Hi Itsjustme,

Welcome to MIP. That's a very hard place to be when you care for someone. Alcoholism is a terrible illness but your bf is in the hands of professionals and a higher power. I hope if you are not already attending Alanon, you are able to find in person Alanon support in your community. Attending meeting during such a crisis can help for feeling less alone. Self care is so important when someone we care about it hospitalized. I was not good support for my loved one if I didn't get enough sleep, remember to eat something, take care of my pets needs etc. I had to remember to let the people who were trained experts in care do what only they could do best, remembering to let go and let god manage all of it. Hp has a way of letting us know if hp needs our assistance. The fact that he is going through the withdrawal process in a hospital is a positive thing. He is being monitored by caring professionals.

I understand your feelings. It does feel scary to witness it and feel so powerless to help. Prayers for you and your bf during this difficult time. Keep coming back to share and update us. (((hugs))) TT

What I did was hang around, very closely, the Al-Anon family Groups....and I listened, listened, listened because they were the ones that went thru it before me.  (((hugs)))

I've sat at the bedside of the alcoholic/addict, after they were found unconscious and were taken to the hospital. I've sat on the other side of bullet-proof glass, and on the other side of a video monitor, while the alcoholic/addict was in jail. I've sat at the bedside of the alcoholic/addict, when they were strapped to the bed after a suicide attempt. I've sat on the other side of a table and on the phone, when the alcoholic/addict was in rehab, both expected and unexpectedly...and last but not least, same as you, at the bedside when the alcoholic/addict was in the hospital, sick, going through withdrawal.

What do I say? I've asked those questions many times. Well, in my experience, I categorized every single event into one of two categories. Voluntary or involuntary. Did they choose to quit and find recovery on their own. My sponsor suggested this could dictate how was I supposed to behave, react, choose, etc. When my wife decided on her own to find recovery and quit drinking/drugs -- I was there for her, in a healthy and supportive way. I was a bit of a cheerleader, a partner, and someone who loved them and supported them in their decision to get clean, sober, and live a life of recovery.

If this was involuntary, and they went to rehab involuntarily, got arrested, quit drinking/drugs BUT it was temporary, and they chose NOT to get into recovery, etc. -- then I was no longer a partner in their decision. I was not supporting them in their decision or in dealing with the consequences of their decision. I would be there for them, but in a different way, still healthy, but healthy for me, still supportive, but supportive for me. I found myself saying "I am sure you will figure that out" or "I am sure you will think about your options" or something along those lines. I was not cold, I did not abandon, but I was not going to be a partner or jump into the chaos, drama, turmoil, and havoc that resulted in the alcoholic/addict's decisions and actions. I certainly wasn't a cheerleader -- because the alcoholic/addict had NOT made a decision to quit and find recovery, so I was not cheering that decision, LOL.

I detached, both physically and emotionally -- regardless of the situation. I had boundaries, regardless of the situation. I immersed myself in acceptance, regardless of the situation. So, I focused on me, and I did the next thing in front of me. I spiked up my face to face meetings, and I spoke with my sponsor, more often, and constantly. Meeting makers make it. My sponsor helped me, and guided me, and gave me objective, unbiased, and much needed perspective and guidance.

Keep coming back.