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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change (C2C) 7/21/17


~*Service Worker*~

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Courage to Change (C2C) 7/21/17


Today's reading is all about core Al-Anon - how we are powerless and can recover if we are willing to believe and trust a power greater than ourselves.

The opening line - "The people I love won't take care of themselves, so I have to do it.  How will they survive unless I ....." - that is often the thinking of family and/or friends of an alcoholic.  We use this distorted thinking as an excuse to interfere in the business of others, and are needs seemed so unimportant compared to those around us.  

Al-Anon told us we had other options and one of them is to Let Go and Let God....  Letting go can help us 'see' or be reminded that there is a natural order to life --- a chain of events that a higher power has in mind.  We allow life to unfold according to that plan when we learn to let go.  Learning to have an open mind and allowing others their own thinking or actions affirms they have their own journey, complete with choices and experiences.

Each of us has a higher power that has a plan unique to just the one.  If we are untreated or unhealthy, we can allow our obsessive interference disrupt our own connection with them as well as our connection with our spiritual self.

Today's reminder ---  I am my top priority.  By keeping the focus on myself, I let go of other people's problems and can better cope with my own.  What can I do for myself today?

Today's quote from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage ---  "I will remind myself . . . that I am powerless over anyone else, that I can live no life but my own.  Changing myself for the better is the only way I can find peace and serenity."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh...boy...this was me to a T.  I was totally insane in my approach to life and sincerely believed that if not for me and my actions, my qualifiers would certainly perish!  Not only was I allowing me to suffer and be less important, I was allowing my EGO to assume I knew best for all.

I am grateful Al-Anon showed me a different - better way.  It was very difficult to accept I had to influence on others...I had truly believed different than that for so, so long.  Yet, taking the first step and owning my lack of power over people, places and things and owning my own insanity truly began the freeing journey of recovery for me.

Like others, my concept of a HP was garbled in my mind.  I had the teachings of youth and I had my distorted perceptions and of course, my own will/ego - all of which created a confused state of lacking spirituality.  Using GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION for a long while in early recovery gave me what I needed to simplify my life and thoughts, focus more on me and consider the next right thing with me in mind.

Life is very different today and I'm much more serene.  I can watch others do their thing and not judge or comment.  I can make mistakes in my own journey and own them as I know now I'm less that perfect and that's perfectly fine.  One Day at a Time, I am moving forward enjoying the journey and no longer obsessed with the destination.  Thank you all for the gift of recovery!!!

Happy Friday - I get a 'break' today from company....my dad is golfing with my AH, my mother is going to play cards with gal pals, my son went to work and his two babies are at daycare!  I can say I feel very blessed as it's been 10+ years since my parents have been able to 'see' both of my A sons together and reasonably human....what a gift!

Planning to take full advantage of the break - played ball late last night and have early games tonight - will feel like 108 degrees when we take the field - make it a great day and stay hydrated if you're affected by the heat as we are...



-- Edited by Iamhere on Friday 21st of July 2017 02:13:55 PM

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you for your service IAH, and great ESH.

I see this as a pillar of ALAnon recovery, letting go of my sense that I had to do because others couldn't, or things would fall apart. As a result, I interfered in ways that were harmful to myself and others. I stepped in where only a power outside of self, or the powers outside of others should.

I've come to appreciate that it is not the nature of the higher power that matters, but the fact that it is not me, that when I stop following my old, unhealthy impulses and replace them with the wisdom of the program and guidance of a power greater than self, I find peace.

It is an ongoing, daily exercise, thank you for sharing this great reminder...and please stay hydrated, it is brutal out there!

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you for your service, IAH.

I feel like today's reading speaks directly to me, each and every day. With AlAnon, I am finding ways to keep my focus on myself, and stop getting in the way of other people following their own paths.

I hope you enjoy your peaceful day!

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Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu



~*Service Worker*~

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Hello IAH I am back from a lovely vacation, just in time to read your powerful share on today's reading I too had difficulty being powerless and turning my loved ones over to HP until a light bulb moment enlightened me and I saw that being powerless did not mean i was helpless -it simply reflected the truth --that i could not fix anyone else or live their life for them I could love them and lead by my example and if they wanted what i had they would follow, if not I needed to accept life on life's terms and love them anyway.Focusing on myself was the answer Thank you for your service

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


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The reading conflicted me as truly it would a victim of this disease.  I had no power and the one I prayed to didn't come thru fast enough or with enough radiance that I knew it was there.  I was alone and a victim and then in order to reserve any piece of myself for myself I resorted to a power from defense and an ability to ghost myself resorting to isolations of many types such as running away, lying, being threatening and relying on others to give me a story about me.  I became irresponsible for and to myself even when drawing attention to myself.  I was punished regularly physically, emotionally and mentally and created a fluid chameleon personality that did my best to remain untouchable by what I feared real or not.  I kept others at arms length for my own safety while becoming a threat to others who only appeared to be threatening as my alcoholic family was.

I didn't find peace of mind and serenity right off when coming to the rooms of Al-Anon.  I use my same deflective and threatening behaviors and personalities until I no longer could because they didn't fit my new reality.  I found I wasn't unique sitting in the rooms with other victims both male and female and made adjustments as taught.  I stepped in to to care for others because it was demanded of me and expected with justifications given by those who were placed in control of me time to time such as nuns and priests and the church and private schools.  When I didn't I was punished.  "You'll never learn was the justification given to me to explain why I couldn't impress or satisfy the expectations of my abusers.

Our program isn't abusive to me.  It is and always has been gentle, kind and patient and dedicated to my peace of mind and serenity.

I continue to make progress one step after the other. Perfection isn't a word or thought force that I entertain.  

This is a great post...difficult for me to fixate on for long periods of time but able to revisit it with self care.   (((hugs))) smile 



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Thank you Iamhere, that is a great reminder.

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Sharon 



~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks all for your contributions - great ESH!

Welcome home Betty - glad to hear it was a good vacation!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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