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Post Info TOPIC: Detaching


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 199
Date:
Detaching


I'm doing pretty well on the detaching at the moment. He's been coming down this week - the withdrawal is hitting hard. And I"m ignoring it. That's his consequence for his choices. He lost his work laptop and passport - that's his consequence. He will lose his job next week - that's his consequence. He's asleep all evening - that's his life he's wasting. He wants to go out and "top off" to get rid of the shakes. That's his deal. I'm just getting on with my lesson planning.

 

He yelled at me last week about the cleanliness of the flat. He's too embarrassed to bring his mum round. I cleaned last week. This week I've cleaned MY stuff. Done MY laundry. He cut his foot, there's blood on the floor - he's cleaning it up. There's dog hair all over the place - I'm not cleaning it. I'm not cleaning up the food he's left everywhere. I'm not throwing away his empty cigarette packets. His beard trimmings are in the sink. I'm not cleaning up the socks he left in the lounge. It's driving me mad... but I am NOT going to clean it up. His mum is coming down tomorrow and that is how the flat is. My stuff is in a tidy pile. And clean. And I've told her exactly why its a mess. 

 

Passive aggressive or detaching? I don't know but I do know... I'M NOT CLEANING IT!!!!! biggrin



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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2795
Date:

Good for you, MizzB!!!

Before I left my AH, I spent several months doing the same thing. I learned on here that I needed to allow my AH the consequences of his drinking... that meant the messes too. At the time I figured, why not? I already don't invite my friends over b/c I am too embarrassed by his behavior. And sometimes he would clean it up. But the longer he would leave his messes, the crazier it made me. I ended up allowing myself to clean them up If and when they began to crack my serenity.

Hugs!

__________________

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2405
Date:

hey MizzB.....LOVE IT!!!!! let him to his own devices...I would take care of me, and bollix to him and his problems.....I will be so happy when you wake up and decide..."HEY!!!! I deserve waaaay better than what he offers" and you do something to bring REAL and healthy and equal and mutual and GOOD love into your life....I've never met you, but I like your spirit and your good heart.....there is a MUCH better mate for you out there, keep working the program and go get that better life you deserve...........HUGS of support.......and oh yea!!! GOOD ON YOU!!!!!!

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Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2405
Date:

 hey Posies I did the same thing with AH#1....I let the house look like a crap hole,  his dirty laundry stayed where it lay....I cleaned the restroom because there was only one....I ate take out food and the kitchen looked like a slop bin......his mother would come over and cluck her teeth at the mess but MY stuff and MY room  (i moved out and into the 2nd bedroom...couldn't stand to even sleep with him) and MY stuff was clean....when his mom would make remarks, I would tell her  "look at MY room---now WHO is the pig?????"  and she would shut up.....MY room was clean....restroom was clean because I refuse to take care of my body in a dirty restroom....I never lost my good hygiene or doing the right thing, being with him, but I could see that being with him was NOT healthy for me at all.........I finally found a way out of that misery....



__________________

Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 199
Date:

Thank you Rose. HE's in hospital for a couple of days so I've cleaned as I like my place clean (and the dog rolled in poo and shook it everywhere!!). I'm a work in progress and I'm taking steps to get better and get a better life in whatever form that takes. THank you so much for your kind words and continued support xx

__________________

"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 20
Date:

Good for you! No enabling there. I didn't clean hebsink and he left it dirty for a year! It was gross! His family was coming and he thought I would clean it ... They will do what they can themselves.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2405
Date:

 Hey MizzB...I like you and love your honesty and sincerity and just plain openess with decency poured all over it :)....and yep..Me too, re: work in progress....and you WILL have that better life...just get quiet within yourself and tell your HP  "talk to me---what do you want me to learn/know today????"  it never fails...the universal force of love is there, waiting for us to reach out and be in the now so love energy can connect with us.......and of course you got my support AND respect........HUGS of support, always.......xo



-- Edited by mamalioness on Sunday 17th of September 2017 11:37:45 PM

__________________

Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME

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