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Post Info TOPIC: Special Days are hard


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 10
Date:
Special Days are hard


He makes promises and plans that never come to pass. I know this will happen. Its not a surprise. I've let go of the expectation. I know if I want something special on Mother's Day or any special day its up to me to plan and make happen. But I do it begrudgingly. Its still hurts me. It hurts even more because our children get excited to do something for the day with him for me and then it never happens. It hurts them too. I am still relying on him to fill a void in me when I know that is something he cannot provide. So I hug my babies and try to feel the joy of knowing I am loved. But it is difficult today, to live and let live, be honest with myself, and let go and let God. So today I'll try to keep an open mind, fake it till I make it, and know what's to be will be. Even if I find it difficult to work through the hurt. 

 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 809
Date:

Welcome Hidden-You seem to have a good understanding about your situation. Of course it doesn't take the pain away. Spending time with the kids, going to a park or anything simple, can be a way to celebrate your motherhood, with or without anyone else. You deserve TLC and I have learned to give it to myself. You know the saying, you can't get bread in a hardware store. I pray you find some joy in your Mother's Day, Lyne

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Lyne



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 262
Date:

Hi Hidden, I love what Lyne shared. Spending the time with my kids always helped. I'm glad you are here.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 550
Date:

Hidden, I understand how difficult holidays can be, with our wishes for how they will play out and the reality of how sometimes our wishes are not fulfilled and we get stress instead.

Something I have started doing, on all major holidays, is to go to a meeting as early as possible in the day. That is something I can control, and it immediately gives me that sense of community with understanding people, which makes the holiday meaningful for me.

Best wishes for a joyful mother's day with your kids.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Online
Posts: 8454
Date:

I too understand Hidden....in my case, it's adult children who have learned or chosen to not recognize special days. It is incredibly hard and it can be painful. I love what Freetime has shared and that's certainly a tool I use - I went to a meeting first thing this morning. It's been a difficult weekend as we also had graduation and party yesterday that went different than hoped. Yet, I've also learned in recovery to Trust God, Clean House and Help Others, so after I did my morning routine, I sat her and sent out some messages to others I know who struggle on this day wishing them a lovely Mother's Day.

Getting out of self and doing small random gestures for others helped my mood/outlook greatly this morning. I then went to my meeting, came home and took a long afternoon nap, much needed and deserved.

I was told early in recovery that acting as if it's just another day was helpful. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers for a good day - Happy Mother's day!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 10
Date:

Thank you all so very much. Iamhere your tag line got me today. I didn't practice the Pause. I assumed and after my AH woke up(far later than I would like to control) he and the children cleaned the whole house, cooked me dinner, and even got me a few small well thought of gifts. It was the first time in years. If I had "Practiced the PAUSE" I would have saved myself much heartache. You know what they say about assuming. and I'll leave it at that.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Online
Posts: 8454
Date:

(((Hidden))) - that's awesome that they did remember you and your value! Super, super cool....We truly just never know what comes next and working this program helped me to anticipate goodness at times vs. all 'gloom/doom' which was how I projected before!

Keep coming back - you are not alone!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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