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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update on Momma
Post Info TOPIC: Update on Momma
Iamhere


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Update on Momma
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I made mention in passing that my mom had a slight stroke Friday night.  My parents are 83 and have had a long and blessed life.  However, they are both slipping just a bit mentally and I have used my program to not worry or fret too much.  They are definitely on OPT (Old People Time) which means they go to bed before 9pm usually and get up before 5:30am usually.

So - when the phone rang Friday night and it was past OPT, my heart skipped a beat/two.  It was my father calling from the local hospital to tell me they were there for my mom.  She's got heart issues, different from my AH - her heart is just failing and she's got a pace-maker.  Yet - there are heart people all around me it feels, just for today!

When he described what happened, I knew it was a stroke.  I went to medical school years ago - switched it all up before completion, yet I knew.  But, he did not and I was just listening so he could let it out and decompress.  Long story short, they did not have the staff and necessary equipment at the local hospital, so they were going to transport by Ambo. to a bigger hospital 40 minutes away.  

I get a call back a couple hours later, and they don't have staff for an Ambo. ride, so they are transporting her via helicopter.  My dad even joked saying he could keep up with an ambulance but not a helicopter.  Needless to say, he beat the helicopter and we are not sure why but he did.

As of today, she is fully back to pre-episode functionality - physically and mentally and verbally.  This is awesome news and I am holding on to 'that', just for today.  Yet, she's now been in a hospital for 3 days and they just today got around to doing an MRI.  They won't know the results until tomorrow so she's staying another night.

I realize insurance (Medicare) may be driving this process and/or approvals but for the ever love of all that is sane, how broken can this process be?  I don't rant often but the toll of being in another state while all this is going on and their ability (or lack of) to feel comfortable and ask questions is driving me a bit crazy.

My mother visited her heart doctor 10 days ago (a week ago Friday) and no mention (that we know of...) of a RECALL on her pacemaker.  So - when my dad told me there was a recall for her pacemaker model, I did drop an F-Bomb...he laughed, said he almost did the same thing but refrained.  

So - she's not eating much, is dehydrated as she only likes to drink wine and pop and I am 18 hours away trying to keep my #%@# together!!!  I will say that writing about it helps - it is very hard to be 'here' and have them there.  My father, the ever-present, ever-loving enabler did share today that she's wrecked the new car twice in the last 4 weeks - sober!!!  I asked if he thought maybe she should not be driving and he's not sure...nono

Thank God I have a program that allows me to detach from ALL people, places and things.  Thank God I have a higher power who keeps telling me more will be revealed.  Thank God I have people around me who know that this is hard and I'm doing my best.  And finally, I am a bit grateful - just for today - that I am 18 hours away or I might be doing some controlling behavior and yelling at some hospital staff!!!

Thanks for letting me vent - I will say that yesterday or the day before, I was sitting with HP and my feelings.  I prayed for God's will for her and heard back that if/when it's her time to depart from this earth, I could celebrate a life well-lived and that I was a good daughter.  This program has given me the ability to make my amends to her for all that I've said, thought, threatened and done to her as well as what I felt she'd done to me.  I have total peace in my mind, heart and soul and no regrets as this program gave me the freedom to forgive and rebuild a relationship with her.  It's not perfect, but it's not supposed to be.  When her time comes, I can let her go with No Regrets, and that's a gift directly from this program.

(((Hugs))) to all!



-- Edited by Iamhere on Monday 5th of March 2018 05:57:07 PM

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Hoot Nanny


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IAH: thanks for the update & your share. I hope the best for you. It is nice to hear more of your story.

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hotrod


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((IAH)) sending prayers and positive thought to embrace you as you and HP walk this uncharted road hand in hand .

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


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Sis...the very  most I can do with you is to hold your spirit and watch this play out as if we were sitting in the theatre watching a version of your life.  I've done that before as a demonstration of my powerlessness with my Higher Power going thru it with me.  I didn't feel so alone that way.  Life is and we live in the outcomes.  Send your angels to abide with her and envision them there because they are and let us abide with you as you do your part.    ((((hugs)))) smile



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Aline


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Its good your mom seems to be doing OK! Hugs, ((((IAH)))).

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Iamhere


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Thanks all - (((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
SerenityRUS


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Big hugs,

IAM .. getting old ain't for sissy's has never been a truer statement.

Bless you and your family.

Hugs S :)

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El


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My prayers go out to you and your mom (and dad), IAH.  It's a curse and blessing to be far away, I believe.

 

EL



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hotrod


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((IAH)) prayers continue

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Jen


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(((((IAH))))) I kind of know what you are going through. Went through similar with my Mom almost two years ago. Driving every day for 10 days, almost an hour, to be with her in the critical care unit of the hospital was tough. The long drive was tiring, but it did give me time each day to pray and calm myself. I was so grateful for this program, then. I can't even imagine how hard it would have been if I didn't have all the tools I spent ten years learning.

HP really does prepare us for what we have to deal with. I was able to put my mother in HP's hands and pray "Your will, not mine", and I was ok with that. As with your dear mother, mine has had a pretty good life and our relationship had had the opportunity to heal thanks to my program work. I love her, but didn't feel the need to worry over her condition because I prayer that HP take her care on His shoulders and guide me in what was in my power to control.

