The material presented
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level.
-all seated on the ground... it is thanksgiving in Canada and USA, coming up- great expectations...
In NZ we don't have thanksgiving- we wait until Christmas for family get togethers and feasting.
Yesterday we had a birthday party down by the lake- for our youngest daughter. She had two friends with her... with hubbys and kids...
I used to feel uneasy when things were going well. My ability to self-sabotage was pretty well developed. But getting ahead now. It seems like yesterday.
I was going to talk a lot about Alanon, in this neck of the woods. I don't even share a lot in Alanon here. This group was a great stand-by for me and the steps forum too. I also attend a meeting, here on the MIP board. across the corridor.
It was my higher power speaking here- as I set up to share... I looked online and see that there is an assembly this coming weekend, in a town 30 mins away. Part of me wants to quit completely. I have five days this week to work through this. I sense i shall go.
I expect to see the same old faces at the assembly... in my early days of recovery i went to every meeting and every assembly I could think of...
my old sponsor decided to quit Alanon completely. I still see her from time to some, socially, but we never discuss Alanon. I decided to be a lifetime member. Things did not go well around here. i have this "fix-it-up" personality I picked up coming through my family... but it has not served me well.
So I have become a long-timer in another sister programme, which is okay... but Alanon is the matrix.
Thanks for the chance to share... would welcome some feed-back...
... ...
-- Edited by DavidG on Sunday 19th of November 2017 11:09:57 AM
it is great to be a part of successful online groups- each with their own character and culture.
We used to say 'long timer' rather than old timer... was in Florida [seems like yesterday] and going to AA meetings with my sister-in-law. I got sick of sitting there like a stuffed dummy so I did a share. Not a long drunkalogue- I gave up drinking hard likker when I was 17. I drank a quart of whiskey and blacked out. I did not pass out but was wandering around in a lost state.
So maybe I have been a dry drunk since then? There is a big likeness in everybody, no matter what fellowship, or sheilaship I have attended.
I did not join AA when I came back home from holiday. I was at a funeral a few weeks ago. I gave up a seat to the oldest member of AA in our town. he came to our school when ah wus 15 years of age and he gave us his 12th step. It really influenced me because in our hard dirt town I had never ever heard a man speak personally like that before.
looking back on those times I wrote a poem about teenage drinking- and I called it "Waiting for my change". Before I was even shaving I could go round the back of a certain and buy a dozen bottles of beer. I handed over one pound- and I am still waiting for the change.
But Alanon was my group of choice all along- and it became my family of choice.
I lost two uncles to suicide. And my drinking pastor ended up shooting himself- it was not a good look!
Wne ah wus 22 my friends started using heroin... I went into that house one afternoon, broke needle of the 'fit' [syringe] on the table and threw it into the corner and broke it. it di dnot stop then using, not one bit.
Ah never tried to moderate or regulate my parents drinking. I started field work part time at the age of 12. The local constable was out foreman. Someone told me that he never had to draw his police pay. I was in his car one day when He got beer and whiskey from the hotel- for nothing. I heard that when a person is being trafficked they sent a person on wearing police uniform to rape them. To give them the message that there is no way out. I felt the same way, at the age of 12 with employment.
I had five cousins in the sex trade; four of them were boys. At least they were boys, when they started out. This is not a good way for anyone who view the world. I got really angry and radical. But I kept my cool and survived. I could have gotten killed a few times, for sticking up for myself and for others.
Being in the rooms is a treat and a privilege. It is a safe place- if only for the hour or so we are allowed to be together. When I was 20or so I went to an open sharing meeting in the city. The people in there picked me out as an Alanon candidate. it took me 13 years to actually get to the next meeting.
Ah thought ah had a bad run dealing with professionals. Not sure, even now, if it I was me or them... my So is a professional herself- and I still think she let me down bigtime, when the chips were down. But we hung in there, her own addiction surfaced and I was the one who did the intervention. it is really great when we are 'evenly yoked' and on the same growth path.
Maybe ah could have had a career, but ah ended up working on a railway gang with a pick, a crowbar and blue overalls. Sometimes ah like to act tough, but y'all know ah am soft and tender on the inside... being in the Alanon rooms bought this out in me. I could speak my truth. And hear truth being spoken- sometimes in a broken way- but in a way ah could relate to...
ah still work up on the mountain and was break open rock with a Crowbar this last monday- ah don't have to do it every day. But if ah caint lift em I break em open until ah do... what happened to this quiet, sensitive, intelligent kid? Ah got the help I needed- aroha, even when I could not accept it- that ah were likeable and lovable...and capable too...
