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Post Info TOPIC: Trying to understand all this I知 still learning never dealt with this


Newbie

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Date:
Trying to understand all this I知 still learning never dealt with this


My husband just entered alcohol rehab in Las Cruces New Mexico every time I try to talk to him when he starts yelling at me and assuming things to her not true I have never dealt with this before I asked him one question maybe I shouldve never asked him do you think about me in the rehab recovery I am so confused money is so tight and nothings working out I am the only one working and were supposed to be doing a family group thing this week or next week we entered the rehab center in Las Cruces New Mexico one week ago and they shot my call through all of her since then hes been super super angry with me



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2128
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Welcome to MIP Demartine, I'm pleased you found us and so sorry that you are having to go through this difficult time.

Al Anon is about us, the people who have been affected by living alongside alcoholism. I found that the disease made me uneasy - what did I do that was so wrong that my husband had so much anger for me? I came to learn that his anger was not about me, I did not need to take it personally - I just happened to be someone who he could vent to, until I wasn't that person any more. I learnt to respect myself and to expect that others would respect me as well. I did not need to carry the frustrations of another person all the time - what a release that was!!!

I recommend seeking out face to face Al Anon meetings if you can, and also reading the posts of others here on these boards. I found that by listening to others who were going through similar things to me I learnt to live an enjoyable life regardless of what other people want to do or say. It can get better for us, even though alcoholism is an awful and destructive disease. Sending (((((hugs))))))

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~*Service Worker*~

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I too welcome you to MIP Demartine. I am sorry for how the disease has affected/is affecting you. Alcoholism is a progressive disease for which there is really no cure. There is treatment as you've discovered and it's a One Day at a Time process. AA is often suggested for the A in treatment and Al-Anon hopefully is suggested for family and friends.

Al-Anon recovery helps use to 'see' how the disease and diseased has affected us - our thoughts, our feelings, our actions/reactions. Alcoholism is considered a family disease, and almost all are affected. For the A, the substance has become a crutch, best friend, necessary part of living - so ... when it is removed, there is often untamed emotions.

The first couple of things I learned as the spouse/mother of an A - QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally. Even when it feels/sounds directly at me, I do now believe it's the insanity of the disease and can detach from them/their words/opinions. The other thing that helped me breathe deeply for the first time in a long time was the Three C(s) - I did not Cause this, I can not Control this and I can not Cure this. I still can't tell you why this stayed with me from the beginning, yet it did - possibly because I was often the target of many verbal assaults by which my A(s) blamed me for everything - including the weather at times!!

There is tons of hope and help in recovery. Breathe in and be gentle with you and focus on just what you can do today for your own sanity/peace of mind. Keep coming back and know you are not alone!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 620
Date:

Welcome also! What I have learned in Alanon is that all my focus on my alcoholic spouse kept me feeling depressed, anxious, and hopeless. Alanon taught me to get myself in a better place, and take the focus off of my spouse. I remember how crazy that sounded at first, but all we have control of is ourself. By getting stronger and healthier, I have been able to see things more clearly, and make good decisions for myself. Face to face meetings, writing on the board, and getting a sponsor, are all wonderful steps towards recovery for you, Lyne

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Lyne



Veteran Member

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Posts: 43
Date:

Welcome. There is hope here on this board and group. There is also great f2f meetings where you can find people who understand your situation and really want to help you to find peace and serenity. I am newly returned to alanon. I came here because of a crisis, I was full of hurt and anger. It is taking some time and effort, but I am learning so much and making some positive changes for me. If you can learn the program and apply some of the steps and tools to your life things can get better for you and maybe your ah. As they say to all of us dealing with the effects of alcoholism in our lives...keep coming back it works if you work it.



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Veteran Member

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Date:

I.believe having someone in rehab brings up.s lot.

Some people do suceed after rehab to get sober.

Foe me personally I.would have to say I felt abandonef.

Then I felt shut out. Then I felt taken for granted.

Out of all that I began to set a lot of boundaries about availability. I set a lot of limits about just.how supoortive I was willing to be. For me, in that relationship, it was one sided support.

I know for me too the rehab process brought up a lot of trust issues. Suddenly his life was full of all these people who were so important to him.

In the cade of the ex A who I deakt with I dont doubt ge never intended to stay sober. As soon as there were no penalties he went on.a binge. In my gut I knew that and fought it all the way.

In some ways, I am glad I went through thst rehab experience.

For me that was the beginning of setting clear boundaries.

I set very unrealistoc boundaries before then.

Maresie



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Maresie
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