The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading emphasizes that recovery is a process rather than an event. In that sense, Step 4 inventory is not a one and done, but perhaps even a daily search that reveals something new each time it is performed. These findings can then be shared with a higher power for help and resolution.
Today's Reminder: Facing our faults is challenging, but certainly well worth it. We must not be too harsh in our review, but it is recommended that we avoid making excuses and justifications for our behavior or blaming our qualifier for all of our woes.
"To overcome my faults, I must first know what they are. Then I must admit to them, and, finally, with a patient self-correction, diminish them, even if I cannot set myself wholly free." - Anonymous
******************
Yesterday's ODAT reading reminded that Step 4 inventory involves acknowledging good qualities along with those that need improvement. This is very helpful for me to remember as I can be hard on myself to the point that it ceases to be productive.
I am grateful for this reminder and the guidance that encourages consistent self review that balances fearless honesty with understanding and loving acceptance. Both have been necessary in my recovery journey as I have a long way to go
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good morning, Paul. Thank you for bringing this topic
I like the view of Step four as being an ongoing process. I find that I, too, tend to focus too much on the negative, and I tend to make things into larger projects than they really are. I can remove some of the pressure from myself by looking at step 4 as something that is ongoing, something that develops and evolves, and not something to be done "right" the first time.
I hope you have a wonderful day
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Great reading Paul - Thank you for the reminder that I can take a different view of my problems and accept them at face value,by not blaming my discomfort on outside events. If I look for my part, I will be able to use program tools to live life on life's terms.
If I start to blame others. it can be a way to avoid facing the real cause which are "my own attitudes". I can see myself as a victim or I can accept what is happening or has happened in my life and guard against self-justification and self-righteousness. It is very easy to make excuses for myself and blame my misfortunes on others, particularly the alcoholic.
I love the quote. "To overcome my faults. I must first know what they are. Then I must admit to them, and finally, with patient self correction diminish them, even if I cannot set myself wholly free." I found that I could just diminish my defects by reviewing my assets and gratitude list daily. These helped me to replace my negative attitudes with positive ones.
Recovery is indeed a process and I am so grateful that I have found new tools to live by. Thanks for your service
Thank you Paul. All I used to see were my negatives, and some were not even valid. I took everything to heart and was a "raw nerve" for years. So Step 4 is important, but some of my work on it is to find balance. Yes I will always have flaws and want to improve. However I also want to see my strengths, which Alanon has helped me to do. Happy Monday, Lyne
Thanks Paul for your service and the daily! Thanks to all for your ESH above me.....I spent many years blaming everybody else for what was wrong with me/my life. Boy - the program really rubbed me wrong when I arrived and it was suggested I played a part and needed to look at me/my part. I was angry and a bit put-off by it actually.
What I did learn in time though was the true joy and peace came for me when I was willing to look at me. Just to look at me, my life, my habits, my patterns, my attitudes, etc. The steps are the guidelines that helped me acknowledge, accept, embrace and work to change that within me that was holding me back. Before recovery, I felt others, events, the disease, etc. were holding me back. I don't believe that any longer and have found the freedom to move forward.
Step 4 was a bit frightening for me because I was looking at it with my old way of thinking....that included perfection. Working 1-3 before it helped me know I was not alone, program sponsor and trusted friends and my HP were cheering me on and when done thoroughly, there would be freedom.
I have accepted that I am imperfect and life is a process. The real joy is in the entire journey and the destination is secondary. I am so glad that we never graduate and get to keep learning - I consider it the greatest gift I've ever gotten!
Hope Monday's been great so far - if not....feel free to start your day over at any time!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm reminded of this fact (process, not event) every time I slip into the mindset that I am "better now" and "don't really need this any more". Which I seem to do every 6 months or so, regardless of how well I think I have learned the lesson last time lol.
I've recently had to come face to face with some of my own negative behaviors (a friend got fed up with it and told me so in no uncertain terms) but whilst it was hard to accept that yes, some of my thinking is still really screwy and unhealthy, I was able to listen, swallow my pride and decide to learn from it and do a mini step 4 on the whole saga. And that only came about because I have been reading on here lately and step 4 has been a hot topic so...yeah. Definitely a process that I need to stop thinking I am "done with".
Thanks for the reminder
