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Post Info TOPIC: Meeting with HR


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 643
Date:
Meeting with HR
Permalink Closed


Hi TT, about the exit interview, if you can do it by phone and it doesn't inconvenience you or stress you out, you might consider doing it. It does give you the opportunity to ask what the company will say if they are contacted for a reference, or if the HR rep or someone else would be willing to be a reference for you. It gives you the opportunity to let them document that the reason for your leaving was that the management style of your supervisor made the job unbearable for you.

I have heard it said that people don't leave companies, they leave bad bosses. While you are now out of harm's way, your information could bolster a case for the company doing something about that supervisor and possibly help prevent someone else from suffering with this boss.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 866
Date:
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hey ((((TT)))) Freetime is absolutely spot on!!!! I would contact HR...W/O going into a big venting session, just tell them that you hated to leave, but supervisor was unbearable to work for and you had to put your health first, or words to this affect.....they HAVE to know what she is....and I , too, would ask "would you please give me a positive reference re: my work ethic, dependability, etc., even though I had to leave w/out notice???" I would not slag the supervisor, I would just use my program tools, tell them it was a case where you had to leave and you wish the company well....You know what to say... MAYBE your leaving will be the catalyst for them to take action against her and they kick her to the curb.....this is going to keep happening to them, and its only fair that you, w/out slagging her, tell them the truth so , like Freetime said, some other poor soul doesn't get this job under her....Maybe your quitting will be the karma that kicks her sorry arse to the curb.....what goes around does come around and its not pretty...... sending you hugs of support....

__________________

Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2225
Date:
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Thanks ((Freetime))) I'm considering going ahead with it soon. It will likely stress me out but I will try to see if I can wrap this up this week. I do want to see if I can have them as a reference. I think it would help me going forward. The work I'm doing at the moment is unrelated. Any I think I can get through the exit interview and then the sad feelings will pass. 

Thanks (((Rose))) for your support. I like your suggestion concerning the nature of the reference. It's really all i am looking for from them. As far as the next person, I don't think there will be one. My supervisor has a new employee and will likely be told to give all the work to that person. Let's face it, that is what my boss was doing and punishing me by letting me sit idle. It will burst my supervisor's bubble to not have two employees because when she recently got approval for two, she talked up the importance of her role and that of the dept. But in her sickness and greater interest in making me miserable she I think she burned herself. Now HR believes she actually doesn't need to two people. There were many times in the meeting with HR where my former boss contradicted themself and ended up affirming things I'd told HR in a separate meeting. 

I will keep my side of the street clean when speaking with HR. Honestly, they already know what this supervisor is about. It's really too bad I ended up a casualty of their behavior. But it's OK because I'm coming through this like someone coming out of a fog, like someone affected by someone else's drinking or drama/insanity. I hardly functioned when I got off from work. Bf was doing everything here and without complaint but hoped I would quit the job. All the other parts of my life were suffering. I saw it happening and started a healthy eating and exercise routine to help myself.. to also feel I had control over something in my life but I was just going through the motions and not living. Don't laugh but I can still hear that obnoxious ringtone of my boss cellphone which they kept too loud at their desk but I know the thoughts are going to pass and this will fade into the past. I slept so much better these last few nights after resigning and I'm cracking jokes again and singing silly songs around the house, beginning to get back to myself. 

Thanks you two!  ((((hugs)))) TT



__________________

Faith unsticks fear.



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 44
Date:
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TT so glad to see how wonderfully perfect taking care of yourself has worked.

I did an exit interview with a company I worked for. I too had problems with the supervisor, in our HR department the exit interviews are shared with higher ups on the corporate ladder so I took it as an opportunity to 1st thank them for the learning experience, and then in all my Al anon insanity gave um the no hold bared truth. Things actually changed in the position I was in because of it and while looking back some of my insanity was showing the truth could be denyed no more. And if I had to do it over again I'd ask to do it by email lol. Im happy I did it today. I never knew honest could create change untill then.

hugs

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2225
Date:
Permalink Closed

Just to update you, the exit interview is done. It doesn't look like there is anything beneficial for me as a result - no reference. I was told that if an employer calls, they will confirm my employment, that's about it. The HR person would not be a reference. I thought that was a good suggestion freetime but was told it's against company policy. I used a lot of the verbiage that you and Rose suggested. I wrote some of those things on an old receipt from my purse and had it in front of me when I was called. It got me through without becoming nervous or emotional so thank you! 

