What an excellent topic -- denial, expectations, optimism, etc. -- for me has always been a slippery slope. Actually, it's somewhat of a gray area. It's rarely cut and dry. I find that there is this somewhat fuzzy area where it's hard for me to distinguish denial vs. my expectations, hopes, optimism, etc. That was in my early days -- pre-recovery.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard in meetings...I should have high hopes, but low expectations. So many times, in meetings, we have talked about how expectations can hurt, cause pain, and so on. That's on me. My optimism -- for everything with the alcoholic -- almost always led to some let-down or even worse, pain.

However, ironically, it was not the alcoholic and what she did that caused me pain -- it was me, my expectations, lack of acceptance, etc.

I had to stop looking at what the alcoholic was doing -- whether or not she was going to meetings, was truly sincere and serious about living a life of recovery, was just going through the motions, calling it in, and so on. That's not my business. I need to stay on my side of the street and keep my side of the street clean -- not hers! I need to focus on me. So, she does what she does...and then I have to decide...what is acceptable and unacceptable to me, is this the way I want to live my life, and so on and so on.

While my AW was often very optimistic -- and some may say delusional, in denial, etc. -- and that's OK, in my early days, I too was sometimes that way. I had to focus on me and how I could change that, with me, for me, in me. I never gave thought to how she could _________________, expect me to _____________, and think the world is OK. That's her side of the street. Thanks for all of the excellent posts.