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Post Info TOPIC: A Character Defect


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 13
Date:
A Character Defect


Once again, I have blown up at an unsuspecting good person that just happened to be there when I got very irritable.  I immediately regretted it and tried to apologize but I could tell she was very hurt.  We are volunteers at a charitable agency and work side by side every Friday afternoon. It is not the first time I have done this to someone there.  I have felt terrible all weekend and have been hoping for some insight into whether I should quit my Friday shift or not.  I would hate for her to quit because she does not want to work with me any longer.  She is an asset to the organization and I am an a***le.  I keep hoping I will wake up and know what is the right thing to do.



-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 12th of February 2018 01:37:20 PM

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3026
Date:

Hugs MG,

Are you still attending meetings? That and working with a sponsor makes a HUGE difference.

Ok .. you messed up and you are human .. I can relate because I do that at least daily or apparently I haven't been living my best life. :)

I find that when I am in that mood I really have to step back and give myself a grown up timeout that means I practice HHALT. Hormonal, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (some people add S at the end for Sick, as in ill). Once I do an inventory and I figure out if I'm not meeting my own self care needs then I can come back and revisit if I have been out of line .. and yes .. sometimes I need to apologize.

I find I tend to make a mountain out of a molehill and a molehill out of a mountain so I can blow something up and do something drastic like quitting a project or whatever and I spend the evening practicing my best martyr behavior .. woe is me for being bad S.

What I encourage you to do is AFTER you have gotten over yourself (which I tend to have to do first), then approach the person in question and offer an apology with no butts. I was having a really bad day and I was out of line for taking it out on you. This is something I am working on because it's not attractive and it's not who I want to be. Then I follow through by doing what I say .. which is working on the behavior in question. Sometimes I am just an ass no different than a million other people in the world .. it's my self awareness that I know better so I can do better that makes the difference.

I garner to bet that you are just as much of an asset as this other persona and what they choose to do is up to them. They can quit or they can accept that people are human and make mistakes by moving forward and you doing your part by following through on the change in behavior.

Big hugs, and please keep coming back .. I also find when my life is unmanageable that it's time for a tune up program wise and figure out how I wish to be.

S :)


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"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 809
Date:

Hi MG-Wow I was reminded of how critical I used to be towards myself. It's taken a lot of work to learn how to forgive myself. I like Serenity's suggestion to apologize to the other person, and also the awareness that we are all human , we all make mistakes, always will, and can't be perfect . What I was impressed by was that you are so aware of you own behavior , and that awareness for me helps me make goals to strive for. Keep coming back, Lyne

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Lyne



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 262
Date:

(((Moviegal))) When I came in here........ I had a type of anger that I just could not get rid of, and.......I didn't understand it either. I've not been an angry person over my life. I was the doormat until some A's in my life (active and dry drunk) came into the picture and also were very opposite (lazy) me personality. I can seriously look back and see why my family slowed contact with me. I had become like a someone I didn't know and someone they did not know either. It seemed everything made me angry. Most of it I held in until it went on overload. I had one nice young man get in the way and got literally run over with my temper. He was on my amends list. There were more.

These days, that sneaky stuff with the area of anger are no longer there thanks to my HP whom I call God and thanks to this program and all in here! Before this I would battle and hope the anger was gone. BUT, it would always return. It truly is gone now and in place of it is peace. And I learned to let go, let God and let everyone choose their own paths, whether good or bad. I do slip, I am not perfect but that horrific anger is gone.

The steps gave me my sanity back. I could "see" where I was wrong, where things I tried to control were there even though I thought in many cases they weren't. I hope you keep coming back!

Hugs!

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4970
Date:

Make amends to her and then you. Then the steps to get to the truth of it then you may become entirely ready. Not sure what else regarding her leaving. Her choice and most likely less to do with you than you think.

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Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 13
Date:

Thank you all for your replies. I have read them over and over and now have to face the music as it is Friday. Thanks for the support. Sometimes I can say things here that I can't say at my face to face meetings.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13683
Date:

 

 

Make sure you include yourself in that list of those you make amends to also...don't forget.   (((hugs))) smile



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