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Post Info TOPIC: Out of Coping Mechinisims


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 44
Date:
Out of Coping Mechinisims


I started reading the book today. I started reading because I'm out of coping mechanisms to get through each day. Out of coping mechanisms for my AH and for our children. I'm a shell of what I once was, alone, hurt and confused. Isolated with no where to turn and no physical Meetings with in 60 miles of where I live. In a town of less than 3000 people, 6bars and 3liquor stores I was surprised to find myself with no where to turn. To be honest I'm harboring some pretty serious anger at both my AH and myself but I got a glimpse of my former self through a project I am working on and found a desperate need to become happy again. But I hesitate because I know no one can fix it form me but me and I'm not sure I have the strength left to move forward even more than 1 minute at a time some days. I was raised to be self reliant, that I had the power to change my circumstances so for me Step 1 feels like looking at a Mountain, even more so after conditioning myself that if I just do things a certain way my AH won't have an outburst or won't come home drunk or won't get drunk at home. The logical side of me see's how ridiculous this is but my survival instincts scream at the top of their lungs at the thought. I don't want to work the steps alone but it seems it is my only hope. So I'm here. For anything and everything anyone is willing to share, for inspiration and sometimes just to not feel so alone. 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 16282
Date:

Hello Welcome I am so pleased that you found the courage to reach out and share You are no longer hidden in plain sight and are certainly not alone. i can so identify with all that you shared. The on line meetings held here in the chat room as well as our step work Board will be a tremendous help aa you attempt to recover from the effects of this dreadful disease
Here is the link to the Step Board and Chat room-

http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t64250229/alanon-step-one-1-2-2018

-- please do keep coming back



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 210
Date:

hello and welcome and hugs to you. you are in the right place. you may be low on coping mechanisms, but you're not out of them - you picked up the book. (which book? How Al-Anon Works?) and you came here. books have been my lifeline during many low points and challenges in life. read book(s), come here and read more, and share. you are not alone. you've acknowledged that you've conditioned yourself to believe that you can control the uncontrollable - another person's behavior, another person's disease, the effects of that disease. each relationship and situation is unique. and yet... we all have so much in common, our struggles are similar regardless of their differences. One Day At A Time is a slogan you will hear a lot. but sometimes it really is one minute at a time. take it one minute, one thought, one action at a time. there are online meetings here as well. take a look around. glad you found us.   



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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 224
Date:

Welcome hiddeninplainsight and so glad you made your way to our door and stepped inside. I remember feeling completely exhausted when I stumbled into alanon. All I could do in  the beginning was sit and listen. Slowly my confidence grew and I started to share. No one judged me, they just accepted me and shared their experience, strength and hope. We all understand how it feels to be effected by another person's disease. Thank you for sharing and please keep coming back.



-- Edited by Stan1 on Sunday 6th of May 2018 05:11:11 PM

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HES



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3136
Date:

Hugs and Welcome,

I hope you will keep coming back .. you are not alone.

Hugs S :)

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"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13719
Date:

 

 

I hope to hear more from you in the days to come.  You cannot  hide or be alone in this family.  Keep coming back.   ((((Hugs)))) smile



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 806
Date:

Welcome, Hidden!

I found that reading the stickies and the "ol'timer's" posts really helped me A LOT in the beginning of my journey.

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Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8822
Date:

Howdy and welcome from my small part of the world! Glad you found us and glad that you shared! Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 866
Date:

Welcome and I am glad you reached out...the scariest thing for me was that first reaching out--admitting I had issues because of alcoholism and I needed help....after that it got easier because I saw I was never alone...You are not alone..you are cared for and like Betty said, there are great online meets here...I think everynight, if not, very often during the week...I go when I can and I always walk away a better person...the honesty and sincerity here and in the meets is nothing short of amazing...I also learned that I don't have to "like" everyone..that is OK but whether I connect with another traveler or not, I know we are seeking the same peace and freedom and self acceptance/love and that makes us fellow travelers and it makes the journey easier...Knowing I am not alone...Please keep coming back...I related to your post...been there...felt like that....IN SUPPORT

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Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 44
Date:

Thank you all. Attended my first online meeting last night. They Started at step 1 for the newcomers. It was helpful to hear the shares. It helped me think of things for my step 1 that I was either avoiding or hadn't realized. I find as I start step 1 being honest with myself is harder than I would have thought. Mostly because I am not very trusting of my feelings yet. I'm having a hard time sorting through what are my truths and what false truths have been instilled in me from this disease. I think I'll be sorting through step 1 for a good long while. I did however reach out to my best friend that I haven't talked to in months. I had shut her out because I could not control her roll in my situation. I shut her out because controlling my husband became the overwhelming force in my life. She walked right back into my mess and not only didn't judge me but gave me a tear filled reminder of how amazing, wonderful, and powerfully powerless I am. I was able to laugh whole heartedly that evening for the first time in a solid year about something my daughter did and it just showed me how letting go can truly be a path to serenity. Thank you all for letting me share.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 16282
Date:

Hi Hidden, I am so pleased to read your update and to hear of the many tools you have embraced as the result of attending the on line meeting.
I too found that friendships did bloom again and my sense of humor returned full force. Please keep coming back it gets better and better.

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 643
Date:

Hi Hidden, I am so glad to hear how powerful that first online meeting was for you, and that you reached out to a friend. Those are exactly the kinds of things that have helped me. I agree that it takes time to "get" what the steps mean to us. As my sponsor told me, be gentle with yourself. Thank you for sharing the journey with us.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8822
Date:

(((Hidden))) - it's so lovely to hear that you found your courage and attended an online meeting....I repeat that for sharing with a friend - good for you. Speaking of my own experience, I was so full of shame that I didn't want to tell those close to me how insane my life/family had become. I felt so defeated and was fearful of judgement, consternation and more.

Reaching out for help and taking action is an awesome way to start recovery and Step one. I personally felt a bit of relief just knowing I wasn't alone in living with the insanity this disease brings. Take all the time you need to embrace recovery - it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Also, we truly strive for progress only, one day at a time, not perfection.

Keep coming back and know that there is hope and help in recovery!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 152
Date:

(((hidden in plain sight))) I hate to see you feel this way.

Even thought there are face to face meetings in my area, I don't have the possibility to go as I have 3 young children and rely heavily on others to look after them while I do my own therapy (so helpful I highly recommend finding someone!), to get an hour for myself or do counselling together with my now recovering husband.

I have found that reading AlANon literature and doing the Steps on here by myself as well as posting on here have helped me massively. I find it very comforting to know that when I lay my feelings bare on here that there is always someone awake at some point of the day who responds to my posts, thoughts, feelings, cries for help. These responses trickle in throughout the day and they help me tremendously!! You are not alone, you are not lost. We all need help and this is the place to get it if you are too far away for actual meetings. I also find my 2 very best friends are and have been massive life changers!

Keep well and keep coming back here, it's a wonderful place!

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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 461
Date:

Welcome. Glad you have joined us. The awesome thing about the steps is that you proceed at your own pace and no one is going to tell you what's best for you. Most people who have been around for a while do the steps more then once as this becomes a way of living.

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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 200
Date:

Welcome. Glad you are here. I too was exhausted and struggling. I still have bad days but this program is helping me rebuild me. Take care and come back. We're here for you.

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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band

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