The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone. I went to an addiction counselor with my A yesterday, and between two talks with my son during the week, and what I shared with the counselor, I SAW how broken my marriage is. And I do have to look at myself, and ask the question, why have I stayed with a person who has hurt me so much? And the answer is, I am as broken as my A. And with 4 Yr's in Alanon, I have many improvements, but there is something very damaged about me, that has allowed such an unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship to be acceptable to me for so many years. The cloud has lifted. Today is a new beginning. I will be grateful for that and take ODAT, Lyne
((((((((((((((((((lyne))))))))))))))))))))) WOW!!! what a brave and honest share....it takes a lot of courage to be willing to "sort oneself out"..I am doing the same thing with me....WHY or WHAT am I doing to perpetuate my being alone and seemingly unwanted or an "after thought" to the ones I care about???what am I bringing to the world around me???
I, too am damaged..That is why I am here..To sort me out...working step 4 is something I want to re-work , its been a while since I visited that step...yea, I am reserved and keep distance with folks till I feel safe, but I am talking about my family...seems to me, by all appearances , I am an afterthought of late... so what is up with me?? drawing this to me???? I know I fear strangers and I am wary of folks not proven safe, but like this death of my sister, I have had to basically face it alone save for my BFF who has been a Godsend....and as you say TODAY is a new beginning....STep 4 here I come..I want to know what am I bringing to the "world table" that seems to keep me alone and "nobody to play with".....
((Lyne)) Thank you for sharing, I love your awareness. I'm reminded of the saying "more will be revealed". I truly believe HP will not give us more than we can handle and that we can trust in the process. It certainly does sounds like the cloud has lifted and more has been revealed. I'm so sorry you're feeling sad, I'm sending loving energy your way.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
I have come to believe that there is so much in our societies that encourages us to be loyal to those that we love. So many of my traits that I valued are the same ones that encouraged me to stay. The traits that I thought I needed to tame (anger, unhappiness etc) are the ones that were trying to help me to take best care of myself. For me it is all about balance and respect and taking time to know what is right for me. The rest is self care and love, a bit of courage and faith!
(((Lyne))) - I love, love, love your awareness. I'm reminded of the three A(s) - Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers - more will be revealed!! Take good care of you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I learned that I created the habit of looking at myself and seeing the negative and brokenness and sadness and also learned to ask other members of our program to tell me what they saw and thought. I found out often that they saw things; me, much different than I did. My sponsor taught me to ask myself the question "Could I be wrong" when being judgmental; often I was. I don't see you as you have seen you many times. You are dedicated, sincere, loyal and strong. so there. ((((hugs))))
This is also my truth too. I got the partner I needed to take me or push me towards the truth of me. Plain sailing type of relationship all calm and normal if normal exists wouldn't have put me on this journey towards truth and spirituality so I'm kind of grateful for the whole lot now.
I was in a similar situation...a crossroad..where I saw, actually saw, with clarity...how broken my marriage was...how she was living, how I had been living...what the new norm had become...and how unhealthy each of us was.
For me, and this is just me...I knew...I was either going to start to question why did I stay, why did I put up with, why did I allow, why did I permit someone to hurt me, why did I, why didn't I, and so on and so on. Or, I was going to focus on me and what was best and healthy for me to get better. Right then and there. That moment. Some people want to try and figure out how they got there. Some people just want to figure out how to get the heck out of there. Period. For me, I wanted to avoid paralysis by analysis. I could do all that AFTER I got the heck out where I had ended up. Whether I stayed or left, I had to get out of where I had ended up -- me, my well-being, mindset, etc.
I spiked up my meetings, got into a major work zone with my sponsor...got better, got healthy, and then in a healthy place, state of mind, healthy mindset, etc. -- I was able to make decisions, from a place of being healthy, intellect, well-being, clarity...and not a place of duress, fear, emotional suppression, and so on.
The clarity, the focus I was able to have and feel, and see -- was amazing. I am glad the cloud has lifted for you. All the best.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
So appreciative of your honesty---I have had times like this and "this too shall pass" and like u said ODAT have taken me through them. Keep up this courageous work my dear! U deserve it!
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
