The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So after 8 or 9 weeks of sobriety, my A is going to resume her friendship with a married couple who drink too much. These people are like indigestion-they keep moving away and then moving back. I feel so disappointed and discouraged. It was hopeful and fun to think that we might have a different and better future. Now I am looking at more of the same, and as much as I don't want to divorce, I'm can't quite get any enthusiasm going for my marriage.
Now, thanks to Alanon, I know I will be OK even if I feel defeated at the moment. I do have hope for me. It's just such a shame. 26 years, finally having hope for us, and now it's gone. ODAT, Lyne
I can relate to the feelings you describe today. Your post made me think of the wisdom in working on changing what we can and letting go of what we can't.
I can definitely understand you're feeling discouraged - but having the strength and support of the program will help you through.
I love what YF shared because it's totally true. Without the program and wisdom here and at meetings I would not have survived the insanity of my own thinking forget about the issue of trying to handle my X's insanity.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Lyne))) - I hear you and am sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers. My best suggestion is to just stay present in the moment and lean into our program. You are not alone...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Lyne...I hear you and I sooo relate to what you are saying........With me and my X , it was just TIME to cut my losses, feel my grief and MOVE ON.......You got alanon and the wonderful community.....sending you loads of peace energy.........
Like many, I too can relate to what you are saying. When this has happened to me, I get discouraged, then I get afraid, fearful, and then my mind starts to race. Off to the races. The committee meetings in my head, my mind racing, thoughts racing, and so on and so on.
My experience -- and what has worked for me -- acceptance first. I can't control the A, their behavior, their thinking, nothing. I can't control anything about them...I can only control me. That is innate and I live and breathe that every day. Second, because of that, I let it go. Third, because I let it go -- none of what I described above consumes me. It doesn't take over my thoughts, my day, my life, it doesn't tear me up, nothing. It doesn't consume me.
The other thing -- just for today. Just for today. With me, in that moment, right now, there is no real, actual problem. It's my fear, my concern, etc. Thus, the real problem, is my thinking -- stinking thinking -- and my reactions. Whatever "it" is -- "it" hasn't happened, yet, now, may not, and so on. That may not apply to you, but that's what has worked for me.
Look to the program, your meetings, your sponsor -- all the best.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
When this has happened to me, I get discouraged, then I get afraid, fearful, and then my mind starts to race. Off to the races. The committee meetings in my head, my mind racing, thoughts racing, and so on and so on.
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OMG...been battling this myself over this loss of my long term doctor.....i know this is totally unrelated to this thread, but the fear, racing thoughts, inability to slow down and BREATHE.....the stinking screwed up thinking....."awfulizing" everything.....but I am working as best as I can to stay in TODAY....TODAY I am OK....OH wow, your post , i can so relate to....this spoke to me big time...Thank you for your open,honest VERY helpful to me share......HUGS
It's not gone Lyne...just feels like it. What does your HP have in mind for it? Keep turning it over and find out. In the meantime love Lyne like her MIP family does all the way around the planet. ((((hugs))))
Thank you MIP family. I feel the love and support. Today I am feeling better and stronger. Had my F2F meeting last night and they helped me too. Love you right back , Lyne
The pain is real and grieving the pain is real. To be an independent person who's dreams are not tied to another.
I find repeated disappointments around each corner but in the mirror I see dreams and hopes swirling around to be caught by me if I only open my eyes to see I have them.
I will not let someone take my hopes and dreams because I deserve a happy life! I lost my childhood and I battle to keep myself afloat my adult life.
I can be the cheerleader that drives my life into pure joy and happiness. I can do this.
Catch your dreams and hopes, let people throw you a rope to climb to the top.
So good to hear you feel the love and support Lyne....it continues from my neck of the woods to yours today as well....(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
