The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Living with active alcoholism challenges us daily to deal with disappointment time and time again. Our expectations of another seem to toss us into dispair when it does not go according to what we think is right. We get sick. We lose faith in ourselves to help another and our self esteem plummets downward. I would like to hear some tools from others how one deals with disappointment. Do you bounce back with enthusiam or fall with a thud? Pick an area of your life where you're licking your wounds and think of ways you could move forward again. Looking forward to your responses,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gardengal
I think alot of my learning about my expectations came with inventories and continued inventories. the reality was that not all of my expectations of my parents were unreasonable. My parens were so wrapped up in their disease and their alcholism that it became unreasonable and insane. And, very quickly, I became resentful.
Today, with disappointment, I still try to gage the reality of my expecataions. I also try to see how I can get all the pieces togetehr. What it would take to see it all in prospective.It's important to me to learn what's what and who's who. Consider the motives. I don't think it's too much to ask to understand your prospective if I'm not understanding you. I also think very hard about where w're at in a relationship now; what's affecting us now.
I have been blessed with the ability to side step disappointment with the "Sh%t happens" kind of disappointments. I don't know if I have a tool that helps there, or just lots of practice. LOL
When other peoples actions disappoint, I guess that falls under 2 categories for me. 1) I expected more from this person than anyone else (judged their behavior against mine) or 2) the action was simply directed to make me mad or get back at me. That is still judging a persons intent, but lets be honest.... sometimes you just don't have to judge.
I try these days to look at it from the outside in. If I was not the focal point of this, what would I think about it. If I try real hard to not make a snap judgment of how I feel, I have better luck doing this.
When all else fails, I remember that no matter who this person is or what they have just done... only turtles can breathe through their butts. <grinning> If that doesn't work, I just go ahead and get pissed, ask HP for forgiveness. LOL
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
There is only one way I seem to be able to deal with disapointments and that is to let go of any expectations from not only the A in my life but from anyone.
Also...accepting that everyone is doing and giving what they are able to.
i'm living with a recovering a, and that comes with dissapointments also. i'm trying to ask myself, 'WHAT IS MY ROLE IN THIS?' am i being impatient? am i setting my expectations too high?
i guess all i can suggest is remind yourself that it is a disease. be a good example. give what you can, without losing yourself. be kind. kabbie
These days I operate under the theory that I EXPECT him to mess up, regardless of what it is. That way if by chance he actually does something right then I am plesently surprised.
I know that isn't the way we are supposed to work it but I'm still there and probably will be for quite some time to come.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I would have to go along with what most of the others have stated. For me, I do not expect anything from anyone so I am rarely disappointed. I see the glass that is half full as completely empty. If it turns out it really does contain something, I can be happy about that.
Generally, when I have been disappointment due to someone not living up to MY expectations I have been angry and resentful. I continued to think that if everyone just did things my way their lives would be all right. in recovery I learn that I don't have all of the answers. Afterall, my best thoughts got me here. When I am disappointed now I still tend to become upset, but am getting better at realizing that my expectations are my problem. People don't have to live up to my expectations and I have to respect them enough to allow them their own journey and mistakes on that journey.
What I have learned on this road of recovery is that disappointment is a feeling and feelings are a part of me & always will be.
As long as I am alive, I will have feelings - happy, sadness, anger, joy, love, frustration, grief, and yes disappointment. If it is little disappointment that supper didn't taste the way I wanted it to, or huge disappointment like not being in my new home for Thanksgiving.
If I want to maintain my level of serenity and peace, I will need to feel my feelings and deal with them in a healthy manner. If I don't, I'm going to stuff them & they are going to come out sideways - and that's always ugly for me!!
So I try to deal with the emotions - knowing that "This too shall pass" and as I deal with each disappointment that my relationship with my HP will continue to grow on a deeper level and together, He & I will make it through this bumpy path.
This is just what works for me - can't say that I always do this, but I try - Progress not perfection,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
