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Post Info TOPIC: How do you deal with the anxiety


Member

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Posts: 24
Date:
How do you deal with the anxiety


Just wondering how you deal with the anxiety when your A drinks? I completely shut down and am in fight or flight mode until he goes to sleep. I always think I can predict when he's going to get drunk but I've proven time and time again that I can't. And every time I am let down. Even though I try to tell myself not to trust too deeply or get too attached. I don't know what's the matter with me. I am fully aware that it is my choice to stay, but I feel helpless. Leaving is too heartbreaking and I'm afraid of the pain. I really love my A, but I hate being let down every time I begin to feel comfortable. Any advice?

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3496
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Welcome very glad you are here .. I really suggest you start off with face to face meetings they will offer fellowship and you will see you are not alone. The inability to control fix or manage a situation for me leads to anxiety. One of the first things I learned was that I am powerless over people places or things. It doesn't mean I lack responsibility in my situation. It means that I can start putting the focus on me and not if the a is drinking or not. I hope you will keep coming back. Hugs s ;)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 963
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Hi madowl...I second Serenity. Any time I am struggling, I increase my recovery activity: meetings, reading, meditating. I never failed to find inspiration, peace, and a realization about what I could adjust in thought, perspective, or behavior that would lead to less distress and more peace.

Hang in there, keep working your program

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



Veteran Member

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Posts: 25
Date:

Hi Madow,

I would make the same Alanon suggestions but also would suggest finding an Alanon sponsor if you don't already have one. It's a comfort to be able to reach out to someone else in the program by phone at a time when there is no Alanon meeting available to attend and you could really use someone to talk with. Maybe there is a room in your home where you can go to get away from the drinking and try to feel calmer and safe? Receiving love from a pet helped me during those times also. I hope you'll keep coming back to share with us. Online meetings here can also help for feeling less alone.  (((hugs)) TT



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 15
Date:

I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety over this same thing. I never know when my A is going to drink "too much." I have had major anxiety and am struggling with depression. I don't think it all has to do with my A, but I know some of it does. I still have not gone to Alanon, but I am definitely considering it. My A has not gotten physically abusive with me, but he does, in my opinion, play mind games when he's drinking. Hugs to you. As someone who is also struggling with this, I do understand.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
Date:

I too step up my program work.....at any point that my mind begins to obsess and/or project, I do anything I know that is healthy to change my thinking patterns - call a program friend, get online, read from the literature, listen to music, read a great novel, clean a closet, and then some.....

I do anything that I can to modify what's happening - healthy choices......I also love slogans at times like this such as - this too shall pass.

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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