Found this on Codependency and thought I'd share with anyone else learning about this topic too.  It's quite scary but helpful to learn about ourselves in this process.  This is not Al Anon material, but was helpful to me when I read it.

Characteristics of Codependency
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1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you 
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you 
3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain 
4. My mental attention is focused on you 
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you 
6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way 
7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems 
8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain 
9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests 
10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me 
11. Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me 
12. I am not aware of how you feel. I am aware of how you feel 
13. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume 
14. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you 
15. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do 
16. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do 
17. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship 
18. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you 
19. I put my values aside in order to connect with you 
20. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own 
21. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours 

Are you Codependent?
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Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More developed this check list:

Do you feel responsible for other people--their feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being and destiny? 
Do you feel compelled to help people solve their problems or by trying to take care of their feelings? 
Do you find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others than about injustices done to you? 
Do you feel safest and most comfortable when you are giving to others? 
Do you feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you? 
Do you feel empty, bored and worthless if you don't have someone else to take care of, a problem to solve, or a crisis to deal with? 
Are you often unable to stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems? 
Do you lose interest in your own life when you are in love? 
Do you stay in relationships that don't work and tolerate abuse in order to keep people loving you? 
Do you leave bad relationships only to form new ones that don't work, either? 
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