The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, September 21, talks about our resistance to accepting that the Twelve Steps apply to us. Often we don't want to believe we are powerless over alcohol, that we have allowed our lives to become unmanageable, and that we need to be restored to sanity.
When we look at our situation honestly, we realize we have reacted by using "foolish and childish tricks" in an attempt to get what we wanted. This happened because our thoughts were distorted by fear and resentment, and we could not think clearly or make good decisions.
Reminder: Each of the Twelve Steps challenges me to be absolutely honest with myself. They will make me ready to accept the help of my Higher Power in restoring myself to the wholesome sanity of a mature, responsible adult.
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Childish and futile thinking, unable to think clearly -- that was me living with an alcoholic before Al-Anon. Denial -- sweeping issues under the rug -- was the only tactic I knew.
An example of my thinking: When we would go out to a restaurant with the alcoholic, and an uncomfortable embarrassing scene happened, what was my solution? Say nothing, and don't return to that restaurant. Go to a different restaurant next time. Did I honestly believe the restaurant was the source of the problem? No, but I didn't know any other way to respond. It never dawned on me that there was a solution within me and that I couldn't get to that solution by myself. I was like a light bulb disconnected from the power source. Once I plugged into Al-Anon, the light began to come on.
I understand this, so thank you, Freetime for your service in posting ODAT!
I came thinking I was going to find the path to fix my spouse!! That never happened... not only was he not 'fixed," but I learned that it wasn't up to me to fix him! I was a little pissed off that I had to apply the 12 Steps to ME! After all, I was not the one with the problem! LOL! But I DID have a problem! I couldn't accept my spouse just the way he was... addiction and all!
The Steps allowed me a way to navigate the treacherous waters of living with an addicted person.
TGIF!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Freetime - thank you for your service and the daily. I too came with the intent of finding the magic method of fixing the A(s) in my life. I resisted that I played a roll and that I needed a(nother) program of recovery because of Ego, Denial and Pride. After all, it was easier to swallow that my life was a mess because of what others did, said, etc.
When I hit my bottom and became willing to surrender, be open and consider changing me, things felt different. I no longer had the perpetual, "Yeah But....." thought at the front of my brain. I instead prayed to have an open mind. Each time I wanted to blame my path or journey on another, my sponsor gave me step work. I was no longer allowed to vent, blame, dwell in past events longer than a set time as that's not where peace, joy and happiness are.
Meetings, sponsorship and willingness to do the work have helped me appreciate each of the 12 Steps in examining me, my role, my part, etc. I am no longer a martyr, a victim or a volunteer. I am empowered to be me, love me, accept me, forgive me - all of which allow me to love, accept and forgive those I love with this wretched disease.
This program works when we work it. We get the freedom of living in today, not the past or the future. We get the freedom to forgive, accept and love ourselves and others unconditionally. We get the freedom to be imperfect, accept imperfect and embrace differences in all around us. We truly can find a new happiness and freedom - which was so elusive and foreign for me before. Grateful for each step and every aspect of this program and how it's helped me change myself and my outlook. Progress feels really, really good!
TGIF - golfed all morning, planning a nap yet and softball this evening...make it a great day all and a lovely weekend too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Oh Freetime first, thank you for this great share, second, I can sure relate to the restaurant story. My way of handling things was to just run away. Like you said, dont go back to that restaurant, sweeping things under the rug, ignoring and let him slide obvious abuses and boundary violations, rationalizing both his or my behavior. I didnt know what being honest was really because to face it at that time without any tools wouldve been overwhelming. When I got into al-Anon and ACA, it was so refreshing to know that I had to be honest that the program would not work if I wasnt honest with myself and with others working with me. And with others in general. I absolutely love having to be honest because it is truly what I naturally want to do
I was at my favorite thrift shop today, talking with the manager, and I dont remember how it started but I revealed to her that I almost walked out of the store with a necklace I didnt pay for. It was an accident where are the clerk just did not add it up, and I am thinking, something isnt right, I didnt pay them enough, so I went back into the store and we re-counted my items and sure enough, the necklace was not paid for LOL.And she told me how rare it was to meet somebody like me who is so brutally honest with myself and others and I thought to myself, wow! Thats really neat when people notice how safe you are to be around. I just thought that was the coolest thing. Its so much better and easier on the system when one is being honest, even if it hurts, I would rather live in the truth then the lies and BS that I was forced to grow up with And was married to
Walking a path of truth and seeing things for what they are, being aware of what really is, and not what I wish it to be, has really done a lot for my recovery. I dont like all the things that I have had to accept But I cannot even relate to how I lived before. The denial was absolutely overwhelming. I dont know how I could live like that but I did. I feel like I am in my second lifetime now and though its hard, I prefer this lifetime a whole lot better than the previous one
