The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm wondering if someone could clarify or explain the don't from the sticky: "Don't resent the method of recovery". I'm not sure exactly how to understand this. Does this mean how they choose to recover - by themselves or via a 12 step program? It's confusing to me but probably only because of what I've experienced so far.
I'm currently struggling with the fact that over the course of the past 5 - 7 years, I've talked with my AH about his drinking and each time, he was able to improve his habits, behavior and attitude. However, he never completely stopped and as you know, it's a progressive disease. After he had one month completely sober but then relapsed, it has been more out of control. The interesting thing is that as I practice my steps and become more AlAnon "educated", his behavior is changing a slight bit. I do think this is because I'm stronger, more confident and I also "say what I mean, mean what I say but don't say it mean". I do trust my higher power - God to me - but I'm also trying to find patience to live One Day at a Time as I come up with my Plan B if it's needed. I'm finding it difficult because I feel that each time I brought it to his attention of the past 5-7 years, the drinking improved and then worsened so as I'm reflecting and digging deeper into my feelings, actions, character traits, I think each of those times - in my eyes - were a relapse even though he never went to treatment or any kind of recovery program.
I'm so tired of all of this but I'm trying to be fair and give it my best shot so that I can minimize any possible "if only you had tried harder...." thoughts. Plus, I am doing it for my 4 children who my AH does treat well and just avoids when drunk so while I'm sure there are some affects they are feeling & experiencing, it's not as bad to them as it would be should we/I have to end our relationship.
Hi JTpickle you are doing great. This is a very old posting and I venture to say that "do not resent the method of recovery" could mean that any resentment that we harbor is dangerous.
Many resent alanon because we do no tell them how to get people sober and we believe that alcoholism is a disease. Many resent AA for taking up to much of their partner's time and many resent a person go it alone decision.
Letting go of judgement, and criticism is helpful to our recovery as holding resentments only hurts us . Looking froward to reading others shares.
I agree with Betty - the goal is no resentments if serenity is the desired end game. To me, this is written similar to the steps - we each get to decide if it's related to our own recovery, their recovery, no recovery, some recovery, etc. I view recovery as a life-long process and any resentments along the way harm ME most of all...
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
