The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about feeling our feelings and balancing them with appropriate action.
The author shares that they used to deal with anger in appropriate ways - denial, fury, bottling or directing feelings outward. With the help of AlAnon, the author learned to acknowledge their feelings and be responsible for how they expressed them. Communicating anger or other emotions might not happen gracefully at first, and it might not be well received, but the author finds it important to risk facing conflict instead of running from emotions.
Today's Reminder: Feeling our feelings is one important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another.
Today's Quote: "When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred." Thomas Jefferson
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Dealing with emotions such as anger in inappropriate ways has been a challenge for me for a long time. I tend to bottle up my emotions, and make myself very busy so I do not have time to feel any negative emotions, such as sadness, anger, resentment, or loneliness. Thanks to AlAnon, I've gotten much better at recognizing and acknowledging how I am feeling. I've been able to recognize that emotions are just emotions, I can notice them and acknowledge them, but they do not need to dictate my behavior. I still struggle with how much to communicate about my emotions in my relationship with my AW, but I have found that by counting to a hundred (or a thousand), taking a brake, releasing my emotions in a healthy way, and talking to AlAnon friends about how I am feeling helps me take the time I need to decide with whom and how I would like to communicate about my emotions. Not bottling up my emotions have definitely lead to more serenity and inner calm for me.
Today, according to the weather folks, should be the "least oppressive" day of the week in terms of heat and humidity, so I'm looking forward to seeing if I can convince my lawnmower to start tonight. It stopped unexpectedly last week when I was mowing, so fingers crossed it just was too hot and the grass too think
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Skorpi, thanks for your service. When I began reading your post the title of my little favorite book stuck out at me: Courage to change. Lately I was stuck in a setback. It takes a lot of courage and a lot of practice for me to shed the old, dysfunctional behavior and actually put Alanon into good use. Not only do I need to be aware of my feelings, but I have to be able to "see" when they are old and negative. It's a complicated journey, but I'm sticking with it, Lyne
Good Morning Skorpi and Lyne i can so identify with expressing feelings in an unacceptable manner . I thought that if I felt anger it was acceptable to scream and blame others or to stuff the feelings so as not to hurt another. .In other words I did not have the constructive tools to handle any of my negative feeling.
Entering program and picking up detachment , I began to learn to not react but to "respond 'in a healthy manner. i needed to allow myself to feel my feelings but to express them differently.
I needed to learn not react, to stop, to breathe , look for my part, own it and then express my anger, disappointment, confusion verbally without blame or judgment-- that was/is quite an accomplishment and i am so grateful to program for these wonderful assets. Thanks for your service and have great day
Thank you, Skorpi for your service, and also Lyne for sharing your views on today's topic.
My goal with this topic, is to not react with my feelings. I am great at feelings...but my problem is that I tend to let them overrule my head at times. So I practice not allowing the feelings to just come pouring out. That way I don't become overwhelmed with whatever feeling I am dealing with that moment. That is not to say that I am bottling them up... I've done that for years, not doing that anymore! I am a work in progress with this. My biggest "helper" with this, is "Practice the Pause." I read that tagline from iamhere's postings early on, and it really stuck with me! Now I work on feeling my genuine feelings, but then pause, ask myself how important is this right now? This will usually keep me from being in "reaction mode." I don't know... it seems to work for me!
Make it a great Hump Day!
Edit: Betty you must have been posting when I was! I appreciate your share as well!
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Wednesday 11th of July 2018 09:16:08 AM
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Skorpi and all.
This sure summed up how I spent most my life. Anger turned inward. Not having a voice. Stuffing it till it manifested physically in health. Thanks to this program it's now rare that I am stuck in the anger at all. Over my life I went from stuffing, to later looking like a crazed person with stuffed anger, to saying wayyyyyyyyy too much in anger. The latter only the past few years. Today I am able to say what I am thinking or wanting to say, to verbalize things before they stew or brew so to speak. It really feels good to not have that awful feeling of anger nagging or ready to go off. Somewhere in all this God is showing me a balance in this program. If I feel anger it is now so uncomfortable that it's a flag to tell me I need to discuss an issue vs just holding it in. I'm grateful now for that "uncomfortable" feeling! Still growing, yes things come up that cause anger but wow what a difference in how to handle it all. Thank you all and have a great day!
Good morning MIP! Thank you skorpi for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I had unhealthy habits for 'releasing emotions' that included all of the above and then some. My go-to emotion was Anger - always outwardly expressed and without a pause, a thought or even a consideration for the intent vs. content. I had no filter and any relief I felt from my releases was short-lived as I never took the time to actually process the facts and consider healthy responses.
Recovery has shown me a better way that I practice daily. That anger I was so quick to throw forward at anyone for any reason actually was a defense mechanism to cover the real feelings - usually sadness, fear or loss. I can pause today long enough to consider that what others are doing or saying has nothing to do with me, and any emotion I give to them or it is giving away my power. I have many choices to detach and I have many choices to respond if I feel the need to do so. I've learned that often my best next right step is no reaction and no response. I just do not engage any longer with crazy, controlling, dramatic people and avoid those with all the answers and 'last word' addicts. I'm happy living in my imperfect world, being my imperfect self, one day at a time processing my feelings as they are disclosed to me by a power greater than self.
Happy hump day all - today is the one morning I am not at the golf course super early - we play later instead. I've been to the grocery store, gas, car wash, etc. and am hydrating....still hot, hot, hot here! I am eternally grateful for MIP and all who share this journey with me....make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Today's passage is the hardest one for me. I learned growing up that if you weren't yelling or fighting then you weren't going to get your point across. It's been really hard but I've done things differently in how I handle my anger and reactions. Sometimes I'm spot on and other days I mess it up. But I'm really trying and I guess the point is, that I am doing what I am capable of. No one is perfect everyday is a different process and experience.
