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Post Info TOPIC: Ala-Miracles & Jail story


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 135
Date:
Ala-Miracles & Jail story


Today I have been counting the miracles big and small:
 
So I am the mother of the groom in September. I have to go out shopping for my mother of groom dress. The place closest with most selection is off an exit on the highway that I have never wanted to use again, because it is the exit of where my son was in jail about 7 yrs ago. 
He had quite a serious drug problem back then and was in jail with a bail of just $20. We refused to bail him out. (doing nothing is often really doing something I have learned in Al-anon) But doing nothing and NOT getting in the way of this 22 year old's consequences was brutally, brutally hard---so I also found out doing nothing is not for sissies. I had to go to read literature, cry, talk & attend many meetings so that I could learn just how to be supportive without saving him looked.  How to care without controlling and how to be concerned without getting consumed. I needed loads of hugs and to hear other ppl's stories and experiences of what that is actually like in practice. The phrase that came to me from one dear Ala-pal was to say and act from this place: "I will support your well-being (recovery) but I will not support your demise (disease)."  OR  "I love you, but am not comfortable doing that..." When they want an explanation just pause and repeat phrase---had to also learn that we do not owe an explanation to anyone.
 
So fast forward 7 yrs, my son is doing well after about 4 additional bumpy/scary more years. He has developed a deepening faith, has gone to school, built a thriving business and is getting married in September to a young woman whom we admire and adore. There is a beautiful miracle right there.
 
He does not go to meetings and does seemingly drink and smoke pot to some degree. The miracle is that knowing that is not driving me crazy with concern. I rarely go there in my mind, because Al-anon has taught me: 1. it is not my business or responsibility to know this 2. I can have contentment and even happiness no matter what someone else is doing. 3. My son has a higher power and I am not it. 
 
The other miracle is that seeing that exit sign and anticipating going there for the wedding dress for HIS marriage to a NICE healthy wife drew such a stark contrast between where we were to where we are now. Where I am now to where I was then. 
 
Then recently he mentioned something about how much money he is giving to his church and I was thinking "he can't afford that..." (like it is my business) and then I thought wow, what a great concern to have--back then it was about how much money he was paying his drug dealer. Another miracle.
 
I am beyond grateful for the beauty in my life in this and other areas that I see when I pay attention...and I realistically know it can change on a dime too, we have all seen that. But when I go to the "what if this or that happens and his life goes down the tubes".... I can make a quick switch to "ya and what if it is all ok?" And "what if higher power is always there to guide love and strengthen me no matter what happens?" That is a "what if" miracle I can count on thanks to the steps, spiritual growth and everyone here.
---Thanks for reading---May we all remain aware & present to the gifts everywhere around us, Luv123


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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 78
Date:

Great share!  I hope to be like you someday



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 16288
Date:

((LUV)) I am happy for you sending positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 649
Date:

Luv, thank you sharing your Ala-miracle. I just came home from a very fulfilling Al-Anon meeting, and then to read your share -- I feel even better!

"Doing nothing is not for sissies" -- I love that, it should be an official Al-Anon slogan.

Here's hoping that the miracles continue for you and your family.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13719
Date:

 

 

Gracious I have learned to love the miracle shares and to weep with happiness when I do.   Mahalo Luv...sooo much and continued love and support for your family in recovery.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3136
Date:

Congrats what aa testimony to how alanon works!! Big hugs and many blessings for your family!!

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"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8827
Date:

How cool is all that? I love hearing the miracles of recovery as it brings me 'God-bumps'!!! Thank you for coming by and sharing with us your journey, his journey and where things are, just for today! Keep doing what you're doing - it looks awesome on you!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

a4l


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 935
Date:

Loved this post for its honesty, wisdom and clarity. Easy does it springs to mind. Not reacting, stopping, reframing the first feelings, remembering there are other options. Thanks for the share!

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4995
Date:

Thank you. Such a hopeful post go me. Timing is perfect too because I'm thinking my son may be going to jail soon due to his bad behaviour when drunk. I agree doing nothing is not for sissies but now I know how important it actually is I need to have the strength to let those valuable consequences help him. Thanks again powerful message for me and congratulations enjoy the wedding x

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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 135
Date:

Thanks for responding---one day at a time we keep on plugging and together we can make it!



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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv

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