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Post Info TOPIC: Taking care of myself


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 11
Date:
Taking care of myself


hi everyone. I don't post often, but today I have to "talk" with someone who understands alcoholism and the crazy stuff that happens because of it.  I have been taking care of my mother in laws finances after she could no longer keep up, with permission from the family ( and I wanted to help in this way). I set it up along with my husband so that her money would be protected from his siblings who seem bent on using it to finance their lives when they fall short. I have seen them getting into this money (maybe with the moms permission) and spending it like crazy Over the past few months to the tune of over $1500. I'm done.  I cannot manage this for her welfare if the others in the family seem hell bent on working at cross purposes. They seem to find every account and find a way to get money. The mom keeps saying she has to help them. 

.I told my husband that I am giving it back to them. They obviously don't agree with the way I'm trying to conserve her money, so why am I banging my head on the wall. I'm powerless over what they are doing and want to do. My life is becoming unmanageable dealing with this craziness. It's not my issue. They can have it back. 

I plan on having him turn it back over and staying out of it.  I have documentation on all I have done, and all is clear on how to move forward...they can do as they wish. 

I am pretty certain that the mother is enabling the siblings by letting them have her money. I don't own her money,, it's hers to do with as she wishes...however when it's gone, we are not going to deal with any problems incurred because of it. 

Any thoughts? 



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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 73
Date:

Hi Fergie!

You are in a sticky situation and you are creating a boundary for yourself by turning things back over to the family. That sounds like good self care.

((( hug )))

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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 43
Date:

It sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself.  When we take care of others it should not become at the expense of our own health and well-being.  This is where we have to let go and let God.  



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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 54
Date:

Hi Fergie , I agree this is indeed a difficult situation . If Mom is unable to take care of her finances establishing an official Power of Attorney would help tremendously. Maybe your partner can discus this with his mom. I do hope that you have alanon meetings that you can attend to obtain addiitonal support.

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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth. 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7356
Date:

Sometimes when we offer service to others, the insanity of the disease 'wins'. I love how you are not taking it personally and have made a decision that serves to protect you and your sanity.

I am with Betty - a PoA is a great tool to protect her resources as needed/wanted. Your post reminds me how powerless we are over people, places and things! Keep coming back!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 11
Date:

Thanks all for the support and positive thoughts. Again, I am changing old behavior and it's a scary ride, so the support helps. After thinking this through, I am at peace with taking care of my sanity and letting the family members figure out what they are going to do. Thanks especially for the thought that even though I offered service, the insanity of the disease won out. I know I am not getting into a battle with the insanity of alcoholism this time...I Never win that battle!


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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13256
Date:

 

Fergie you might want to read or repeat the last sentence of your post to them and then bow out.  I do it and it works.  ((((hugs)))) smile



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Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 11
Date:

Great exp, strength & hope everyone!  Thanks! 

 



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