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I am obsessed, a lot. If its not the drinker in my life, its food, the gym, work, studying, food, the drinker, work etc on and on. I don't fully understand it. I can see that its part of my thinking disorder that alcoholism brings. I think it may be a distraction thing, a way of turning myself away from whats really going on inside. A procrastination thing.
Obsessive thoughts just keep coming for me and lead to obsessive behaviour for example, I can become obsessed with my phone for some reason and it can be in my hand for hours in a day, I can become obsessed about this forum at times, obsessed about my program. Is it a need to control? I can feel it in my body at times too, like this nervous excited energy in me and I've lost touch with the moment and reality. Its like I imagine, a person with a tick.
Ive read about it in Alanon and the answers seem to be quieten the mind, meditation, the serenity prayers and of course conscious contact with a power greater than me. Im wondering about the cause of it though. Any thoughts?
For me, it means I'm stuck in the past or the future. If I can somehow bring myself back to where/when I am right now, I can usually let go of the obsessing. I think if I could get obsessive about staying in the moment, it'd more or less cure me, lol
I think it's an unhealthy way, maladaptive way, to have control over our life, at least in part. I am guilty of same. I agree with the distraction idea, however if we obsess on something negative, it's not a good distraction. The longer I stay with program, almost 4 years now, the better I am getting at spending less time in obsessive mode. I recognize obsessive thoughts do not bring me serenity, and I would much rather be serene than obsessed. Obsession is not compatible with serenity, so I tell myself I've spent enough time focused on a,b, or c, so now let's move on. It takes practice but it is able to be lessened. I'm glad you brought up this topic! Lyne
I'm obsessive and also not good at " catching on" to unexpected hidden meanings. I actually ticked a lot of boxes for aspergers. But I'm also anti-label so meh. I totally get that human tick sensation. I get these bursts of mental energy and they're so intense that I don't know what to do with my body. Like writing for instance. I obsess over needing to do it. The analysis {plural) start racing each other in my mind FOR HOURS and rather than opening my laptop ( which I've developed a ridiculous fear of, a writer who's scared of her laptop for fs sake!!) I just get like you described. Eventually I open it and everything's fine. But I'm scared witless nonetheless each and every time.
I do get obsessive when I'm worrying about future outcomes or when there's something I'm avoiding. Often times the two are entwined. Best meditation medicine I got from here from our beautiful Betty was the alanon reminder to " take the action, let go of the result". Just every time that anxiety starts kicking in. Take the action, let go of the result. Sometimes I send a prayer with the action so that I still have some input into the result whatever it may be lol. Also I am sorely lacking in face to face contact with good girlfriends. I swear when it happens I'll be such a good listener because god I need out of my own head!
For me the cycle of obsessing actually takes the focus off of me and allows me not to take responsibility for what is going on .. I have to let go and let God in specific situations .. sometimes it is a matter of my favorite AA slogan .. move a muscle .. change a thought. It is important not to be complacent and to think about things differently. The other thing obsessive thoughts do is it keeps me from seeing the solution that the God of my understanding is presenting to me. So the less I obsess the wider my field of vision for answers that can move me forward.
I too find I am trying to control situations that are either none of my business OR I am forcing my will into situations that just need to Pause, Pray and Proceed.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
el-cee - great post and I can relate.....I can be obsessive about any/every thing and it took me a while to 'see' these patterns. For me, as I move forward in recovery, I can see clearly that I was this way before I ever ingested any mind/mood altering substance. When we discuss the disease concept, and the genetic concept, I am one who believes I was born into and with the disease or addiction.
As I consider my day, one day at a time, through daily 10th Steps year after year, it became obvious to me that my addictive tendencies go well beyond substances. My 'being' wants still to 'feel good' always and chases that obsessively if left to my own. I have worked to develop healthier habits that remind me to seek balance yet when my schedule changes, I can still begin that obsessive thinking/doing...
Cleaning, shopping, TV watching, exercise, cooking, baking - I could go on/on/on. My best days are when I try to schedule work, fun, program, rest....if I don't consider all of these, I can easily go into obsessive doing/thinking/planning.
So - for me, it's part of the disease and can't be completely cured. It can be treated through the working of the program as defined. My brain truly only shuts off/down when I sleep. Even when I am trying to pray/meditate while preparing for my day or for my sleep, it continues. I used to beat myself up over the inability to quiet my mind and to enjoy one thing at a time.
Instead now, like all other things in recovery, I accept that I am powerless over my obsessive thinking and tendencies. I've actually worked the steps on this because I justified many of these 'things' above as 'better than substance abuse'. What I learned is Yes - these are healthier than that, yet they are equally damaging in other ways as it is a huge detraction from working on me.
For as long as I can remember, I've been uncomfortable in my own skin. For as long as I possibly could, I blamed my family, parents, FOO, circumstances, etc. Yet - I kept seeing better adapted people around me who came from horrific homes and wondered how they not only survived - they thrived. It was this 'eye-opening realization' that had me re-look at me and see these things. I stopped blaming everyone and everything when I realized it's just part of how I was made, and I can accept it and treat it. I know now that it's not a bad thing nor even a defect. It's just a part of me that I need to monitor and try to balance out as best I can...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What a great thread El Cee thank you for posting. I call my periods of obsessive thoughts , the hamster on the wheel. These thoughts can start over anything from a procedure I'm worried about to something as simple as a critical remark that I took personally. It is very difficult when the hamster starts running to stop that wheel. What sometimes helps is to write down my feelings about what is bothering me and fold it up and put it in my God box. If I feel hurt I remind myself of what I used to tell my kids when someone said something unkind. "That person is not lying awake fretting over what they said today so why should you." Of course I'm much better telling others what they should do or how they should feel than when it's me. I don't know why I am obsessive, possibly another ineffective way devised to control. Thank goodness for Al-Anon, I'm now at least aware and can use the tools along with HP's help to turn it over and progress.
