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Post Info TOPIC: Loss


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 4
Date:
Loss


I was married for almost 24 years, my ex husband has been a part of my life for more than 35 years. he became an alcoholic in the last 10-12 years of our marriage. I was there for several attempts to get sober including in patient rehab. In 2014 I had to save myself and divorce, when he relapsed and went through sedated detox. His BAC at intake was .399 he was working out of town and was threatening to hurt himself. It is not easy getting emergency services when you are three states away but I did. I remember telling one of the concilors I needed to leave him but was afraid I would see hm drunk and homeless on the side of the road one day. He told me that wasn't my problem, my ex carried the responsibity of his sobriety. If I had not sent emergenc services that night I know he would have died. He has been sober and relapsing since then, another hospital stay, crazy texts, emails and a totally crazy phone call earlier this year demanding I tell him when I was hiding from him, telling me the living room was all dis shelved and blood everywhere. We divorced in 2014. His daughter (my step daughter) had been bearing the situation the past sevaral years. Friday afternoon when my phone rang and I saw it was her, I knew automatically why she was calling. He died, he was found by police sitting in his living room dead after he didn't respond to a friend's text. His daughters drove the three hours to his place to find alcohol everywhere and his watered down drink on the table beside the chair. He was a kind, generous, intelligent man, I am mourning my marriage, the loss of a future with a wonderful man and the death of the only man I've loved. I really hoped and prayed he would get a handle on this disease and return to the man I married. 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 15130
Date:

Welcome Georgia Wife I am so sorry to read of the loss of your husband and can so identify with the pain and loss of a loving life partner and with the emotional struggle that you outlined in an attempt to save a life.

Alcoholism is indeed a dreadful chronic disease over which we are powerless. Alanon is recovery program for family members where we can connect with others who truly understand , develop constructive new tools to live by and process the pain and loss that we feel.

Face to face meetings are held in most communities.  I would like to suggest that you search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. The hot line number can be found in the white pages.

Please do keep coming back here as well There is hope



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 264
Date:

Welcome, and I'd like to send you light, love, & support. You saved yourself, and luckily you knew that you couldn't save him.

I am living with the thought of getting that phone call every day at the moment. I have moved out and my AH decided to put up roadblocks to all efforts to get him into rehab. Meanwhile he drinks and drinks all day, everyday.

I understand the the mourning of your ex. You had 35 years together... even if divorced, even if detached, it is still a blow to the heart to think of "what might have been."

Be gentle with yourself.

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Music makes my soul soar!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7356
Date:

(((GeorgiaWife))) - so very, very sorry to hear of the loss of your love. This disease is so darn devastating and destructive - my heart hurts for you. I'm sending healing thoughts to you and his daughters and tons of prayers for healing during your grieving.

Please keep coming back - we will support you as best we can.

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 651
Date:

I am so sorry.


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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2068
Date:

Oh I'm so sorry georgiawife for your loss. Please keep coming back to share as you grieve. Prayers for him and all whose life he touched. (((hugs))) TT



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Faith unsticks fear.



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 144
Date:

I am glad you divorced him and took care of yourself.  Yes it is very hard to let go of someone who is behaving so self destructively.

I think it is also hard to say I have done enough.

The guilt can be overwhelming.

I hope you find peace in your time of grief.

Really you did absolutely everything someone could do and then more.

Everyone did.

Maresie. 

 



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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 43
Date:

I am so sorry for your loss.  My heart hurts for you.  I have been where you are right now.  My first ah did the same thing during our separatio, leaving behind me and 5 children.   I am remarried to another ah.  Go figure I am one of the statistics.  i am learning that we cannot help anyone who doesn't want help.  Be gentle with yourself during this time.  No matter how hard you tried and I am sure you tried you could not change the outcome.  Keep attending alanon anyway you can and know that there are people here that understand and care. 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13256
Date:

 

 

Aloha Georgiawife and sad with you over this event.  Alcoholism is a fatal disease even while we hope and pray that doesn't happen to anyone.  I hope someday this story helps another family get recovery.  HP knows how to and when to use it.   ((((hugs))))  smile



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