The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My interpretation of the program and my own journey has led me to see that we all have similar symptoms having being effected by the disease of alcoholism.
I think we could all agree on the fact that most diseases have a common set of symptoms, like if you look up eczema or diabetes or any disease there are a set of common symptoms. We can read the common symptoms to identify and the symptoms may be used to diagnose the illness. We have our own set of experiences around each symptom but the similarities in our symptoms leave us in no doubt that we have the illness or disease.
We can accept this in the diagnosis of alcoholism in out loved ones. We come here and readily identify with each others stories and we can clearly see that our partners, children, parents are effected by alcoholism. Its clear to see the symptoms, its easy to relate to almost everyone's stories about the drinkers symptoms. However, when it comes to our own common set of symptoms of being effected by alcoholism we find it very difficult to see them never mind accept them or consider them in an objective and non judgemental way, this may be our biggest symptom and it keeps a lot of us from the medicine. We take our symptoms so personally. Why is that? We get all hurt and huffy.
My own experience with living most of my life in denial with alcoholism meant that I had very low self esteem and my defences were up and anything that sounded like criticism or an attack was just too much for me on top of the chaos and insanity that was my daily life. The denial was protective, I was so closed due to pain that I couldnt and wouldnt hear, until i was ready.
Alanon is like the medical book trying to get us to see our common set of symptoms, of course it does it in a loving gentle patient way one step at a time. My insanity finds the gentle slow process infuriating some of the time, lol. My own disease makes me want to hurry that process up, lol. Its like getting out of the crazy nuthouse, getting free and happy and then coming here and your instantly back in the nuthouse again. Then you want to scream at folks, your in the nuthouse, cant you see, just do this this and this and you will be free and of course they think your the nutter, lol. Lol, sorry, of course this is evidence that im still in the nuthouse in my own mind to some extent. I can see my insanity and I dont think we get rid of it completely. I can accept that I will always be somewhat insane, this makes me happy and hopeful because I can see my craziness and ive tasted relief to some extent and I know the medicine.
Anyway, I began by thinking I would try hard to make you see my point of view!! lol, I would try hard to sound grown up, then i saw myself doing it and then I could see the insanity within me still trying to change the things I cant, so I decided to share the lot. So overall great learning experience. Hope all you fellow crazy people have a good Sunday. Oh if your not crazy!!!! still have a good Sunday.
Terminally unique, hahaha, love it. Oh so am I, lol. x I was once told I had graduated from insanity to just being crazy but think ive regressed to full strength insanity again. Bliss!!!
Yes we are! ((el-cee)) I'm grateful you share your journey and experiences here, it helps more than you'll ever know. A wise 12 stepper once told me "it's like 1 step forward and 2 steps back", isn't that the truth lol! Happy Sunday to you too, let's enjoy being insane, just for today :)
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Happy Sunday all - I'll admit my insanity. It was a hard pill to swallow but necessary for me to right-size my ego and make room for growth.
I was not well when I came here. I readily admit some of my 'insane' ways -
- Wanting, believing and working for a perfect fairy-tale marriage when there is no such thing.
- Assuming all people defined marriage, honesty, integrity, etc. the same way.
- Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results (dumping the booze, confiscating the weed, etc.)
- Believing I was OK and all around me were the crazy, broken persons.
- Justifying, Arguing, Defending and/or Explaining (over and over and over again) why I, they, he did what I/they/he did what they did.
- Allowing my happiness to be dependent upon the actions, words, deed, etc. of other people.
I could go on for years. What recovery taught me is that healthy people allow others their journey, emotions, insanity, etc. and are concerned for them - not in the trenches with them. Healthy people do not make excuses for themselves or others; instead embrace and accept their humanisms. Healthy people can show compassion and then still enjoy their lives, days, etc. Healthy people can recognize and own their choices and consequences without falling apart and blaming others.
I'm still insane but more sane than before. The program has given me a new set of glasses to see what is as it is, not as I think it should be. The steps have given me the means to change what I can - me, my esteem, my thoughts, attitudes and responses. I am so grateful for those who came before me that shared their ESH so I could climb up from my lowest point and live life differently.
Make it a great Sunday all - off to enjoy more time with my parents - who wanted/expected me to go to church - and accepted I was not feeling it!!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