Some of the questions were direct about my former supervisor. I was consistent in my responses and reminded the HR rep that they were the same as ones I'd given in my meetings with them. I expressed sadness about leaving the company and lost opporunities. I spoke well of the company and used the "bad bosses" comment at that time. When asked about what my boss could do better, I spoke from personal experience as someone who has supervised others. I didn't sugarcoat things but I was professional in how I presented facts. Additionally, I brought forward how unsettling it was to me to realize I was working for a supervisor who lies and that it was the primary reason for realizing there was no way to go forward with them. I told HR that they could ask me the same questions weeks prior and again today and the answers would be the same. I said it was easy to answer because I was telling the truth. I only offered one comment that my former supervisor had made to me recently but the HR rep was taken aback by it. I said it was one of many that I'd been let roll off my back. 

I feel no better for having done this. It was basically rehashing things I'd already spoken about. This boss has a history of mistreatment of others so helping the next person is something they could have done long ago. I was that next person but was not helped. I was gracious concerning all of it. I don't like to burn bridges. I thanked the HR person for her help through the process when I was employed there. She asked if I was working. I said I sometimes did contract work but was looking for a permanent job. I really didn't think it was her business whether I was working. She wished me luck and the conversation ended.

It is good to feel like a functioning clear thinking human being again. I'm not a hundred percent yet but I will be soon. At my contract job this week, I keep expecting someone reprimand me or order me around but they don't do that. I guess these are left over feelings from the job I quit. I keep expecting any moment I'm going to get mistreated. I know it'll pass but that's pretty darn sad. Thank you all for being there for me. Better times ahead for me. (((hugs))) TT

 



__________________

Faith unsticks fear.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2225
Date:
Permalink Closed

Thank you ((((hidden))) for sharing with me and for your support. I'm sorry you had this experience too. Yes, email would definitely be easier. They plan on sending me one of those too from an outside vendor they use. I will have to think about whether I want to do this a second time lol TT



__________________

Faith unsticks fear.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 866
Date:
Permalink Closed

HR has their head in the sand...they took the "easy" road..You are gone..so they are "free" of the "problem" but they are NOT free..As long as this pus filled entity is in their company, they are gonna have problems, even, perhaps a law suit of some kind ALL because of ONE useless eater who needs to get FIRED and taught a hard lesson that you don't mistreat employees....I am flabbergasted at the stupidity of this HR rep you talked with...You were right to leave..She , IT wold have made your life a living hell and what gain would there be??? none!! You would potentially have had a break down of sorts and your health is more important.....You spoke your truth...Did it well....Did it fair and just and good karma will come your way...This company was NO loss for you..They did not appreciate a good employee, so be it!!!! You are done with them!!! You can rebuild your reputation going forward and when you find that good permanent job, you have this nice temp and its team to give you the reference you need...and IF you are asked by new boss about old job, keep it brief, keep it professional, that you "had to leave due to difficult supervisor" and that otherwise you (how long were you there??) had an otherwise good experience there and you were sorry to have to leave...LOTS of people, (hiring/ower) type people know there are BAD bosses out there...the courts are full of abuse cases pending trial due to people like this sicko you got stuck working for......I had a very similiar experience and it takes time to get over...I was very wary and gun shy for a while, when I got my new job after that disaster of a one where the boss brother of MY boss was so bad with me, I would go home and cry....he was brutal to me...All because I was a better bookkeeper than his wife and the workers would go to me with thier questions, etc., because I was so good at my job....so he (husband of the mediocre bookkeeper) decided , as other owner, to go after me and he did.....It was breaking me down slowly...taking away the spark and energy I had, I needed more sleep...when not working (was having to work full time then) I was in bed sleeping, shut down, needing to recover from all the stress of that job...my friends pleaded with me to quit..this was in 2007, the whole year I was there...soon as I saw the handwriting on the wall and he had declared war on me, I began looking for new job....when I walked out due to "save my mental health or have a breakdown" I signed up with recruiters.....found work right away...the FIRST client loved me!!! they "bought" me from the recruiter.....lovely job..lovely people.....it took me a while to relax around them, to feel like I wasn't on cracked egg shells..............I will never forget that horrible job I walked out on...not in a million years...i was only in recovery 3 years and I was still "raw" from my past, still grieving over my monumental losses due to the abuse and its aftermath and I get THIS??? it almost erased all the hard recovery work I did.....He (boss/partner) was so horrible, and my documentation was so thorough that even tho I could not sue (under 25 employees in this state) unemployment commission had OSHA and other state entities investigate them...they paid for what they did to me...(I went to MY boss who was brother/partner and his wife and Pleaded with them to "DO something about this other brother/boss" noone listened!! All I got was "well close your door" well what do i do when he kicks it open (which he did) and cusses me out, yelling and screaming at me for something I wasnt' even involved in??? and the cussing at me....peeing with door open when that bathroom was right across from my office...I could not see his body, but I could see him peeing....this is just a few things he did........so yea, when we had the hearing because they tried to block my unemployment because I quit, the unemployment commision told me that THEY were gonna have them investigated for various OSHA violations and other things and that they would have the state , at least, on their backs for a long time......also I heard that they were told that they needed to "watch themselves" because they could lose their right to be a corporation in this state....so I got SOME satisfaction....I took a pound of his flesh with me so some satisfaction I got, thanks to the TX workforce commission who takes this crap seriously......so yea, I am sure this rotten company was sorry they did what they did....the ones (bosses) who ignored my pleas for help, I am sure wish they did things differently.....as to references?? when my good job moved to Sanibel , FLA (their home base) closed the Dallas Office, I was crushed..they offered to move me too, if I wanted to come with them....i said "no, my house is almost paid for and that area of FLA was too expensive for little me" anyway, subsequently, I decided to free lance after I lost my good job, and had NO probs with refs...my clients, 3 of whom I still have, didn't need any refs but that good job and they were awwesome...said they wanted to move me to FLA with them...wrote lovely letters of reference for me...the old man who was the big boss told my client whom I am still with that I was one in a milion, so good won out.....I got the final victory, ALL because I did the right thing and the right thing by me w/out being malicious and (God only knows how bad I wanted to put a 12 guage to his head) i was fair and didn't slag the company, said other than the bad boss, it was fun and the people (other empees) were all cool to be around, etc., I did what was RIGHT!!! By me, for me, and programme style.....it all worked out for the best....Now they are a dim memory ...AND the lesson for me was I CAN stand up for me and be OK...I CAN do what is right and still take care of my needs, etc....I CAN and DID find good folks to work for...........