...I am talking tis through- leading to a decision to attend an Alanon assembly down the river next Saturday. Mebbe ah have somethin' to offer back? Some ESH...??? What wus given to me- at the age of 15, and at the age of 22...
ah should think so... just priming myself up for this- it ought to be a pleasure... ...
Thank you for sharing, David... All the bad stuff life throws at everybody... there's also so much good, as I'm beginning to see again thanks to the program. Much to be grateful for. Thanks for being here :)
In my world growing up the pre-Christmas "parties" would crank up mid november, it seemed. At these parties there was no dancing or singing- where families and friends got together and celebrated. not much escaped my eye as a kid and i actually thought they were drinking poison. I saw the outcome. But everything around us, even movies and music, propelled people into this culture.
In our local Alanon group memories of past Christmases were actually horror stories- the worst time of the year- that, in the world' always promised to much. My mum always left a glass of warm beer out for Santa, and I caught her one year drinking it herself.
But my dad wasn't around hardly at all at that time of the year.It was out summer harvest too- which didn't help. So it is good to celebrate friends and family at this time- and especially aware of our sisters and brothers in Alanon who are suffering hard as.
These days i have the happy faces of grandchildren to bring Christmas home to me. I do nor rely on these alone to bring me joy. I relish the inner strength I have found in these rooms. The hope beyond all unhappiness and deep depression. Soul-searching.
Those little signs of love and belonging- simple and uncomplicated. The Three Bears I found with my facebook message- to me today bring tears to my eyes.
These little moments bring tears to my eyes tears of joy and gratitood.
We band together because only we know what life is really like on the inside. we have all bin there and done that one.
For me the best present is presence. even if our beliefs are just cobble together-Or if we aint got none- just being here for each other is enough. To see the heaving chest of another member. To hear the words- sometimes roughly spoken, sometimes smooth and suave. We are all the same. Under one roof- even if it is the open skies. ...
Hi David, I agree, the Holidays are difficult for many. I would simply like to reach out to the new members and explain that no matter how painful the past may seem, alanon has the tools that will help them to let go of the past and move into a future filled with serenity, courage and wisdom.
I have been in the United States thirty years. This is the first time I have been thankful at Thanksgiving. Normally that holuday is rife with unreal expectations and painful memories. While I am not feasting or celebrating I am very grateful to be thankful.
When I first came to this program my sponskr suggested I come up with three things a day I was thankful for. I could barely come up with one. I thought she was extremely oyt of line to even siggest such an idea.
For me on the holidays my exoectations were way out of line. Of course those expectations were like that because I certainly was not able to deal with the reality I had.
Now my expectations and my limits are far more reasonable.
My life is is far from perfect I have many stressors
Yet whatever I am doing on Thursday I am thankful for being alive but most of all for being a member of al anon.
Lovely David, thank you. I remember hating Christmas and especially new year, it was all about the drink and my exah loved it, it was like winning the lottery for him, his drinking in his mind was normal and justified. God love him, such a sick destructive disease, a thief of Christmas's, I wonder if the Grinch was an alcoholic. lol. Today, I feel a lot like you, grateful, hopeful, so happy to have this program that lets me see the miracles every day in my life and those of others and the fear of this time of year is still there for me but i'm much more in charge of how powerful this fear gets to grow.
it is Thanksgiving in the USA and Canada- a sad time for many- if family cannot be together in a healthy way.
My gratitude line is always Concept 4. Participation is the key to harmony. I needed support his week, especially. I would make a share here and see the posting slip further and further down the page. This is ~our~ place- to love and to enjoy. To have company.
I find that if I respond to a post- even with a smile- that the topic gets up to the top of the page... I no longer need to feel alone, lost and broken!
Hi David I agree many have feelings of loss and sadness around the Holiday season . After the insanity of last Holiday season (arguments over politics), I made the decision to stay home this year. I am cooking turkey and all the trimmings for my partner and myself and have sent out well wishes to family and friends.