The most important thing I could do besides making decisions with the drs was to be there to reassure and comfort her as she came out of sedation and in the following days that were a confusing blur to her. I am very grateful for that and this program gave me that.

I know it's a blessing and a curse to not be there, as EL said. I am so glad your mom's recovery has been a speedy one with minimal long term effect. Hang in there and lean on your program.

Love in Recovery,



-- Edited by Jen on Tuesday 6th of March 2018 04:11:25 PM

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~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Iamhere


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Thanks all - we did get some test results and she's got some blockage in her carotid artery(ies). They are running some more tests to determine how best to manage that. At least we now know a bit more about what's going on within her.

I know we learn in recovery to believe God won't give us more than we can handle. I just got a call from a program friend who shared another young member in AA has passed. She has 4 children, and was 30 years old. Her husband found her dead in bed, and we don't yet know the cause but suspect an overdose.

I am again angry at this disease....it is wicked and it is deadly. I mourn for her family and all of us in recovery who knew and loved her. She was a sweet, outgoing, vivacious soul and I can honestly say that I am surprised. It goes to show that no matter what we show others on the outside, there is obviously an unknown battle internally.

I truly appreciate the shares and the prayers!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
_bunny_


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(((Iamhere))) prayers are on the way.

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Iamhere


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(((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
el-cee


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Hope your ok, sending love.x

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Iamhere


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Thanks for the support and love....we just got news that my mom will have surgery either tomorrow or Friday to clear some blockage in her carotid arteries. I do ask that you all keep her/us in your prayers.

I am also requesting thoughts and prayers two extended family members, both cousins. One had throat cancer return, and had surgery today to remove the cancer and more. He'll have a trach and a feeding tube and a super long recovery. His sister, fell out of her house onto a concrete patio, and broke 3 ribs and her collarbone....surgery is a possibility and pending.

I do believe I am close to overload. Yet, I do believe in the power of prayer often/always so .....

(((Hugs))) to all!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
hotrod


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((Hugs)) Prayers and positive thoughts continue for mom and your entire family.



-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:00:33 AM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


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Sis sharing it with MIP family lightens the overload just as ours lightens when you lift ours from our lives.  I've witnessed just too many  miracles in and on both sides of our recovery to not understand they are being shared with you and your family also.  ((((Mom))))   aww



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Maresie


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One of my.friends committed suicide over a year ago  it is still a shock. Hi knew he had struggled with depression but I don't know all the facts about what took place that day  I am also aware he hid his alcohol issues. 

 

Paul VOLBERDING from Sam Francisco General coined a phrase in the Aids crisis #People die ad they luve# 

My own mother's demise was full of drama intense frustration rage grief at the mother I never had and an intense desire to lash out at my sister's  Then there was all this vagueness too of what was wrong  with her how she should be treated and more .   It was truly all consuming 

I will keep you in my thoughts 

 

 



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Maresie
Tude


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((((IAH)))) Keeping you in my prayers. This is a broken system. Doing hospice for loved ones easily turned me into the f-bomb person. I love too deeply and there is no way, regardless of the pushing, the calling, the knowledge .........that getting angry at the system helped me or them any. Inept. Especially in a small town hospital......wrong meds, the list goes on. I moved my step grandmother out of that hospital while she literally was drowning in fluids and pitting at a 4! The hospital got on their high horse......I think they moved her to shut me up. Then had to deal with the hospital again a year later with my grandmother from my moms side. They have a good memory when someone tells them they are not doing their job....I was not in good shape looking back at it all. All was well as long as it didn't involved dealing with just how broken the system really is........

I'm grateful you have the program and also grateful I do too now. I'll keep the family also in my thoughts and prayers. On the road, will be for a few weeks and popping in off and on.

Hugs and BREATH.........

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Iamhere


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(((Hugs))) to all and thanks for the support. I can readily say that patience, or a lack of, is still a defect of me that I must keep an eye on. There is no doubt that my brain still wants to take 'action' that would be more controlling than helpful. As there has been a bit of 'life' happening around me, I am consciously focusing on doing 'me', my routines, etc. I have an old habit of allowing stress to derail my self-care and I'm working hard to be aware of that.

I have no news for today yet. I am truly grateful to have a place where I can ramble and 'dump'. This frees my brain up to listen proactively. Thank you all for being a part of my journey.

Tude - safe travels and happy vacation to you!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Enigmatic


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IAH, I can only imagine how difficult this time must be, so glad you have your program...Thoughts and prayers your way, hang in there

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
Iamhere


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Thanks Paul...my father did ask me to come so I left KS at noon with a one way ticket... I am not sure when I will be back but am where I am supposed to be... (((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
lookingup


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Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way (((((IAH))))).
Hugs,,Lu

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PosiesandPuppies


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(((((IAH))))))

I am away for a few days and I come back to your world turning upside down! Thank goodness you are strong with Program!
I will keep you and your family members in my prayers...safe travels!

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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 
Iamhere


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Surgery is planned for tomorrow to clear some blockage in the carotid arteries. Thanks for the support, prayers and thoughts... please continue!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
wp


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Best wishes and luck to you and yours, Iamhere.
Prayers for recovery for your mother.
wp

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tiredtonite


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Prayers and positive thoughts for you, your mom and family. ((iamhere))) TT



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Iamhere


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Thanks all - surgery was to happen this morning, which it did. It was scheduled for 8am and began around noon. This has been reasonably consistent - they are a very busy hospital and almost everything gets bumped for emergency admits/needs.

She came through the surgery well and is in the ICU. We have hopes that she will continue her recovery and move to a regular room tomorrow. If all goes well, she might get released on Monday. Of course, she is a 83 year old person and has a failing heart and some 'bad habits' so ... it's truly in God's hands.

I am exhausted as is my dad and we're doing all that we can to be supportive. Aging is hard to watch, so I am seeking tons of HP energy to remember that it's even harder to experience. I have no idea how long I am staying and as best I can tell, all is well at home. I did end up leaving town with many things up in the air, and have been forced to ask others for help and to step in and ... you know - all those things we can struggle with.

I am powerless over people, places and things. I found a gallon jug that is supposed to be distilled water but is actually white wine in 2 different places. My mother is also buying and consuming an assortment of OTC sleep-aids which are probably not a good mix with the distilled water/wine and there is nothing I can do or say that will change any of this. She will be on blood thinners, and they have almost all tile so falls will be beyond dangerous - possibly deadly, yet I am powerless. I know you all know how very difficult it is to watch this disease progress in others - I can honestly say that while I've known most of this for a long while, detaching is so much easier when we live in different parts of the country...

So - she's on the mend, yet her disease is progressing and it's tugging at my serenity and makes me sad. I know that more will be revealed and that God has a master plan - working hard to accept and detach one day at a time. Thanks to all for the continued prayers, support and well wishes.

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
PosiesandPuppies


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Glad to hear that your mom made it through anesthesia unscathed. I am sorry the disease is ever-present.
Sending you support!

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"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 
tiredtonite


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I'm glad that the surgery was a success. You're doing a great job working the Serenity Prayer in this situation. It's very hard watching our parents age. Hang in there. Thanks for the update. Continued prayers for all involved. (((iamhere))) TT



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Enigmatic


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Thanks so much for the update, continuing thoughts and prayers...

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
Stan1


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Glad to hear that the surgery was a success and prayers of healing and strength for all. Think it is harder sometimes being the caregiver than the patient. (((IAH)))

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HES
Stan1


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Glad surgery went well for your Mom. Healing thoughts and strength for all. (((IAH)))

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HES
Stan1


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Oh...double posting again....sorry

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Iamhere


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Good morning all. We are 'home again'....arrived late last night. They were willing to release her from the CICU (Cardiac ICU) at about the 30 hour mark as she's done quite well and only needed tylenol for pain. She opted out of any narcotic/stronger relievers which worked well to get her home.

She had a decent night and is weak - totally to be expected. She's got a pacemaker and we found out it had a battery recall so the company sent a monitoring unit that is now set up and ready to monitor her pacemaker battery/heart.

I just made pancakes which she had one so her appetite is slowly improving. I'm intending to do more cooking/cleaning today so that when I leave they will have some easy things to pull out and heat.

We are all exhausted - it's been an interesting journey. I'm planning to head home later this week - TBD....based on available flights. As it's spring break and AZ is quite popular, flight choices are limited and interesting! Thanks to all for the support and prayers. Hope and healing are my concept words for the day...(((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
serenity47


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So happy to hear your Mom is on the mend from her surgery. What a blessing recovery is in that they have you available in their aged years to help out as needed.

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Iamhere


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Thanks Serenity....I do feel grateful that I am able to be of service to my parents. I was thinking this morning in the shower that me being the one of service in my family is a miracle all by itself. I was the black sheep, the loser alcoholic - I actually was uninvited to many family affairs for fear of what I would do, say, cause. And yet - here I am, reliable, helpful, cheerful and present - all because of the grace of HP and the gift of recovery - AA & Al-Anon. I find humor in thinking, "If you only knew me back in the day..."

She's even better today - ate more breakfast and had some friends stop by. She's napping now and we're planning to try a walk a bit later on. My dad is golfing tomorrow which will give him a much-needed break. I have a flight home Thursday evening - am excited to see my fur-baby and family back home. I am cooking a huge Irish feast Friday - Corn Beef, Cabbage, Potatoes, Carrots and Irish Soda Bread...one of my favorite meals!

Very grateful for the support here as well as beyond. (((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Tude


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Hugs from on the road too. So grateful your mom is doing so well! I bet they r loving your help and visit:)

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Iamhere


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Thanks Tude - safe travels....enjoy your spring break trip! I know they enjoy me here....I also know they like their freedom. Like all things, balance is the key - try to be of service without control. There is no doubt I am worried about them yet there is no doubt I also trust HP...(((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
hotrod


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((Hugs))) Prayers continue



-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:00:52 AM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
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