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Post Info TOPIC: I'm out tonight. Anxious about what state he will be in when I get home


Veteran Member

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Date:
I'm out tonight. Anxious about what state he will be in when I get home


I know I need to stop obsessing. But i'm out at a friend's hen do tonight and he is home with the kids. I'm driving as it is quite a distance away (45 mins). He won't hurt the children, I suppose, but will probably put them to bed then start on the wine. 

 

I need a life, so I'm going. If he's drunk I will smile and go to bed. 

I am powerless over him, so not going out will not help either of us. 

I think I am doing the right thing. Am I?



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Senior Member

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That sounds trusting and hopeful and placing your trust in a power greater than yourself.  If that is the best you can do for yourself and others at this time complete it.  I use to project "What ifs" until my sponsor taught me to focus on "What if nots" saved me from a trip to the loony bin or the jail.  Prayer and positive meditations helps a lot also.  I learned the difference between prayer and pleading and that worked really great because I could hear my HP respond.   In support ((((hugs)))) smile



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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1221
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A nother wrote:

 I think I am doing the right thing. Am I?


 Yes. I think so.

                       He might surprise you- he might not...

                       But having time out- for yourself- priceless! aww ...



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One day at a time.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 8822
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I can so relate to your anxiety and fear of 'leaving another in charge'.....I used to panic when I left and hope for the best. Most times, I came home to a mess but I can honestly say we only had one broken bone and it happened at the neighbor's house. They boys survived, the house did too and amazingly enough, so did I and my AH.

It does get easier as you continue to practice self-care and trust a power great than self! (((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 866
Date:

A nother wrote:

 He won't hurt the children, I suppose, but will probably put them to bed then start on the wine. 

 


 Mostly I would say that you are doing the right thing, however I see this "i suppose" re: he won't hurt the children...the only issue I might see is has he ever, in the past, gotten violent or scary with the children??? if not, then I would not worry....From what I see from your posts, you wouldn't leave if you thought in your heart of hearts that he would be a danger to the kids...early to bed so he can drink??  no biggie , I would "do life" as you are doing and detach from him and his issues....Everyone needs some "me" time with friends or just by themselves in the quiet....Sounds OK to me



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Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 48
Date:

I got in at 1am and he had been drinking, but had saved some wine so we could drink together and talk!

Needless to say, I didn't have the wine, so he did and proceeded to say that he couldn't remember me even mentioning the hen do before and thinks I went out to get at him. I explained that the hen do has been on the calendar for months, and I was driving (I drove someone home last night too because they were worse for wear so it took longer for me to get back).

He said that he didn't think I would have gone had our terrible holiday not happened, and I agreed.

I am pleased with myself for staying calm, answering him when I needed to in a civil way and then getting to my bed.


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Veteran Member

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Oh, the children and house were fine. He has never hurt them before, but I always wonder what would happen if there was a fire. Fire is my big fear. If he had been drinking would he manage to get the children out to safety.

Just reading that back to myself makes me see how irrational I am. The chances of there being a fire are so low! It is one of those'what if' things.

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~*Service Worker*~

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hey A nother, yea, I hear ya...to me, fire was a big thing as well, EX AH smoked and I used to worry about his drinking and falling asleep with a cigarette.....so I get what you are saying, however, I, now, look at the "what is the percentage of this happening???" and I do the "what if's" still....projecting..."what doom can happen to me" and it goes back to the childhood hellhole where the worst DID happen...I just tell me now, "that was then--this is now--the beast is gone, you can take care of you now" or words to that effect....many of us grew up in chaos and drama and the unexpected bad stuff happening (this was my case, anyway) so i had this "learned hyper vigilance) like a prey animal....my head down eating my grass, but my eyes and ears are on the alert for danger that could jump out at me from any bush I am near......yea, its good to be careful, cautious, but I was paranoid....So I do a lot of self talk and i practice good safety habits and trust that my instincts will carry me..I'm much better, but will always need to work on this maybe.....I like your open, honest shares...your honesty about yourself is gonna bring you big time recovery growth.........IN SUPPORT

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Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8822
Date:

Glad that you had a great time and all was 'well' when you got home. I too recall fear of fires or other emergencies. I was reminded by my sponsor that life events happen in all homes and living with consistent fear of 'what ifs' was just not a healthy habit. Good for you that you went and hoping this leads to more self-care!

(((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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