The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The O DA T reading for September 19 speaks about living with the disease of alcoholism, while attempting to maintain our commitment to our marriage vows. The reading suggests that, attending meetings and using Al-Anon tools, helps to correct our own faults, as well as keeps us from reacting when we are tempted to yell and fight , or to jump in and fix the problem that is not ours to fix.
It goes on to say that any marriage made with an expectation of lifelong bliss and freedom from care is bound to bring us to some shocking realization because life is not like this.
The suggestion moves toward looking at situations from an adult's point of view. This allows us to recognize that alcoholism and the troubles that it brings is only one of the disasters that can happen to a marriage. The commitment to the person we married demands that we do everything we can to correct our problems. What to do, we learn in Al-Anon-- how to use it is up to us.
. The quote is from the marriage vows, in sickness and in health better and for worse."
I know when I first entered program, I too viewed my marriage vows with great respect, and held myself to them religiously. I must note that my husband did not treat these vows with the same respect and often times I was tempted to just walk away and act as he did.
Thank goodness I found Al-Anon, listened to learn, worked very hard at removing my own negative attitudes, found a power greater than myself and learned to live one day at a time without projecting. After all of this work. I did reach a point that my anger and resentment had reached the boiling point and the small voice within, urged me to leave before something disastrous happened. I did leave in order to take care of myself - not as punishment for him or as a way to force solutions only to protect my sanity and myself from the disease.
My marriage had a happy ending, as he sought recovery in AA, remained sober for six years until he died
(sober )from cancer.
I am eternally grateful to Al-Anon for the tools and support I was given during this stressful time in my life.
Thank you Betty for the daily, your service and your ESH. I arrived as was willing to blame everything on my AH and pat myself on the back as I had stayed sober and was a 'perfect spouse'. I can honestly say now that I get a huge chuckle out of 'me' and my distorted thinking when I arrived. I may have been clean/sober in AA, but I was about as crazy as one can be without the substances. I had very high hopes and very high expectations, and my thinking was distorted beyond reality.
Al-Anon gave me what I needed to see my own insanity. It was not possible for me to realize my part before this program as the denial around this disease runs super deep in all affected. I truly would have shouted from the rooftops about how badly my AH had destroyed our marriage, our family, our love. In reality, I played an equal if not larger part - a reality that was hard to swallow but real.
I am grateful that I found the program and the gift of desperation. I am grateful that others allowed me to be me, and listened and shared without advice or judgement. I am grateful that I can feel love for my AH and remember where we started and be a part of our journey together. We are not perfect and that's OK - nobody but me expected that! I am grateful for the gift of today and my spiritual program. Happy Tuesday!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