this last lady I worked for?? the one I walked out on?? The one who tried to even control my usage of their dirty restroom??? and the one who was passive aggressive with her little putdowns???? It was easy...I KNEW I was correct and right to leave a toxic environment...I sent her that text citing unsanitary conditions and her behavior creating a hostile environment as my reasons for not being able to keep her as a client...I wished her good luck and hit the "send" button....I felt relief...I took care of me...and she will continue to keep losing employees until she learns to treat someone with the same respect that she demands of them...oh yea, she demands respect but gives nothing....that does not work in this "what goes around comes around" world....she will reap the bad karma till she learns....NOT my business or problem...I've moved on....found a nice guy who replaced that awful job....hes fun...nice to work for...treats me like a boss should treat his employee.....he even puts snacks in his refridge for me....its another "work out of their house" job, which I was a bit wary of, but hes CLEAN....he fixed up my "office" in a corner of his big bedroom, LOL and I love my "little nest" he sits in a big chair and watches tv and rests up while I work (he works in construction, so on my day, he takes a rest) he makes sure the tv isn't too loud and I love the background noise anyway...his little dog sits by ME and puts his little paws up on my lap as I work...Boss thinks it is cool that his dog has taken to me..He says his dog is a good judge of character, LOL....he has over paid me 2x and when I told him that he said "take the money---see ya next week"

good things will come to you , too because , like me, you do what is right...do right and right shall come to you....this is universe law....what goes around really does come around...that is why I try to guard my tongue and my actions....curses and bad behavior are like bad chickens!!! They always come home to roost......

__________________

Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8822
Date:
Permalink Closed

TT - just keep doing you - it looks great on you. I do believe always that the best is yet to come - you still got this!! (((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1289
Date:
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My sponsor always encouraged me to just do the next indicated thing, and you've been doing that beautifully. :)

I'm so sorry you had to experience what you did.

When I got laid off from my beloved job out in Hawaii, I felt like I had been thrown back into the midst of a bad, dysfunctional relationship all over again. The place I worked for got sold, so new owners came in. Everyone had to re-interview for their jobs (as if that wasn't stressful enough). They had a completely different culture and approach to business than the original owners. They were very controlling and un-trusting. I got put under a supervisor who was abusive (and definitely an alcoholic). She micro-managed and I really think she just either wanted to break my spirit or get me to quit. The problem was she had previous resentments about me as before the business got sold, she was actually my colleague on equal grounds. Even then she tried to behave like my supervisor, but when I brushed her off, it irritated her.

In any case, she was just mind-numbing to deal with every single day - phone calls all day long telling me to jump at her command, even after business hours. If I didn't answer the phone right away (as in I was working with another co-worker, or on the phone already with someone else, or just running to use the restroom), she'd call someone else in the office and get them to come get me and tell me to call her right away. She even re-arranged my desk one day without first at least letting me know she was planning to do so.

Psychotic.

In any case, my last day there wasn't particularly a good one. She had pulled me into a private room to discuss work with me and my "bad attitude" (I agree I had a bad attitude by then, one can only take so much abuse and smile through it and be upbeat). I laid into her and spoke my truth and I don't regret it AT ALL.

