The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am currently reading the complete ACOA source book by Woititz.
I have ended up reading it not only wiht a pen in my hand, but a highlighter.... wow... I have notes and highlights and I have devoured half it in a week!!!!!
Has this woman been following me around???
The chapter on the Myths is just ammaaazzzinnnggg
I never understood the fear of abandonment, I didn't relate to being afraid of being abandoned. I can cope on my own no problem. I didn't realise that saying "Maybe this relationship will be different" "I thought this one would be different but it isn't" Ididn't know that was a sign of fear of abandonment... that is like my catch phrase!!!!
I feel that his pot smoking takes him away from me. In the middle of a heated argument I will think about leaving and I will bring up the subject in my head and want to walk out on my marriage. At the same time I am asking him to confirm that he loves me and that he wants to still be with me. He has said over and over again that his smoking has nothing to do with me. He doesn't smoke because of me... he smokes because he wants to....
Wow... I must have a fear of abandonment... I never realised that.
Thanks for sharing! I am going to look for that book.
I find lately that what's hard for me is the stuff that I do know about myself - e.g. abandonment issues - but now that my husband has his hands on my ACOA issues, he's using them to blame me :( What you have said rings a bell, in thinking about leaving your marriage during an argument, but also wanting reinforcement of his feelings for you. A long time ago I remembering someone telling me that even children who have been physically abused by a parent will cry for that parent in the emergency room... that has stuck with me.
With that being said, I look forward to finding new perspectives and new ways to deal with my old stuff - not to mention learning new things about myself. Can't wait to see what your book has to offer!
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Just thought I would mention another great book that you can only get at adultchildren.org.............it is the big red acoa book. It is like the AA book for alcholics, but for ACOA's or anyone else that has grown up in a dysfunctional household. :)
If you get a chance' check out some of those pod casts on XA Speakers. I googled it, XA Speaker Alanon and it came to the page and there is some great speakers on there. They really help me when I am in my head too much. Just to listen to how people stopped the insanity of this disease in their heads... Keep coming! Great share here on that book :) HUGS!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
The ACoA Sourcebook is actually a compilation of three of Woititz's books - AdultChildren of Alcoholics, Struggle for Intimacy and The Self-Sabotage Syndrome. (If you have a Kindle, downloading the Sourcebook is the cheapest way to get all three.) Woititz also wrote Lifeskills for Adult Children and Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and an Alcoholic. I never married an A so have never read that last one, but the others are all excellent.
Red Hawk
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My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed. I have to cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world. A passion to make, and make again, where such un-making reigns.
DreamXL,this acoa brb is available also in amazon kindle very cheaply and without shipping fee...however i personally like Janet Woititz work about acoa and "hope for today" al anon daily text too
-- Edited by kadriliisa on Friday 22nd of July 2016 09:36:38 AM
