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Post Info TOPIC: My HP reached out to me
jj


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 505
Date:
My HP reached out to me


The other day i was deep in tought about my a and his capability to love and weather my expectations of him are accepteble or not. I understand that i expect to much from him and that is a large part of my recovery. What i don't understan is why i can not ecpect him to still love me. He says that he does love me and sometimes i do feel it but not often however.


Any how I left my thoughts as unresolved and tried not to think about it so i didn't upset myself and try on concentrating on other things that i can change in me. Like not obsessing on the things i can not change and just accept it that the topic of love is one of uncertanty.


Yesterday i recieved an email and it was my HP giving me my answer. A letter from an alcoholic explaining love.


What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.


I never spoke to anyone on my thoughts and I truely believe that my HP gave me the answer to my question. I don't have to like the answer but i do recognise that I do have an HP and that he/she is looking after me. I think it was inportant for me to recognise this as a part of my recovery.


I hope this doesn't offend anyone i just thought it was important to post as i am sure that I am not the only one that would ask this question.


I don't want to believe that he is incapable in love however i do realize that it is deffinatly fogged and hope that he does deep down love me or what would i be in this relationship for???


I don't have all the answers to my questions but i know in time that they will be answered by either me or my HP


Thank you for listening
JJ



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 653
Date:

Thank you for your share. It really made me think, and I will send it to a friend. It would help her understand her A better. No-one likes to think of their A as being incapable of loving. Maybe they aren't totally ( at least I like to think that), but love in the only way they know how. My parents never once said they loved me, but I knew they did by some special little things they did for me. I tell my kids at least a couple times every time I see or talk to them. When my mother died, I had a horrible nightmare that she was sitting up in her coffin trying to tell me something, but she couldn't because her lips were sown together. I thought she was trying to say she loved me. It shakes me up just writing this!


My A tells me in many ways,( when he's sober, lol) by always giving me the best cut of meat, the first piece of cake...picking up after himself..


Anyway, thanks for the post, TLC



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Sending lots of TLC2U


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 281
Date:

I already have a few answers the following question. Why is it that many people believe if they do not have love from another person, they do have Love or access to Love?


Hugs & Luv,





-- Edited by richard at 08:23, 2005-02-06

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