The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't posted on here for a while. Things seem to get better for a while and then something happens again. My husband has been a little better than he was, but he lately has started doing something (once to my daughter and once to me) where he will question us on something and then I guess if we don't give him the answer he wants he starts saying we need to be honest with ourselves. He will then argue with us and make us feel like we are going crazy. Mind games????? He will be on his best behavior for a while and then drink what I definitely consider is too much for one evening. I have been going through a depression. Other things have been bothering me too. It's not solely him drinking. He works weekends and is home during the week. This has put a strain on our family life, but any time I try to talk to him about it (He always tells me to tell him openly what's bothering me) he complains that he doesn't like to be brought down. I have to attend most family get togethers (his side of the family) without him because of his work schedule, and I get tired of it since it's over an hour drive. In part I think I get tired of being around the drinking, because they are all drinkers. It's all social, and nobody ever gets out of hand, but for some reason I just get soured and don't want to always be around it.
I am trying to get the courage to go to therapy and/or an alanon meeting. My A has noticed my depression and has truly been concerned, but he tries to "fix" everything and thinks just me talking to him will help. I know he doesn't want to think that I actually need help from a professional or that I may need an antidepressant.
I don't really know what I even feel right now. I just felt like posting something since I really don't have a friend I can talk to who would understand.
I feel for you! Living with an alcoholic can be too much for most of us.
It always helps me to go to meetings. I asked someone to be my sponsor and work the steps of this program. A habit I had before having a sponsor was to have the A sorta "sponsor" me with all my feelings. Marinating in the disease in this way wasn't' helpful. What works for me now, is to tell my sponsor ALL the details, feelings, and stories I'm telling myself. She helps me turn it around to recovery principles. After time, I've developed some new habits of not needing her for as many situations as I used to. When I speak with my A about my feelings I'm more able to present them in a confident way with my HP right there with me. It's taken a long time, but the work is worth it. I'm worth it! Is what my sponsor reminds me.
When I can't get to a meeting I've made a habit of reading the literature and phoning fellowship. It really helps me break my old habits.
Sending hope your way Cammi!
Hey there Cammi - I am with mydogisreallycute.....leaning into the program brings me comfort and centers me when I am just not sure what I am feeling and my thinking can go south...I encourage you to do something each day just for you and to lean into any recovery you have there!
You are not alone - keep coming back here too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
