The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a look at the phrase take care of yourself. I will admit that when I was just coming to the program and new to it, when someone told me to care for myself I typically responded with a (visible) eye roll. It seemed trite to me- of course I was taking care of myself blah blah blah. The more I invested in my own recovery, the more I realized how fundamental a concept it is to care for oneself. What does that mean to me?
For me it starts with acknowledging what I might be feeling rather than stamping it down, it means eating well and exercising, it means reading and reflecting, it means being able to say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean.
Todays reading also speaks specifically to how recovery may include becoming more financially responsible. Personally I noticed that since I no longer live with an active A, I do not fret as much about money. I have been able to pay off debts and start a savings. Having money in the bank that only I am responsible for is another feeling of freedom that has come along since working the program.
The quote for today from Al-ateen mentions prudence being a channel between fear and recklessness. I thought it such an accurate description of pre program: fear, anxiety, recklessness and in recovery: peaceful, calm, responsible.
For those of you adjusting to daylight saving time as we are in CT- I hope you enjoy that extra daylight today :)
Thanks for your service, Mary, and for your ESH! I, too, see taking care of myself as very important and something I am working on. For me at this moment, taking care of myself includes letting myself feel what I feel and have my own opinion, eat well, take care of how I look, let myself relax and have fun more, going to meetings, working the steps with my sponsor, coming here to MIP, paying attention to my needs and trying to fulfill them. I've slacked-off with exercising, that's something to work on. Financial responsibility has become way easier since I don't live with my ex-abf anymore. I didn't have the courage to protect my finances when we were together, I was a well-trained financial sponsor/enabler, unfortunately.
Today's topic is interesting b/c like most of us here, we KNOW what "taking care of yourself"means. However, many times when in active "living w/addiction mode," we have become too programmed to take care of others (especially our qualifier), so self-care is foreign to us. Yeah, we know what to do... but rarely do we give ourselves enough love to actually do it!
I have recently found that I am considered an "Authentic Empath." Seriously, something I have known my whole life, but never had a label. But in being so, I give of myself for others until there is very little of me left!! Sound familiar MIP family? LOL! So keying in on what self-care means for me, and then implementing those things have been part of my Step 4 work. I am still working on it. The process is like peeling an onion.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Mary and Aline! I happen to hate 'Springing Forward' as I am not a morning person, and can really feel the loss of that hour!!! I hope everyone here enjoys their Sunday.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hi Mary Love this reading as well as the definition of fear driving us to anxiety and recklessness- whereby serenity is followed by peaceful , calm and responsiblity. I know which I choose each day and am pleased I have the tools to accomplish it. Thank you alanon. Thanks or your service Mary
Thanks Mary for the daily and your service. Thanks to all for the ESH and shares. I too did the eye-roll when I heard this. I also learned what self-care really means and how it can be a game-changer in recovery. I was 'superficial' in my definition of self-care when I arrived. Slowly, I learned that it means way more than daily shower, painted nails, nice clothes/make-up, etc. The best self-care I've gained a better understanding is a great relationship that is mine solely with HP and the gift of willingness to keep growing as a person vs. as a mom, sister, daughter, etc...
Self-care gave me back. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Self care was the last thing on my mind- at my first meeting over 45 years ago. I wanted to help alcoholics and went to an open public meeting. I must have shared, even then... because after the meeting a couple of women came over to me and talked with me about Alanon...
I went to my first actual meeting 13 years later... self care and 'minding my own business' was not my only concern... I had some deep underlying issues stemming from abuse and neglect. Expecting Alanon to address this might have been a big ask.
This week I went to a F2F meeting down the road. They were having a conscience meeting. A younger member was there running the meeting. They got right into the topic. This was a relief and a revelation to me. I was actually sitting next to her. After the meeting we exchanged a few pleasantries. I really felt welcome and a part of the group.
As an adult child I know I will always have some difficulties with authority figures... but then at times I do have to stick up for myself- in a confident way. Getting that mix right has been a part of my lifetime journey.
I have had some glitches and grudges with Alanon locally... and with the area assembly. I went to the last Alanon only assembly. But not to the AA-Alanon assembly.
Last month I went to a reunion of the treatment centre I attended in the late 80s as a family member.
There they had combined meetings with AA, Alanon, NA and ACA CODA- which was a real revelation. The latter two are not allowed at regular assemblies. [I guess that is the same everywhere].
Coming into an Alanon meeting is like 'crossing the border' for me. Because I also attend ACA meetings. But crossing the border into Alanon is like coming back to my home country! I respect Alanon deeply. and when in the rooms I try my best to observe the culture and customs.
In this group, MIP Alanon, I sometimes share generally, or speak to readings from ODAT and C2C... but I am more up with Hope For Today, really.
Around Alanon here in NZ I feel like I am treading on eggshells, walking on glass. Like I have an accumulation of family members just like my own who try to stem and stop discussion- about nearly everything...
...I sense and know that that has a lot more to do with me than Alanon! But in other ways- as an old timer now- I know there were times I could have spoken up- when i did not.
The big issue for me was my right to read from Hope For Today- round here- and I was told it was not conference approved!
It was like every thing I had said from home came crashing round my ears...
i know here I can delete what I say... so maybe, in this alanon group- especially round the Hope For Today readings- I can push my boundaries a little... nudge them... and see what a modern Alanon group is made of.
I feel confident here- because we have a bunch of really strong members... from all parts of the world... the accumulated wisdom means a lot to me.
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