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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Flipped the Script
Post Info TOPIC: Flipped the Script
WestMan


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RE: Flipped the Script
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My face to face meetings are few these days. It's get up early and leave the house before dark. Drop the youngest off at daycare, then drop the older two at a school, then get to work. About an hour commute all together depending on traffic. At the end of the day it's the opposite and get home after dark. There's one meeting on Tuesday so if there's something going on at that time we're done until next week. 

My phone list has been a lifeline. 



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PosiesandPuppies


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Westman - I have been following your posts as well... you are doing what is best for your children. They are being manipulated and being taught to "withhold." Not good in my book. Great that you are sticking to your boundaries!!! It is hard because it is the holidays (I really "get you" there), but your MIL is the one who CHOSE to overstep your rules of the house.
Keep moving forward, one day at a time! You are being a GREAT father!

((((Westman))))

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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 
Aline


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Take care, WestMan, you're doing well. Hope you can find some "take it easy and relax" time - that's something I, at least, tend to forget often and its so important.

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WestMan


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Sitting at my XAW's rehab house while she gets in a final visit with our three children before she heads out of state for a few weeks. She's better but still has many of the bad habits, attitudes and dishonesty that made it difficult to live with her before. She apparently has an apartment set up in town and is returning in a few weeks. 

I'm calling 2018 the year of uncertainty. Don't know if she'll actually come back. Don't know if she'll stay sober. Probably have to sell our house. Want to keep full custody, seems like there's a good chance that can happen but no guarantee. 

 

I have to keep the focus on me. Be present and not trying to figure out what's in her head or what she's going to do. 



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PosiesandPuppies


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You said that beautifully, Westman! You KNOW what you need to do... the rest will reveal itself.
Wishing you peace!

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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 
hotrod


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((Westman))) Continued Prayers for you and your family.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


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The real work come in living just in the moment letting go of the unknown future and the past which is past.  Living in the now is a recovery art form and when I finally go it I let no invitations take me back into my past and forward into the uncertain future...the rest?  I turned it over to my Higher Power and time with my sponsor and the fellowship...Keep on keeping on Westman (((hugs))) confuse



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SerenityRUS


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It really doesn't matter what she does or doesn't do at this point .. keep doing you .. you will know when you know. Hugs s :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

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Iamhere


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(((Westman))) - good to see you and hear from you again.....you've been on my mind and of course my prayer list. Positive thoughts and prayers continue from my world to yours. Your post reminded me of one of my favorite bookmarks - Just for Today!


JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will lean something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I dont want to do just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I wont find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

(((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Tude


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Hugs and prayers from a newly returned and grateful to be in Alanon person!!! Your share brought a huge smile this morning!

Tude

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WestMan


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Went to court today and visited court mediator. Agreed to some visitation days. My kids will spend some time with their mother again. This is good. I wanted this, I think. But I feel like a failure and sick to my stomach.

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SerenityRUS


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Time will tell if it's good or not there's no need to worry. You deserve time on your own. Happy healthy parent means happy healthy kids. It's the one thing I missed during the last 2 years. My ex hasn't seen the kids for almost 3 years now. They aren't interested .. not sure how i feel about that in terms of bad or good. I just know 100% parenting duty is tough stuff and everyone deserves a break. Hugs .. :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
bud


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(((WestMan))) I just saw your thread and can relate and I know how heartbreaking it can be! Keep doing the next right thing for you and your children. You're doing a great job!

Safety first.

Keep coming back and working the steps to feel supported with your next best choice. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.



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hotrod


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((WEstman)) prayers continue Please do continue to keep coming back there is hope. You are not alone

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Iamhere


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(((Westman))) - I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! Be gentle with you and just keep doing what's working for you One Day at a Time!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
WestMan


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These days my constant prayer is to keep the focus on myself. This is so difficult to do right now. It's constantly trying to game out what she's thinking or motivations are, what the next little trick is that she's going to pull. What's the next lie she's going to tell? I still feel so shaken after our last encounters that I won't be in the same space as her without someone else present. 



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Iamhere


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Hang in there Westman - I can relate and took great care with my own safety and sanity similar to what you describe. I removed myself as best I could from being the 'blame' or 'cause' of the insane thinking of others. Keep doing you and know that even when it doesn't feel so, this too shall pass.

My positive thoughts and prayers for you all continue!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
WestMan


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Thank you. I thought perhaps I should list a few successes. It's not all doom and gloom. In our visitation agreement I gave an extra day but she has to get the kids to the Al-Ateen meeting on time. That's something I've struggled to do getting off work late and picking everyone up. Six months ago she would have fought tooth and nail to keep them out of those meetings and I was so ashamed that I probably wouldn't have tried very hard. Progress for both of us. 

I've seen the program work over and over. With ridiculous little things like when I was about to have a complete breakdown in the grocery store because I couldn't find the right treat thirty minutes before my daughter's birthday celebration. I turned it over to my HP and it worked out. And with bigger more serious things too. 

I keep being fed by reading C2C most days. 

While there are things I'm unhappy about I'm continuing to take steps to make positive changes in my life. Some spiritual like working Step2, praying and turning more over to HP. Physical, signed up for a fitness challenge at work. Financial, I'm using a pretty neat budgeting tool (YNAB if you're interested) that was recommended by a friend. I am only able to be present in the moment a few seconds at a time. May sound silly but that's an enormous improvement. Maybe someday I'll make it a full minute. 



-- Edited by WestMan on Sunday 18th of February 2018 11:01:35 AM

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Freetime


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Westman, thank you for listing your successes! Isn't it amazing how we can "lose it" over little things, because we are so stressed, and then miracles occur that show us there is hope?

I also love Step 2 ... something about being "restored to sanity" just resonates with me, and is what has happened with the help of this program.

The progress you've described is so impressive to me. It's a great example of practicing these principles in all our affairs.

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hotrod


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Good job Westman. you are a great example of program in action.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
bud


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Great working your program Westman! I love how you're giving yourself a compassionate balance and being good to yourself. Your posts are inspirational. Keep coming back

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Iamhere


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Good, good, good on you! I love that you 'see' and can 'list' what's good/working! That exact suggestion carried me when I truly wondered if I was getting better. I loved it when people pointed out that I was changing and my attitudes, actions and outlooks were also changing. You're truly doing marvelous program work - keep doing you! (((Westman)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
SerenityRUS


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Big hugs,

It is always good to see people who live the example.

I happen to check out the app you suggested and I am looking at making those changes for myself .. thank you for bringing it up!!

S :)

__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Tude


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What a powerful share throughout the months. I love too, how you made time for yourself. For myself, when my kids were home, if I didn't take me time, the we time was too draining. Another great thing my support group taught me. I'm grateful it did when they were very young. Love the shares and the way the program is literally working for and through you!
Hugs~

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DavidG


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 Good news Westman...!!!

                                       Being present takes time... and for me a long time.

I do believe that the younger we are the easier it is... so I suppose you have  head start on me... lovely for you to share your journey!!!

Hope...!!! smile,,,



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PosiesandPuppies


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(((Westman)))),

It was good to read the positive things from you. I have been there, in that grocery store, looking for a specific item... without success, and breaking down into tears b/c I was just too worn out from dealing with all of my AH's "stuff" that I couldn't see my way to a solution. My life away from my RAH is much calmer, but I still can feel overwhelmed by all the hoops I have to jump through so that I can afford food... get medical help...pay my debts and Kid things. This is where my Al-Anon program has helped the most lately.
Wishing you peace.

__________________

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 
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