Starting NEW - Al-Anon Family Group

Jackie · Newbie

Starting NEW

jj · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi jackie,

Welcome to this site. I am a new member my self and have only been comming here for about 2 weeks now and find it very helpful. All of the people here are wonderful and wise. I am glad you are here you found the right place.

Keep comming back
JJ

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi Jackie, well my A told me the thing an alcohlic hates the most is alanon.

Of course it is. Alanon makes you wise to the disease and after awhile it cannot manipulate you anymore, the disease cannot control you anymore.

See my thought was. so? so the disease gets mad. Who cares, it is just the disease talking. I would go anyway. My loved one being held captive in his own body would want me to go.

"Getting Them Sober," is a great book to get. by andrew rice Drew. sorry my cap thing is sick.

We learn when an A is yelling and blaming (abuse) it is the disease talking not your loved one. I just don't give it any thought and go do my own thing if the A is drunk or whatever.

It is a horrible thing to have a loved one be A. We also learn that we get as sick or sicker than they do becuz the disease just drags us in.

I finally got to the point of totally letting go. I love my husband to the tips of my toes and have for over thirty years. But the disease makes me so sick and it was ruining my life. I choose not to hear the abuse, the complaining the anger and evilness.

There are online meetings in the chat room. They are so good.

Welcome to this wonderful place. Keep coming back. love,debilyn

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

One way to start to help yourself and your kids is to learn as much as you can about this diesease. There are books available here, and you can also get books from your local public library. I found getting books on alcoholism from the library very empowering - it brought it home to me that this is not some shameful secret, but instead is a reality, a disease that is killing someone I love, and dragging the kids and me with it. The more you learn, the more your behaviour will change, even if just slightly.
Even small changes by you will change the home situation - you can look at it like an equation. If one element in the equation changes, the final sum changes, even if none of the other elements change at all.
You are in the right place - there is hope and help for you here. This is a safe place ot tell your story, we have all been there, in one way or another

Jackie · Newbie

Thank You jj, It is nice to feel welcomed. I have to work 12 hour shifts the next 4 days so I will be back next week. Have a great week, Jackie

Jackie · Newbie

Thank You debilyn and lin0606, I am going to attempt to go to an Alanon meeting again. I feel alone. I wish that I had a friend or someone to share my feelings with. I guess I can reach out to this site. It feels better to think that the A has a disease and that is what is yelling at me and the kids not my husband. I live in Arizona and I am not sure what time the online meetings are because of the time zone changes? I am going to go to the library and find some books. Thank you and have a great week. Love Jackie

-- Edited by Jackie at 10:44, 2005-02-01

buzzfree · Senior Member

Hi Jackie, Welcome to MIP!

All of us here have been affected by the terrible disease of alcoholism in some way. I would encourage you to attend an online meeting, if it is causeing problems going to F2F meetings, or to stop by the room to talk with someone.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

Best wishes in Recovery,

Buzzfree

dianne · Newbie

hey there

i am new also-been looking for someone also to talk to about the children. i would love to chat with you anytime

dianne

megan · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jackie,

Welcome. I was in your same shoes last July. I was very frustrated by my A (alcoholic husband's) behaviour. I took his rants and rages very seriously. I finally turned in desperation to the web anonymously and posted my dilemma. The smart people on my local site directed me to al-anon. It has brought wonderful changes in MY life.

Go to the meeting. I was scared too of my A's reaction, and he was displeased but got over it.

I sat in the first alanon meeting with silent tears streaming down my face. As much for the discovery and absolute realization that my husband was in actuality an alcoholic as realizing that I had found the right place for ME to be. Getting help.

It was explained to me that I was living in insanity. That nothing that was going on with my A made any sense - it was chaos. And this was the absolute truth. It certainly helped me when I went home not to try to figure out why laying on the floor with a bowl of ceral next to him or any of the hundreds of other bizarre comments and behaviours. I took to ignoring it. When he asked for help to bed (as he lay on the floor) I now said - you are safer on the floor. i left the area and did things for me.

i took up mountain biking - at 41 and overweight (depressed and eating too much) I gained confidence in myself phyisically and later mentally. I learned to outwit behaviors and avoid arguments (he never remembered them anyway).

I grew strong in myself. I went out to eat by myself, bought good quality clothes and shoes. I took extra time for me. I remember one meeting (my 3rd) asking a lady how her husband got sober. She said I grew strong and he had to get onboard the program.

That was it, no further hints.

A few weeks into my alanon meetings and postings here my A quit. 5 months later he started up again hard, now he is back to minor drinking. But hey, whatever he is doing I am doing great in what I need to do in my life. Alanon helps.

please try a meeting and keep coming back here

2 books I recommend:

Codpendent no more and getting them sober

Peace

Megan

wallsal55 · Senior Member

www.coping.org/control/detach.htm on detachment, detaching,

www.bendfeldt.com/alcholism.htm note spellings (Denial)

The Jellinek Chart; progression of the disease of alcoholism:

www.1016.org/Jellink.html www.songdov.com Click on Jellinek Chart.

-- Edited by wallsal55 at 18:14, 2005-02-02

-- Edited by wallsal55 at 18:16, 2005-02-02

jessi · Senior Member

Jackie,

I am so glad you found this site. There are lots of resources on this disease and I hope you look at several before giving up... A few books that helped me the most when I was new are: How It Works (an al-anon book) and The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.

Please remember that you are NEVER alone, your Higher Power directed you to find this site and is always with you on your life path.

Also, in the closing at Al-Anon meetings, part of it says... There is no situation too bad to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. (something like that)

If you keep coming back, it will get better! I know... I nearly committed suicide a year ago when my A cheated on me and left me... and I am still here today.

Love and hugs,
Jessi

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.