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Post Info TOPIC: New here


Newbie

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Posts: 2
Date:
New here


Hi, Iām new here, I havent been to a alanon meeting yet, Iām plsnning on going when I can get my kids babysat. In hindsight my husband has been a functioning alcoholic since we met as teenagers, he always had that extra drink, always finished the bottle of wine on the sly thinking no one had noticed anyway since we had our first child We stopped going out as much life had a different focus, Iād have the odd bottle of wine but nothing major. Myhusband started showing signs of being drunk through the week when I questioned him hed say heād had a drink after work no big deal, itās 2 years today since he admitted having a problem with drink heād been hiding bottles around the house drinking a small bottle of vodka on his way back from the shops - the outcome heād go to AA, heās been going for 2 years all be it on and off for the first 18 months I doubt heās gone a week without a bottle of vodka - now the situation were in is heās no longer functional he doesnāt drink every day itās mostly once a week but when he does itās a half bottles of vodka in 30 mins then he denies it and argues the toss, heās drove the car proving to me that heās not had a drink - last week I took the kids to my parents as I couldnāt cope, he hasnāt had a drink for 6 days but I feel ill with worry of waiting until he relapses. When heās good heās great when heās not itās awful. Sorry for the ramble Iāve learnt Sharing helps but havenāt got anyone I can be totally honest with take care xx

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Veteran Member

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Posts: 48
Date:

 

 

Aloha Happy and welcome to the board and I hope you keep coming back often.  This is family and they know about the disease and how to help others who are reaching for understanding.  I use to buy into the description of "functioning" alcoholic until I stuck around and learned much more.  If the drinking is causing problems...there is no functioning to be had.  If the alcoholic attends AA and still drinks they are not sober or recovering.  In AA the 1st step says we are powerless over alcohol (beer, booze, wine etc) period...and that our lives have become unmanageable which describes the behaviors you are dealing with.  This is part of the Al-Anon Family Groups for use who have been like you affected by someone else's drinking.  You are qualified to be here as much as he might be qualified for the other program.   Keep coming back...this works when we work it.   ((((Hugs)))) smile



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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 16172
Date:

Welcome Happy You are not alone. Alcoholism id a dreadful progressive disease over which many of us have failed to control and suffered as you have detailed. Alanon face to face meetings helped many to find serenity even happiness, so I urge you to search them out and attend. Please do keep coming back here as well there is hope

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 367
Date:

Glad you are here happy. Oh those little bottles! They add up don't they? My AH is the same. He's said he may have a problem in the past. The little vodka bottles are for the way home. The hidden ones are for when home. The amounts of drink has escalated but I will say......since being in this program, I have peace most the time. I do get a bit off for a few hours and sometimes a day when he's tied one on, but .....what this program has taught me is not measurable. I can start my day over any time these days whether the A is drinking or not. I enjoy my life and have learned some about the way alcohol/alcoholics have effected my own life. I hope you keep coming back!
Hugs

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 8684
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Welcome to MIP Happy - glad you found us and so glad that you shared. Alcoholism is a chronic progressive disease which is also considered a family disease. This is so as almost everyone who lives with or loves an alcoholic is affected. I am so glad to hear that you intend to find an Al-Anon meeting - for me, that was the turning point...

In Al-Anon, I found others who truly understood what I was going through. They listened and never judged or offered advice. They shared their stories in the hopes something might resonate. They told me I could share or not for as long as I wanted/needed to. I found true support that I didn't even realize I needed.

We focus on progress and not perfection. There is no graduation or certificate for completion. We all work this program at our own pace in our own way using common tools. It's been a game changer for me, and I have found peace in my mind/heart in spite of the disease and the diseased.

There is hope and help in recovery - keep coming back! You are not alone!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 727
Date:

Welcome, Happy! So glad you shared.
Vodka was my husband's DOC too. I would find those little bottles everywhere! Then it graduated to the bigger bottles. He normally would pass out before it was completely gone, but the bottle and contents left were spilled where he dropped. As those before me have said, it is a progressive disease. I too, found out that there is no such thing as a "functioning alcoholic." It is just a stage they go through... it is a longer stage for some than for others.

Keep coming back. This board is so supportive! Try one or more face-to-face meetings! They were key for me. But don't be surprised if you end up crying the whole first meeting (or two, or three)... I did. Everyone there understood, and I walked out feeling unashamed of my tears.

((((((Happy)))))

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Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine



Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome - Iām pleased and saddened weāre not the only family in this situation - my husband tries constantly to give up but i feel its mainly lip service time will tell!!! in the meantime Iāll get to some meeting and try to move on with my life with or without my alcoholic xx

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Newbie

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Posts: 1
Date:

Im new also! Been together with my husband for 19 yrs, was always the love of my life.. he always drank to much, but diagnosed about 9 yrs ago, been in and out of rehab and had to leave his family about 7 times..( Hate those f***ing little bottles of VOdka!!) He does try, and knows is sickness, he currently had almost a yr clean, and is working a very good program. The big problem is that I have learned to live life without him raising our 12 and 7 yr old. Have worked my a$$ of to support him and pay all our bills.. and its hard to face the fact that he will never move home to be with us if he wants to stay sober. We live in a small rual community, where he apparantly just cant stay sober. I have been to al-anon a little, but live over an hour away.. sometimes it just hard to hold on,( when Im not willing to move) and have only been with him, not to want to start over with someone else...



-- Edited by Iamhere on Thursday 12th of July 2018 01:19:22 PM

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Kris


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 727
Date:

Welcome, Krisnicole! Alcoholism is a progressive, insidious disease that affects everyone it comes in contact with... not just the afflicted. I hope you stick around, there is such wisdom and acceptance here!

__________________

Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 31
Date:

Welcome Happy! I know you will find so much support here and at meetings! We have online meetings here too. Please keep coming back, I have improved my life and learned to turn my focus to me. I cant control others, but with alanon I am learning that I can be ok
... regardless to the choices of others.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8684
Date:

Happy - please let us know how the search for local meetings goes! Keep coming back too!

Kris - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I did some small edits for the curse words - just FYI. I am sorry that you are affected by the disease and the diseased as you are. I hope you can find some peace here and rethink seeking out Al-Anon meetings. I tried everything possible and only found my peace and serenity through the Al-Anon program. Keep coming back and know that you are not alone!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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