Thanks, Freetime. And I apologize if I divulged details about the meeting I attended. I know that everything is supposed to remain confidential.  I'm new to this.  

Hi, Maria, I think trying out some different meetings is the way to go :) As for the anger regarding coming at all, I also can relate, but I must say it disappeared when I began to see the first fruits of coming to meetings and experiencing the quiet support of other Alanoners. People here on MIP encouraged me to continue attending f2f meetings (I had stopped for some weeks when I had a virus and then didn't pick up at once when I got better) and I am so glad I did, because it really is different, this direct human contact, and I was actually quite starved for emotional closeness and understanding, acceptance. And yeah, I used to think support groups and the like was something I would NEVER get into, because its just "not for me". Goes to show. I hope you find a meeting that clicks soon :)

Hello, I'm new to the group but living/married to an alcoholic many years. I also went to one of these meetings last year and felt the exact same. I felt so let down to be honest, I wanted to talk and listen to other people but we read verses from a book and took turns. I felt the hour could have been spent a lot better. I'm going to take on the advise and try a different group but it means travelling out of way and trying to find time that suits etc. Best of luck with everything, I know it's not easy

I haven't been to a f2f meeting in almost a year for the same reason, but here I am and my life is still affected so tomorrow I am going to a f2f meeting and I will be on-line getting as much support as I can.  This is not an easy life and we have every right to our emotions.  These meetings and people can help us and someday we may be able to help someone who is where we are right now.  I participated in an on-line meeting on Friday night and for the first time in a long time I didn't feel like I was the only one living through a hell that seems to be my life at times.  Keep trying for yourself, you deserve happiness. 

For those who did not find what they thought, I am reminded that my group does have some different meetings on different days. For instance, one day each month, we focus on the Steps and the other days are topic. If you are not asked, please feel free to share that you are new. If you are not offered a small group, you certainly can ask. And, you can always try other days, other groups, etc.

I did not go back after my first meeting for much of the same reasons. And then....I did because I knew I needed something different than what I had. I went to a different meeting and it felt like a better fit. (((Hugs))) - there is hope/help in recovery when we are willing/open to the program/process.

You are not alone!!!

I also have had a similar experience. I have an AH in recovery, and it was suggested I attend Al-Anon meetings as well. I have been to one meeting. It was a Step Meeting, so unfortunately as a newcomer I felt lost. It was not an appropriate forum to share my experiences. I have not been back and the meetings in my area are extremely limited. There are 2 beginners meetings in my area and the times just do not work with my schedule. My therapist suggested online. So here I am until I can find a meeting that will work for me.

 

 

Wow!!!  This reminds me of my own mindset when I first got into or near to the program myself.  Al-Anon was suggested cause I had an alcoholic addict for a spouse and a self centered ego larger than life.  Of course If I was failing at getting her clean and sober and still trying how would I be treating a room full of others.  It was all about me and the only ones who knew that attitude and insane condition was the room the majority of which were women.  Her sponsor suggested some AA meetings and I handled that the same way.  I had more judgements (false and without foundation) about the people in the rooms than a saner person would hope to consider and then I wasn't saner at all. I left after making my personal non-rational statements and left with the statements that it would get worse if I removed myself from the program....That was true...very.

After a while I came back with just a bit more rational one being that they knew more than I did and I needed more meetings and more listening.  HP is an artist at helping me to fulfill that need.  The first was a suggestion that I do 90X90...90 meetings in 90 days (did 102) and the other from the closing statement of each meeting..."If you keep and open mind you will find help".

I didn't morph into "Mr. 12stepper" right away and infact I trudged the program for 9 years before I realized that my HP was the one to hold the lantern over the journey and not me.  I also learned trying to self sponsor was next to a death wish and certainly an insanity movement.   Still I made enough "little step advancements" till where I could venture into the deep stuff and it happened.   In time I no longer pleaded that certain meetings and members were responsible for my entire recovery...that is my responsibility...what ever meeting I am at is my choice and what I do with what I hear is also.

Just keep coming back with an open mind and make sure you are following the suggestions especially of the old timers and the literature.   Try the 90 X 90 routine; that could save your sanity and maybe also your life. This is a fatal disease after all.   (((((hugs))))) 

-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 10th of October 2017 10:36:36 PM

I would say that at one time when I lived in a big city with lots of meetings I did find various 12 step programs very helpful.

I never did embrace al anon in a face to face setting.

Nevertheless there are ways to get a sense of a program.  One is to go to a speaker meeting where a speaker is the one who shares their story.  It is pretty hard not to go to a speaker meeting and not find something in common with the speaker. Another is to go to special events for programs.  That is a way to get to know a program pretty quickly.  For me I do not have the bandwidth to go to 90 meetings in 90 days if there is travel time involved. 

I do have the ability to spend some time every day on my recovery.  For me that comes in many forms.  

Finding a great meeting can be a really special occasion but it is not a "given".  Sometimes like finding a good therapist it is a matter of trial and error.  When people are in a position of needing support, care and understanding it is pretty hard to persevere and be willing to believe there is a source of support out there. 

Maresie.