After last night alcoholic being drunk and calling me down again, said I was lazy, I refuse too work, he is disgusted that I am not working, while he has to get up every morning and go to work, ect..I went to bed and put in ear plugs and went went to sleep. I did not wake up this morning at 5 am like I usually do, and I did not do any house cleaning, cooking like I usually do. I am lazy and I will show him, what lazy is. I am so angry still. I send him a text today and said clearly, I do not deserve to be verbally abused and called down. I said if you have an issue with me, talk to someone that wants to hear it, as I do not want to hear your verbal diarrhea. I am not here to be yelled and called down. I deserve better, much better treatment than that. I said I have people that love and believe in me and I do not deserve to be treated like a rag! I said you need to get help with your mental issues that cause you to have a negative outlook on life and people. I said I do not want to hear your negative talk that does nothing to create a livable situation. In fact, I said, it makes you a very sad person to be around as your so negative and hurtful and I certainly do not deserve that type of treatment! I deserve to be happy  and in a positive environment and if you have issues deal with it. I do not want to hear it. I was angry but I said to myself, enough is enough, I am not going to hear his negative vomit that he believes he can puke into me. I am standing up for myself and now that he is home from work, I am having anxiety, as I know what will happen, will start to drink again. I have made plans and put an emergency bag in my car and called a hotel and a friend. I am not going to allow this sick man to bring me to his sick level. I have not talked much to him since he got home. He just asked how I was, and I said fine. I just am still angry that I have allowed myself to be mistreated like crap. I deserve better and I am going to keep that focus going. I am not going to let his ugliness destroy me. He is trying to make me as miserable as he is and I will not go down that road. I will leave the house for my own sanity. I just feel so angry still. I am angry at myself I believe, because I have not taken action sooner to leave this sick relationship. I just kept hanging on. Nothing is going to change with him...no, that is reality! I have to get that reality through my thick skull. He is sick and getting sicker. I can not even stand to be around him. God help me, to get a life I can be proud of! Get me a new home I can be safe and happy in! God help me! God open the door to a sane life where I can be free from active alcoholism! 

Thanks for letting me share this. I have been having a rough day all day! Not  a good place for me to be in!