She wanted me fired and convinced the new HR team to do it. But thankfully my original supervisor was still there, and she still had authority over this other woman and some sway with the new HR and she convinced them to not fire me but let me go so I could at least collect unemployment. (God, I LOVED my former supervisor - she was so amazing.) My former supervisor called me at home and warned me about it right away so I wasn't shocked (although I honestly wouldn't have been shocked. I was fully aware that my words would have likely lead to being dismissed.)

I didn't get an exit interview, unfortunately. I would have said the same thing about the abusive supervisor as I said to her in that meeting. She was abusive, micro-managing, and unsupportive, and a terrible manager.

I continue to feel sympathy for the rest of the people who've had to work there under her. While she was hyper-focused on me for a while, I know I wasn't the only recipient of such treatment. I think she felt that her methods were the only way to manage people, and maybe didn't know any different. I do pray for her now. I see alcoholism as a huge, driving factor to her behavior.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 806
Date:
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Well, Tiredtonight, you spoke your truth, and you did so with authority. Don't worry about HR needing to know whether you are working or not. That person may have been genuinely concerned, or they may be able to get you another job... you just never know where leads come from!

In any case, you handled the exit interview extremely well, and now you can use your program tools to help with the mental "debris" left from working under such a terrible person!

Peace to you!

__________________

Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine



Member

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Posts: 9
Date:
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Congrats on putting yourself first. X I was glad I was able to follow your journey. So happy for you that youâre free of the crazy.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2225
Date:
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Thanks to (((everyone)))) who shared their experience working in an insane work situation. I guess we can feel grateful for our awareness due to Alanon and courage to make changes that validate us. Thank you too for the nice encouraging things you said. I'm feeling a bit in the "if onlies" right now but also breathing a sigh of relief that I don't have to go there each day. 

Now they want my badge and keys. My former boss sent an envelope. They don't even know where the keys are when they are right in front of their nose. I had to follow up with HR to let them know that I do not have any keys and that the keys are where my boss told me to keep them. I think this may be the last contact. I surely hope so. I'm trying to move on but I'm not quite rid of them yet. 

Anyway, thanks. I feel the fog clearing. I was able to read a novel today for pleasure and and answer a few posts here in support of others so I am feeling more sane.  ((hugs))) TT



__________________

Faith unsticks fear.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3136
Date:
Permalink Closed

TT - I wanted to share one of my past work experiences and that you really never know what can happen in the future.

I was a temp at my last job before I moved states and when I had originally gone there I worked directly with 2 women .. one was amazing and the other was shall we say .. not so amazing .. and seriously I mean there were 5 temps before me and every single one this woman had in tears. It was HORRIBLE .. my first day there I asked a question as the receptionist and had the phone ripped out of my hand by this woman and she hung up on the caller I had been talking to .. well needless to say they called back and told me I don't know who that was however I KNOW that wasn't you .. please do not put me through to that woman again .. I was able to get the call properly transferred and the other woman spent the rest of the day in a huff. That's putting it mildly. The shock I was in I had never had that happen in my professional career.

Well fast forward to the other gal went on maternity leave I was in the middle of my awful divorce and I had told them LOTS of court time so seriously you tell people this and they don't believe you .. LOL .. UNTIL it actually happens. So basically I lasted a week .. Ironically I went to the other gals baby shower and everyone from work was FURIOUS that I had been let go and why. My temp agency was awful about the whole thing because they were listening to just the other gal and knew her .. gotta love small towns.

Fast forward to another 3 months .. my temp agency called me and apologized furiously .. I guess I lasted the longest at 6 months .. everyone else had literally walked out .. in 60 days they went through 8 other temps and my temp agency was ready to listen at that point. I was offered a permanent job at the company first at part time and then at full time. It wasn't my dream job however it was a job and what do you know .. they became very understanding about my court stuff.

Now maybe you don't get a reference .. however they know what's going on .. YOU may make the difference for the next person .. I did.

The awful woman wound up quitting however I think really she was told change her attitude or she was gone .. and for whatever reason she ruled that place with fear and it was awful and management allowed it .. shame on them .. she affected EVERYONE around her. It taught me a lot that I will always be grateful for.

It showed me the person I could become if I allowed bitterness to encapsulate me. Pretty much I do not want to be that woman. I feel sorry for her that is her life and how she feels better about herself. That's pretty sad.
It showed me that I can truly work with anyone.
It also showed me that eventually the truth wins out have a little faith in the situation.
It showed me that I have a "difficult" personality however I'm very lovable .. lol.
It also showed me that I could persevere even when things didn't seem right.
It also made me realize that I didn't have to put up with anyone doing that .. although I did in my next job .. I didn't as long.

So I will always be grateful for that job in ways most people will not understand.

Anyway .. things will workout and you did what you needed to do .. it's interesting how things have a way of coming full circle in these situations. I'm really glad even though it was difficult you did what YOU needed to do and can move forward.

Hugs S :)

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"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay

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