I intend to enjoy the day. Thanks to alanon I now know that I have choices and have the courage to make the choice to "take care of myself " - which today means to watch the parade at my own home and cook dinner myself and be Thankful
One of the men at the assembly asked me for my phone number...
well dressed, but rough and strong on the inside- he looked like a truck driver...
A combined international group like this- MIP ALANON- has a lot of strengths... it brings together the best of Alanon.
The programme is presented in a raw state- with ESH being offered here, on a daily basis...
it isn't easy out there, in recovery- in fact each and every day is tough.
and a lot of our groups too- struggle along trying to find their way... the answers, are actually very very simple.
Right under everybodies noses. Being able to drag ourselves out of the wreckage of our lives is very hard though.
Moving from virtual reality to actual reality- and back again- I have learned to do... it is a great source of knowledge and strength.
I have to picture people here, and imagine the tone of your voices. This is one of the building blocks for me... mending my mind.
Last evening, after watching grandkids doing ballet we went down to the river- with sil and her hubby; along with a grandkid. she had come along to watch her younger cousins perform. Down by the river she was on her own and i played tag with her. Then she went down and played on an old hanging tree...
we had fish and chips wrapped in newspaper- which is the NZ treat.
I recall in my life walking out into the cold air- into nothing. I was able to crossover from an assembly into family time.
The oldtimer wom I rang about the assembly venue I shall go and visit- take her something small for Christmas.
It has been a hard long road. Stoney and broke sometimes. Turning around and giving something back has been hard at times. And of course- like most of us- I was trying to do it- right from the beginning...
...and that was good- that was my motivation, my driver...
and as we mill around, at our meetings, with our coffee time together, and all sorts of other things- it all rubs off... onto each other- the love and peace of the programme... the depth of understanding we do have for each other is priceless!
This post is what we do well for and with each other...we share our realness and ESH so that we review the value of remembering what it was like, what happened and what we do now. You are a treasure David along with the other old timers here who support my daily efforts to continue on with my HP to make life around me more possible and livable.
I just came up from the shoreline this morning where I handed the AA by the Bay meeting packet to another member to continue the support. We have been having hard surf problems but not this morning and still it was nice to watch. The sky is stormy and with the surf loud yet as best I could I did my chanting and turned to see Mike coming in. Of course he would help. I would not after spending Thanksgiving afternoon at emergency and still feeling the symptoms of this mystery that persists at taking me down now for the 7th day. I came back into town and checked in hopefully that I might attend a Cultural Education Presentation on our Free Sovereign Nation 125 year push for total nationhood. They have it on the education TV channel so I can do this and that at the same time. I don't want much and I pray to live long enough to see it happen. I will do this for a bit more and then go lay down hopefully to sleep without choking in the process.
I gave up so much of the Heva, the wrong doing history of my past with the slogan "It is what it is and was what it was". "Admitting I was and am powerless" was grace and margin for me in and from my family of origin in 1979 when I arrived at the doors to finally stay with the Al-Anon Family Groups after two attempts. I knew how to do the alcoholism dance and that is when I stopped dancing. I had 9 years alcohol free in Al-Anon until I started learning the true meaning of the "Searching and Fearless" conditions of the 4th step and then using those two requirements to open the doors of my past widely I learned I was also alcoholic. I had not escaped the disease and in fact had another disease that claimed the "ic" ending also. I am also tuberculosis...my alcoholic father died from tuberculosis I was powerless over it all and didn't even cry about it. I warred and didn't cry. I learned how to fight physically and without empathy or compassion for my victims...my forth steps were about victimness from an early age until about 4 years ago where my amends set a family and myself free of the damage my disease caused. Alcoholism and drug addiction creates many victims; some who recover, some who don't and continue to live with the pain and others who have died as a result of it. That like so many others here and at other places is my family and because I found peace and understanding in the world wide fellowship of Al-Anon that is also me.
Like you I take my recovery outside amongst others who reach out as we did for understanding and solutions so that they can attain peace of mind and serenity also most at first not believing it is possible.
I will come back and read more yet for now I need to get prone and relax. Mahalo Piha for your ESH including your language. (HEH HEH...some will learn more)
((((Hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 25th of November 2017 02:39:11 PM
Hey wp - great to see you!! David - congratulations on the anniversary - may you continue many, many more! (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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