The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses 'encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives' as part of Tradition Five. The writer was a bit confused as Al-Anon suggests that we focus on ourselves and this suggests we seek to understand and encourage others.
The reading goes on to suggest that perhaps we think in extremes - we're either separate and self-focused OR we are wrapped around others and self gets lost... Al-Anon helps us find the center where we can care for others who suffer from this disease and we can do so without losing our sense of self. Encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to myself and I don't have to sacrifice self in the process.
Today's reminder --- I am learning how to have saner and more loving relationships. Today I will offer support for those I love and still take care of myself.
The quote from Benjamin Franklin --- "If you would be loved, love, and be loveable."
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I struggled with anger, resentments and fear of the unknown when I arrived. As I embraced recovery and practiced what was suggested, my part become more clear as well as the ability to see alcoholism as a disease, which is non-curable and larger than life. There was no 'winners' with this disease, and my best approach was to find me again, accept myself and others exactly as we are and trust in a power greater than I to help me heal/deal.
Today, I am better able to 'seek to understand' others. I no longer embrace obstacles with a primary intent of 'self-service' but rather of what's the next right thing for all. I can see that I am not the only one who is in pain, suffering, uncertain and imperfect - we all our. I can better embrace and celebrate that which is different from me, and be OK in my space.
I am grateful that Al-Anon helped me find and love myself. If not for that, my ability to love others unconditionally would be challenged. I have a better grasp today on the idea that we are incapable of loving others until we fully love ourselves!
Happy Thursday all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning, MIP! IAH, thank you for your service today.
Today's reading highlights what I would call one of my major character flaws. I can live in balance when I am living alone, but when I live with others, I tend to lose myself while I focus on them. This was true with my family of origin, my roommates, and my AW. Learning to focus on myself and take care of myself while still being caring of others is one of the major things I have been working on the past few years. I think with practice, I am coming to a place of more balance. It is becoming easier for me to take care of my own needs while allowing others to take care of their needs without my assistance. I am still a work in progress - working in Yoga and puppy walks every day is something I have not been able to do yet, but it is something I am aware that I need and something that I am working toward. I have already seen that the more balanced I am, the more balanced I can be when others are upset or in chaos, and for me, that makes all the difference.
It is supposed to be very warm again tonight, so I am enjoying this cool morning. I hope you all make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning IAH Great reminder. In reading this page, I was reminded of Acceptance of life and others on life's terms.
To me, once i have acceptance that I am powerless over others and that HP is i in control, I can call on the important alanon principle of courtesy and respect so I can treat everyone, even the alcoholic with love and respect.
Skorpi - we're in the middle of a huge heat wave here....for the first time ever, my AH and his golf group stopped yesterday after 9 holes - I was so surprised to hear the garage door going up that I had to check it was him vs. a power surge/other causing it to have a mind of it's own...
I just finished golfing and I will tell you that I am so grateful for the cold shower I just had - Best Thing Ever...just for today!
I too still at times get wrapped up in other people, places and things. I am reminded often that I am powerless and then I can resume with our tools and take good care of me. Happy Thursday all - I almost forgot this today - had to turn the car around and fulfill my service (I don't know why but I thought it was Wednesday in my brain!) ... (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank IAH for your service. This reading again was right on time for me and seemed to address current events in my life. Funny how that works!!
When I first began trying to detach, I could not get a handle on the "with love" part. Not only was I still very angry and resentful toward my AH... I felt like I was clinging to my self-focus with tooth and nail. I felt like any amount of focus I turned to the alcoholic in my life, would completely derail my serenity. I began to practice a sort of detachment and it did seem to help. But even while doing so... I felt I was becoming very hard line and rigid. As the reading says, "extreme."
the more I work this program, the better I am at finding the middle ground. Not the extreme place of being codependent and addicted to my addict. But also not the extreme place of being utterly self-focused. In the reading, this part resonated with me: "Encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to myself." I love this way of looking at. It is true.
JFT, I practiced showing my AH love and support, without compromising my safety or boundaries. It felt really good for me. And I could tell he was thankful, too!
I hope you all have a great evening. :)
I didn't get to read todays reading until just now but I feel like it applies most definitely to me. I can never just stay on the tree in the middle I always have to choose a branch to be on and it's never ever safe to do that. For myself, I find I am very very angry towards the alcoholic and I've gotten better but its still a work in progress. I don't feel comfortable around those who are drunk and I'm sober and I don't feel good when I leave either because I have made my emotions shown either on my face or in my actions(I ignore them repeatedly). I've had to get away from my family because they are alcoholics and very destructive to those around them(Probably why I have so many emotional problems because of this). I know cutting off everyone and not talking to them is the worst thing I can do but I don't know how to find that middle part of where I can still be in contact with them without it affecting me and my family(soooo much drama). I have gotten better with working the program and I'm not so stressed out when it comes to certain situations. I hope and pray in time I will get better with everything and I know I will find the middle somewhere but its not right now and that's okay. Maybe I will in the future.
Thank you IAH for your service. I struggle in this area, and am trying to find the right balance for me. I have extended family members that are highly dysfunctional, I have decided for now, I should keep my distance, because unfortunately I am not sure that I currently can stay healthy around them...and at the same time, I miss them. Ugh, still searching for my balance.
Thank you IAH. I'm a day late but this really hit me. This morning my AD is texting about his health and drinking. How he has gotten this far at 81 without major alcohol issues is absolutely beyond me. I asked him to try to quit for a week to give his system a chance to get some toxins gone. He was going to just stop his coffee..........oh boy.........I said nope, two drinks that diurese, dehydrate and it's all you drink. He's worried about his kidneys....I asked him to keep the coffee, just lower it and stop the beer for a week....he said he would try...
Interesting that it set off fear at first responding to his drinking. He's got a very kind heart! Very loving but drinks from AM to PM since I've been hatched lol. I didn't push, I just responded kindly and with truth. He knows. I think he was just needing a person to agree. We'll see........it's been ages since this came up. He brought it up.
Off to PT again. Have a great day everyone.
