The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am not on here often, but I so appreciate the advice and encouragement I always receive when I do remember to get on.
The past few days Iāve really been struggling with replaying bad memories of my husband when he was drinking. He has been sober since December, but I still have so much anxiety, and it is amplified when I think too much about what happened. I want to stop replaying these things so I can live in the present, but it is so hard right now. Partially because Iām also struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety, but also because my nieces moved in with me recently because their mom is an addict and I hate seeing them hurting, as they are just children. Every time I see them hurting I know exactly how they feel and it triggers me, but I also want to be able to help them.
I guess I am just at a loss as how to manage my emotions so Iām not a useless mess of anger and sadness and disappointment and anxiety.
Any tips or encouragement would be much appreciated.
Hugs, (((Dorothy))). What helped and helps me is gratitude lists, written or just mental also. This reminds me of the good things I overlook but that are real. Before Alanon I rarely saw anything positive, it has been a great practice for me... Keep coming back, you are not alone :)
Hi Dorothylynn you certainly have a great deal on your plate and it is understandable that you are feeling this way. Meetings helped me to center my thoughts as did working, with a sponsor on the 4th through 11th step re the memories. r When i began to look at he pain from the past, I immediately looked for MY PART in the situation, owned it and tried to learn the lessons from the past. This is not easy so that talking with a sponsor is extremely important. Please keep coming back and let us know how it goes. Gratitude lists also help
Hey there Dorothylynn - agree with those above me. For me, it's in the program that I found my center and used as many tools as possible to get to it. A sponsor was very helpful for me to calm me and bounce my craziness off in the beginning. Focusing on just today helped me tons also - I arrived waffling between the past - what if it happens again and the future - nothing will ever get better. As you can see, both of these scenarios were all about negative thoughts in my own mind, one of many ways this disease affects us.
Leaning into the program, and doing what was suggested helped me greatly. Glad you stopped in/by and know that you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I, too, agree with what was said above. One practice I do daily is write in a journal. I find that I am able to notice how I am feeling, express them, write about them, understand where they are coming from, and then literally "close the book" on them. I do this not to ignore them, because I've allowed myself to feel them and think about them, but by allocating time every morning to do this, I am able to move forward with my day in a positive way once I close the book. I allow myself to come back to reflect on those feelings the next morning, when I am again writing in my journal, but once I've closed the book on those feelings for the day, I bring my attention to what is going on right now, my gratitude list, and what is going right with my day.
I also have the Al-Anon slogans written on note cards, and I pick one for the day and keep it close by, where I can see it frequently and be reminded of how I want to be as often as I need it.
Keep coming back. Al-Anon works when we work the program
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you all for the encouragement and tips! I will definitely try them! I have so many alanon books my grandpa gave me, and I need to actually read them. Not sure if I can get a sponsor where I live (super remote and rural) but I am definitely going to try the gratitude lists. I want so badly to be in a better place emotionally and spiritually, and I know working through the help Iāve been given is a good first step.
Dorothylynn I will ask my HP to seek you out and abide with your spirit. My HP has done it often for me and for others in the past so take care and let go of the struggles for a while and relax with the slogan ""easy does it". MY sponsor taught me to schedule my worries and struggles only for certain times of the day and only for so long a time. 15 minutes was too long he taught me so I learned not to fret so often or so long. Try it, it works when You practice. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
