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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 4/13/18


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8327
Date:
Courage to Change 4/13/18


Good morning MIP!  Today's reading talks about considering change(s) to how we respond to situations today.  Kindness is suggested as a goal instead of defensiveness or disrespect.

It goes on the discuss relationships and how complicated they are simply because people are complicated.  We all have our own ideas, values, hopes and more.  The chance we align with another on all these is slim.  Disagreements can be healthy and enlightening if we view them as a way to develop and deeper our relationships.  Kindness and respect for all concerned goes a long way to making this possible.

We can honor ourselves and our decisions without being defensive today because we respect our right to make the best decisions possible.  When others aren't happy with our decisions, we can still behave in a manner that feels good to us.  Others have a right to disagree, feel differently and to be disappointed.  We can respect that right and still stick to our own principles.

Today's reminder --  Today I will try to view every conflict as an opportunity to heal. I will honor myself by responding with courtesy.

Today's quote -- from The Talmud --  "The highest form of wisdom is kindness."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As with most things, I did not get an instruction book on how to coexist with others as a young person.  When others did not agree with my point of view, I would press harder, grow louder and often add more emotions, with an unknowing manipulative intent to change their point of view AND to get my way.

I really believed and processed in black/white, right/wrong, etc.  And, without bad intentions, I was a right fighter driving home my point of view and my values.  With such a narrow way of 'being', this narrowed my relationships and others who value diversity of values stepped back often.  

Recovery is were my mind was opened which always helped open my heart.  It has been suggested often and always that we be gentle with ourselves and others.  We don't know what is best for anyone but self, and ordering, advising, directing and arguing lead us away from the 'middle' where we are most spiritually fit.  Treating all we encounter with kindness and respect feels much better too as I'm not left with emotional hangovers from that old way of right-fighting!

Practicing unconditional acceptance through this program brought me to unconditional love which is one cornerstone of my serenity.  Al-Anon has given me the tools to respond instead of react, and there is no shame at all in doing so with gentleness, kindness and respect.

Happy Friday all - we got storms headed this way tonight and a bit more winter planned for the weekend.  My little people are coming over for another play date tonight and I'm pretty excited.  Make it a great day!



__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 655
Date:

Good morning MIP! IAH, thank you for your service

As a child, I learned to give up what felt right to me to avoid the temper tantrums of my mother and sister. Seems I learned that particular lesson well, as I applied all those same strategies with my AW - all she had to do was get angry or loud and I'd give in even when it didn't feel right to me. With program work, I am learning to stand up for what I believe is right, and to be sure that the decisions I make are the right decisions for me. And, I am working on communicating those decisions with kindness and respect.

Winter storms headed this way again, too. Looks like I'll have the opportunity to get my exercise this weekend in one of my favorite ways: shoveling.

__________________

Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 15832
Date:

Hi IAH I do believe that "Kindness is a powerful tool that helps me to interact in the world in a constructive supportive manner. I can still follow alanon's suggestions to say whet i need without saying it mean.
I love the guote that is part of my signature as it is so true.

Happy Friday the 13 th.:)

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 783
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Thank you IAH and for all the shares. When others did not agree with me I assumed I was a horrible, defective, stupid person, and people would automatically dislike me! What a great message I learned about myself. UGH. Sometimes I think it's a miracle I made it to adulthood without self-destructing. The quote about kindness combined with many alanon steps and tools have given me a new way of thinking, and hence a new life. I'm a very grateful member of alanon, Lyne

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Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 534
Date:

Thank you for your service, IAH, and for all the ESH. Before Alanon I don't think I really considered that I could and that its better for me to be kind regardless of what others do or say. I am learning. Messed up with this yesterday, where I had a holier than thou moment with a colleague of mine. Its not major, but yeah, there was no kindness involved and instead arrogance and know-it-all -ism. Live and learn. I am glad I am able to take this relatively well, thanks to program. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Miss Betty - when I was reading/writing this morning, my eyes went straight to the bottom of the page! I have always LOVED that in your signature and it's not just a 'quote' in your case - you've given me great examples of what pure, genuine kindness is.....it is a keeper, no doubt!

I did forget to make mention of Friday the 13th so happy day all. I have to laugh at me - I ran errands this morning, and needed to get 2 things from the grocery store - dill pickle relish and fingernail polish remover. I came home with a roast, Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms, Lays Chips and Cinnamon Pecans - and WITHOUT the pickle relish AND the remover. (Insert huge eye-roll here)

These things would have ate my lunch before Al-Anon and I would have beat me up all day over it AND probably lashed out at anyone else who crossed my path. Today, I can just laugh as I unload my car, and add it to my list for my next visit!! (((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Date:

awwI have  done much the same when shopping IAH  enjoy the day



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Senior Member

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Posts: 207
Date:

Hello MIP and thank you IAH for C2C on kindness and for your service and for those who shared ESH before me. Kind of chuckling re going to the store for 2 items and coming out with everything but. I can so relate and have even taken a list and still missed items on the list. I don't get so annoyed with myself anymore just start another list for next time. If I'm tired or hungry my checked basket can be a real surprise...lol. My memory in younger years was pretty good so I wasn't too graceful as it aged in fact I would just get frustrated and certainly wasn't being kind to myself or anyone in "vomit" range. How Important Is It ? Grants me serenity and clears the mind and opens a path for kindness.*(vomit) thanks Serenity



-- Edited by Stan1 on Friday 13th of April 2018 05:27:11 PM

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HES



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 8327
Date:

Oh Stan1 - I did make a list and of course laughed for doing so and left it at home on the counter - 2 things....it is funny and yes - I was hungry when I went and have been really, really disciplined lately with eating 'clean' so most of what I bought is now just sitting there tempting me.

YOLO - You Only Live Once keeps popping in my head tonight...

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

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Posts: 207
Date:

IAH... I just shared 4 leftover chocolate Easter eggs with my friends at lunch so they are no longer tempting me. Yes I had one too YOLO :)



-- Edited by Stan1 on Friday 13th of April 2018 08:47:56 PM

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HES



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 8327
Date:

Good for you - mine are still this morning tempting me....yours are at least out of eye-shot!!! Ha.ha.ha.ha....

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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