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After being married 19 years the drinking has gradually gotten to be a must have stop off after work at a buddies wont answer phone comes in lit no matter how it effects me or my just turned 18 yr old daughter, it continues. Remorse is getting less and less. Living like i'm on a rollercoaster not knowing what to expect from day to day. No physical abuse. feel lonely and disrespected. Sometimes I just want to scream or shake him and say do u realize what u have. Thanks for any support.
Welcome to the board, I'm very sorry this is happening to you... (((((Hugs))))). I know how it feels, the ever progressing chaos at home and feeling completely beaten down and crazy, I've been there... Alcoholism is a terrible disease that affects everyone around the drinker as well as themselves. It is great that you are reaching out, you're in the right place! If you haven't attended any Alanon meetings yet, I really suggest looking up a local meeting group and going... I went to my first meeting when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I found great help and understanding, and gradually became better. At the time I was also in a very similar place, undecided whether to leave or stay in a relationship that had become insane because of alcohol... My warmest thoughts go out to you!
(((Coasting))) just saying hi and much like Aline said, i can relate and you are not alone. this is like one of those clubs nobody wants to belong to... but there is lots of understanding, wisdom and recovery here and in meetings, so keep coming back.
Welcome Coasting, you are not alone and there are many who are in the rooms of Al-Anon who can identify with the s feelings that you shared and are experiencing.
Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic fatal disease over which were powerless. We didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. Because it is a disease over which we are powerless, the best we can do is to search out a program of recovery for ourselves because in dealing with the insanity of the disease we too become affected.
Al-Anon is the recovery program for family members, which you and your daughter are welcome to attend. Face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the white pages. It is at Al-Anon face-to-face meetings. I developed new healthy tools to live by, a supportive network of like-minded friends and found my self-esteem and self-respect once again.
Some important tools of Al-Anon offers are learning to keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time, prayer and connecting with others.
You are not alone and there is hope so please keep coming back
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hello Coasting and welcome to MIP. I can so relate to your feeling lonely and disrespected as I've been there. My then AH found a watering hole near his work and as the disease progressed his time there increased. Since he had a 1 hr commute each way and worked a 13 hr shift during overtime it didn't leave much family time. I too just wanted to shake him and say " what are you thinking, you're throwing everything away". They aren't thinking because alcoholism has no rationality and we didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. The only thing we can do is find out how to care for ourselves. Al-anon is a great place to find out how we have been affected by another's drinking and take steps to recover ourselves. Please keep coming back and thank you for sharing.
-- Edited by Stan1 on Wednesday 14th of June 2017 05:37:40 PM
After being married 19 years the drinking has gradually gotten to be a must have stop off after work at a buddies wont answer phone comes in lit no matter how it effects me or my just turned 18 yr old daughter, it continues. Remorse is getting less and less. Living like i'm on a rollercoaster not knowing what to expect from day to day. No physical abuse. feel lonely and disrespected. Sometimes I just want to scream or shake him and say do u realize what u have. Thanks for any support.
This is a progressive, insidious, cunning, baffling, enigmatic, and impactful disease. I hear you about the rollercoaster. I got to the point where I was afraid to go home because I had no idea "which wife" I would be facing. Even if it were only once a week I came home and she was drunk, it didn't matter. It got to the point where there was days I had to pull the car over about a mile or so from home, because I got sick and had to throw up. Very sad but that's what my life had come to. You don't know what to expect day to day. That in and of itself causes much damage to us. It is debilitating -- to us!
So what do you do? You can't shake him and you certainly can't try and get him to realize what he has, what he's doing, or anything of the like. Sure, you can try, but you will be unsuccessful. Why? Because he will not stop drinking UNLESS and UNTIL HE WANTS to. And there is nothing you can do about that. I am sorry for being the bearer of bad news. You are powerless and there is nothing you can do about his drinking. You can only do something about YOU. Focus on YOU.
If you are contemplating leaving, hence the title of your thread, I suggest -- go to face to face meetings. Find a sponsor and start working with him or her. Talk to them, meet with them, start doing the work, focus on YOU...and you will get better...and then you can make some healthy decisions, from a place of logic, intellect, being healthy, etc. All the best...and keep coming back.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