-- Edited by Stan1 on Thursday 25th of May 2017 10:14:56 AM
I so identify. but do not believe MORE THINKING is the solution, hehehe
what a wonderful gift to be able to NAME the problem keeping us in the dark, from serenity and joy and freedom... our birthright.
It is amazing progress that we are able to see this... something we couldnt do BEFORE recovery. The steps help me to name the problem (exact nature.)
But I do not see a step that asks me to determine where my problems originate but I have a brain like yours, lol. I know I come from a family of "energizer bunnies" and then I married one and then we went on to reproduce two more of them...
I always thought it was a valuable energy and some saw it as "enthusiasm." I really thought I was a "quality" human being, seeing how much I could accomplish in a single day.
until I noticed the buzzing energy would not shut up and my life became more and more unmanageable. My brain had been conditioned to just run wild. and so it did.
The step suggestion of meditation (I had noticed it says prayer and meditation, not prayer or meditation...) is so essential to my recovery for this reason. This is taking the action of putting my brain on a leash. Meditation is about re-training my brain, about letting go of attachments and keeping focus (attached to silent God.)
Some are inclined to believe it is "impossible" for them to meditate but I always wonder, would the Creator even allow that to be true?? Would we be so wired so that we could never reach Him? I believe it's just another delusional thought conjured up by the dis-ase to keep us away from beloved God.
The mind most certainly can be re-trained to concentrate upon God. we are never a lost cause, never. the principle of perseverance is essential for me as well, I get to decide how willing I am to persevere, to go to any length to get it.
Thank you for the post, I'm so glad to know I am not alone.
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 25th of May 2017 10:22:55 AM
Thank you for bringing this up, el-cee. I've noticed I often become obsessed about work, specifically not getting done all I feel I need to do in any given period of time. I think I've had these obsessive periods before, but this time is the first time I'm really aware what I'm doing to myself, which is worry myself sick. So that's progress on my part :) I try to accept that the amount of work I'm attempting to do is simply too much, sort of try to give myself a break. It seems to work more or lesd, in any case I was not as obsessed about that today as I was yesterday, and calmer. Thinking in the long run though, yesterday evening I finally sent my CV to a competing company in my field of work where I would really like to work. I had been putting this off for months, because of this, that, all sort of valid reasons, but I guess really because of fear, mostly. I'm unhappy about one aspect in particular at my current workplace, and for me to not get associated with the same rather ugly thing the solution is to quit. If I stay, I agree. I already had an answer that there are no vacancies available at the moment, byt they'll keep me in their database for future, as I asked in the motivation letter. I knew this would probably be the case, its ok, maybe in a couple of years. Umm, I guess I got carried away on the topic. :D
For as long as I can remember, I've been uncomfortable in my own skin. For as long as I possibly could, I blamed my family, parents, FOO, circumstances, etc. Yet - I kept seeing better adapted people around me who came from horrific homes and wondered how they not only survived - they thrived. It was this 'eye-opening realization' that had me re-look at me and see these things. I stopped blaming everyone and everything when I realized it's just part of how I was made, and I can accept it and treat it. I know now that it's not a bad thing nor even a defect. It's just a part of me that I need to monitor and try to balance out as best I can...
Great topic. This is something that I've recently realized about myself. This past weekend my RAH & I attended an AA/Al-Anon round-up. One of the AA speaker's spoke about feeling different than others, much like Iamhere did above. It was as if a lightbulb came on in my head. I don't think I've ever really felt like I "think" others do. As if I don't belong anywhere. I was thinking about it this week and wonder if this is why I worked so hard for so long to "look normal" and cover up my RAH's behavior and tried to downplay my son's addictive behavior. I work longer hours and harder than anyone else in my work group, to the detriment of my health...but why? To try to prove that I belong? I know I've developed some very unhealthy coping skills and am very grateful for my program and all you wonderful people.
I find that I really relate to AA speakers as much or more so than Al-Anon speakers. Have others here also found this to be true?
It depends on the speaker .. I relate to the AA open meetings far more than the Alanon at times. Sometimes I wonder if I could have been an A had things worked out differently .. they just didn't.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Obsession - Why? I use "just because" as the response so that I don't create another obsession trying to find out why I am obsessing. I use to sing when I was younger...solo and in groups and I loved it and now I am not younger still the music is caught between my ears and just runs and runs and runs and when I am not thinking it I am listening to the melody. What is wrong with me???? nothing it's not creating havoc in my life and I don't have a greater purpose to figure out at that time. I obsess over stuff I have no control over at the time and its about keeping my mind busy...very busy still the program has taught me controls like setting a time limit on the subject and choosing another topic to think about. Prayer and meditation...of course and one better which always works for me in spades. My culture has chants which are beautiful and powerful. One chant is a conversation with the creator; an asking called the E Ho Mai...bring to me, give me, the wisdom and knowledge.... Another is to the Rising of the Sun in the morning which is a metaphor of darkness overcome by light...wonder replaced by knowledge and the one most powerful to my spirit "Na Aumakua" which is a conversation to and with those who came before me and whose presence are still kept thru the spirits of others. There are many more and I don't want to obsess about it...lol Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I do get obsessive when I'm worrying about future outcomes or when there's something I'm avoiding. Often times the two are entwined. Best meditation medicine I got from here from our beautiful Betty was the alanon reminder to " take the action, let go of the result". Just every time that anxiety starts kicking in. Take the action, let go of the result. Sometimes I send a prayer with the action so that I still have some input into the result whatever it may be lol. Also I am sorely lacking in face to face contact with good girlfriends. I swear when it happens I'll be such a good listener because god I need out of my own head!
