) Thanks To Al-Anon/ACOA I Can See... Its the Progress I make, not the excuses... I Was Always Good at Excuses Growin up in this Disease....
So For me... I Need to Keep my Contact with My HP and My Loving, Understanding, Caring, Compassionate Side, Needs to Surface more then it has been availible, I know I Can't, He Can... So I think I'll Let him :)
The Tools I have Learned Within the Walls of Al-Anon/ACOA Has been nothing short of little Miricles... I can be in such a place of disgust, and dispare and something as simple as "How Important Is it?" can Slap me back to... "Not Mine to Own, Let Go & Let God!" The Tools are the Gift For Me... The 12 "Gifts" are Great, but in my heart I know that there is a Ton more then 12 of them :)
Thanks for Letting Me Share
Much Love & Prayers to All
Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)
Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Great inspiring share on the past, the growth thru hard times and the importance of Step 11.
Step 11 was the first step I worked before I was capable of working any other. You are right Use the tools the best way you can and we grow!!!
Nice sharing the journey
Nice share Jozie!
you are so introspective! My life is the simple one, and yes it is better. You are so right I tell ya my friend spending the day with me doing wood, nice fire is better than any present.
And YES it is sad that it looks like Christmas is about what gift you are giving and getting for most, not all.,
I don't miss the presents I miss grampa laughing, and grama arguing with him, Mother smiling, my cousins from California visiting. Uncle Joe teasing us. dang uncle clint doing those horrible scalp rub things that hurt. mmmm all that lovely food. and even more relatives.
NOT one is left now. I don't remember presents, I remember being warm, happy full of good food. Feeling loved and loving them all so much.
I feel ya girl. hugs,debilyn now where is that hanky......sigh
Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves." http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon