The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for February 13 speaks to the fact that in Al-Anon we concentrate on looking at our own mistakes to see how we have contributed to the destruction in our lives . The reading suggests that we were not living in a vacuum with the alcoholic doing all the damage. We reacted in many ways and things became worse. Many of us (including myself) thought that it was then acceptable to blame the alcoholic for our reactions.
Al-Anon says we are responsible for our own behavior and cannot blame others when we act badly. The fourth step asks us to look at ourselves to discover how we contributed, in a negative fashion, to the misery in our lives it suggest that we asks did we talk too much or too when we should have been quiet. The reading also suggests it is extremely difficult to face our own shortcomings alone and that by attending meetings and sharing it is much easier to face our defects and assets together in Al-Anon since many of us have been guilty unknowingly of the same mistakes.
The quote is:'Make me grateful for having been shown the way out of my difficulties through the Al-Anon program of self understanding. Make me humble enough to accept a new and more irrational view of my life.
This is indeed a very powerful and unsettling reading. I know my first time reading this , passage I immediately went to pointing fingers at the alcoholic and saying, it only did not do such and such and such. I would not have behaved in that manner. MY sponsor quietly assured me that regardless of what the other person does I am still responsible for my responses and that Al-Anon will show me the way of not reacting but saying what I need, meaning what I said without saying it mean. How grateful I am for this powerful program.
Have a great day I am sorry that i am late posting.
Thank you for your service, Betty, and ESH. I am grateful that thanks to the program I am now learning to see my part in any interactions, relationships. I used to be so consumed by the A in my life (as well as in other social situations) that I lost myself, often reacted without thinking, and didn't really take responsibility for my actions or words, as I felt whatever came out of my mouth or whatever I did was because of X, so whatever I do is not my fault... Some of the stuff I did was something I wish very much I hadn't, but I can't change that. Now at least I'm learning a better way that is not destructive to me, or others.
Focusing on myself is a concept that I found very important for my recovery, and the longer I am in recovery, the more I see how important this is to staying sane. I also try to remind myself to "Listen and learn" more often these days, because I tend to talk too much at times, and not giving a fair amount of time to whoever I'm talking with, interrupting also.
I'm very grateful for Al-Anon and what this program is doing for me. Hugs to all :)
Thank you Betty and Aline for your ESH and shares. Thank you Betty for the daily and your service. I had spent so much time looking beyond me for the cause of all my problems that I was in denial about my contribution to the chaos, insanity and my own misery. I too lost myself in the merry-go-round we often experience in this disease and didn't even know it, let alone how to get off.
I am glad that we are given a chance to be/do different when we work recovery. I am grateful I have found my peace again and can better see what I contributed so as to hopefully no repeat again. Lastly, I am happy for what healing and serenity I have found as it sure makes life much easier.
Happy Tuesday to one and all....make it awesome in any way you can!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service Betty! I'm a day late in reading this, but am grateful for how I can understand this better today than 10-20 years ago. I'm still working on how to improve my interactions with others without attachment to the outcome, as well as be sure that my words come from my heart and not from my fears or anger.
