The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for January 16 points out that we react instantly to situations and forget to THINK and pray before we RESPOND. /It suggest that this is a personality flaw and indicates that many of our irrational reactions are automatic and if we take the time to THINK we will respond in a ore constructive manner .
We must remember that we have much to learn about adjusting to life. We cannot delude ourselves into thinking that sobriety is all that we need you must deal with the problems that come along with the help of all steps
Te quote is; "Today I will let my words serve my best interest and the quote is from Lois Armstrong:" I don't let my mouth say nuthin my head can't stand.
I must confess that prior to program i was very guilty of saying words that I have regretted.
What on earth causes me to think I need to answer anything or speak my mind even in the guise of speaking the truth....what a trap I fell into. No small wonder people began to avoid me. This program has a way of causing a humbling in the midst of the pain, the growing.....that is just incredible. While stuck in the crux of this awful dis-ease, I talked too much. Anxiety I am sure. I knew things were not right with me and in fact very wrong. I just could not see what they were. I have a long ways to go and it is a feeling of "gentleness" now due to the humility in self that has now shown up. The humility seems to have just disappeared in the midst of the crazies. I only "thought" I was humble. The feelings of deep compassion for others has returned and wow am I ever grateful for this! It's a scary thing to look up and wonder where you heart has gone.......
The work on reaction and words/responding is coming slowly. Slowly. I want to be that person who says what I mean, and means what I say........in love and compassion. Long ago, I was like that but without boundaries....doormat would be a better word....then later after leaving all my support..lashing out when unexpected. Over the past couple of years or so.....not sure on the timeline but the longer I work my steps, the further back it goes.
Before working in the AlAnon program, I had a habit of talking to myself about my problems. This ensured that they grew out of proportion in my mind, and that my partner didn't know what I was thinking. Inevitably, I would blow my top and all manner of unhelpful comments would pour out. Now, I am getting better at communicating directly what I mean, not saying anything unless I am sure of what I want to say. "Is it worth it?" is a question I ask myself often. Now, I do not need to regret what I say, and feel more balanced and in control.
Happy Tuesday, everyone!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I must also raise my hand.....I too was a big reactor and it was a hard habit to break. For me and my recovery, not reacting and practicing responding was one of many God-given miracles. I struggled for years trying to 'adult' in impossible situations and always fell back to 'joining the insanity' instead of healthy responses.
Working this program, trusting my HP and practicing new tools has helped me improve greatly! I'm a better, calmer person and the journey has been so worth it.
Stay warm and safe folks - it's super cold here again today....make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks all. I try to have a personal motto of thinking before I speak. It's not that I'm perfect on this but due to my career I had to practice this daily. It's a useful tool! It can prevent a lot of problems. I try to hit my pause button. Lyne
Good morning, MIP! Thank you Betty for the daily... this is a big one for me!
Like IAH has mentioned, I too, tried to "adult" in some impossible situations. The fact that I was able to "manage" I guess made things worse. That certainly kept the "crazy" moving along, that's for sure! I always fell back into 'joining the insanity' as well.
I know you have all experienced an 'AHA' moment on your journey... my first was when I came back to these boards (lurking at first), broken, and oh, so sad. I was so angry that I would lash out at me, my friends, my AH, my child. I honestly didn't want to, it just happened. Someone (IAH) suggested that I take a breath and 'Practice the Pause.' Then I ended up reading IAH's tagline every. darn. day.
To learn how to not react is just the best thing in all areas of life... I use it at work, with my kid, heck, I used it twice yesterday... and not with my qualifier! It really keeps the "ugly" from flowing out your mouth. And the result is better communication between you and whomever. Not only that, but it allows you to ask yourself "Is it worth it?" and 9 times out of 10 for me, it isn't.
It was my personality flaw that I developed over time. It does not serve me now. Thanks to Al-Anon, I now know how to release it's hold on me!
Hoping for some rain in the coming days!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I have been reflecting on this today. Practicing the pause and thinking before I speak. My sponsor often expands think to is it Thoughtful Helpful Important Necessary or Kind. If it is none of those things maybe it doesn't need to be said. I try to use that when I use this slogan. Before the program I was all about reaction. I prided myself on my quick sarcastic responses. I made people laugh but I also hurt people a lot with the things I said that were unkind or unhelpful or just plain unnecessary. The program has taught me to pause and think before I respond. I still find myself reacting at times but at least I know how to stop the reaction when I realize I'm doing it. Taking a deep breath and using THINK can be a real lifesaver when dealing with everyone and anyone.
I can use this reading in dealing w/ my mom. Most of the time it seems that I am reacting to what she has said in recent past. She is very hard to deal w/ these days! I however have not been engaging as much when dealing w/ my AH. He is still the same in some ways but I think I have changed a lot. I wish I could say that I don't respond w/o thinking first. I am still a work in progress. Maybe this isn't quite what the reading says, but I feel like I can share my ESH on here.
I am grateful that I am not the woman I used to be. I guess age & wisdom has changed me & I can see growth in my life even w/ communicating w/ my family, friends in & out of the program.
