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Sorry to be so negative today, and please feel free to delete my post if it's not of the right mindset, but GEEEZZZ, THIS DISEASE NEVER QUITS, DOES IT ???
I've been up and down with this stuff with my now adult son for so many years, and just when I think my son is on the right track (not drinking or using, better job, decent place to live, etc.), I get a call today with him telling me that if he had a gun he'd have killed himself. And what's really screwed up here, is that in a "normal" situation (not that I have any sense of what a normal life would be like), a normal parent hearing something like that would set off all kinds of alarms, raise all kinds of red flags, and demand immediate action - but here in the world of living with an alcoholic \ drug addict, those kinds of episodes ARE what's normal, and I've gotten used to hearing it (how sad is THAT?), and I've grudgingly with a lot of pain and sadness accepted the fact that I can't make him better or fix him, and now I gotta tie myself to a tree so I don't keep trying to fix him.
Sorry, friends, but I AM HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY. I'm heading out for a bike ride to sweat the bad thoughts out of my head - at least I'll get an hour's relief.
I am so sorry to hear that. Have you ever thought about calling the police to have them do a wellness check on him. My AH did this a few years back when he was nearing his bottom. I thankfully called a friend of mine in the program and he told me that you can't ignore these types of statements. I called the police, had them do a wellness check and he was brought to the hospital for monitoring for the night. It didn't stop him from drinking but it did show him that he had to deal with consequences of his drinking and that he had a real problem.
(((Texas Yankee))) - so very sorry to hear....vent away - I know for me, when the insanity rises, it seems to help me to vent/dump. I too no longer ignore suicide threats from my 'guys'. I've called to police for wellness checks and been read the riot act from my boys yet it helped me define a boundary related to actions I am willing to take for my own program.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers for all. And, in my experience, the disease doesn't really ever 'stop'. That's what makes it so darn damaging and potentially deadly.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Texas Yankee)) i am so sorry t hear about this new development. This is indeed a dreadful disease and I so understand the difficulty in determining how to respond to the insanity in a constructive manner. I too have called the police for "wellness checks" in similar situations and they were responsive . Prayer and meetings helped me.
Sending prayers your way.
Thanks, all - I'm back off the ledge and not inclined to jump off any more - LOL, at least for today! I decided not to call the local police for a wellness check since a few subsequent texts started mention stuff next week and it seemed that the urgency of the situation dissipated - but who knows?
I'm usually able to handle this stuff relatively well, give the gravity of the situation, but this afternoon I guess my emotions got the best of me and I just popped - thanks for being there for me and getting me back to a better position, closer to serenity.
I am sorry to hear of the recent struggles with your son. Yes its true this disease never lets one rest on their laurels and get to comfortable in thinking everything is better. I posted a very similar sounding title just a few days ago regarding my daughter. Just when it seems like her disease is under control then wham bam I get hit upside the head to remind me not to get complacent. I know I have to work every single day to remain on my side of the street and I liked your statement of tying oneself to a tree so that I cant try to fix her. Been there and done that a million times. Some days I do well and some days I am propelled into crazy mode. Glad you went out for a bike ride and got an hour to yourself and that you have returned to a sense of balance once again.
Hey texas yankee, I'm a texas yankee too..welcome...and boy can I relate to your post...my A brother pulls that crap about wanting to die when he is drinking or coming off a big bender....I have friends where he lives and they are his friends too, and they call the police to do a wellness check on him, so now he doesn't pull that "i want to die" crap and scare us all to death....I am so sorry he does that to you....and yea, we get almost indifferent after a while like I did when A brother would pull that "dying" crap...i got indifferent...knew I was powerless, but would phone the police or his friends would to check up on him...and after a few times calling the cops, he quit that stuff...its torture for the loved ones......and yea, growing up with alcoholism and other addictions, I never had a clue as to what normal is till i got into recovery....the 12 steps are my "life 101" and the slogans back them up....oh yea....and I am sending you a supportive HUGGGG and telling you, you are NOT alone....good on you, bike ride is a great idea....ENJOY it...focus on the fresh air and flowers and nature and even the cars drving around if you are in city.....
-- Edited by mamalioness on Tuesday 19th of September 2017 09:16:09 PM
It took a LONG bike ride (it was really hot here this afternoon) AND a while swimming laps in the pool to get my head back on tight after the "kill myself" call - I didn't call the local police - a few texts from my son later on after the initial call talked about stuff he was gonna do next week and so it sounded to me like the crisis had passed, at least for today - thanks again everyone, for being here when I needed ya - I so appreciate your ESH !!
