The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page carries the important reminder that in AlAnon, everything about our program is suggested, not required. We are free to "Take what we like, and leave the rest." We can choose slogans, steps, higher power, or what works for other members at our own pace or not at all.
We can customize individual parts of the program to fit our needs, understanding, and capacity for growth and development. We make choices that are best for us, based on what we and our higher power are ready for.
Today's Reminder: By taking what is helpful and leaving the rest, I can benefit from shared Experience, Strength, and Hope and still stay true to myself.
"With the help of this program and my Higher Power, I take charge of fashioning, shaping , choosing what kind of life I will have." - ...In All Our Affairs
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I was raised in an extreme, rigid 1984-type environment where dissent or deviation from the stated belief system, conduct code, and God-view was not tolerated, rarely even witnessed. I so appreciate that the program offers room for individual growth and reconstruction of fundamental concepts.
I found immediate relief in the program by using the basic slogans and tools, but it was many months before I came to terms with a higher power that I could move forward with. It was after that when I began my formal step work.
Because of the power and success I saw in the program, when my thinking differs from the program, I try to give the program way a shot because my methods were not effective. The "leave the rest..." part has been helpful for me to not get hung up on differences of opinion at meetings or groups.
I still fight the tendency to be rule driven and thought and behavior policeman, but practice with the principals of the program are helping me learn a better way. I am very grateful for the wisdom of the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
"Take what you like and leave the rest" made Alanon a welcoming place for me. It meant that I could use the tools that made sense to me right away, and not worry about the rest. And, it meant that I was free to define my own understanding of HP, and not worry about other people's understanding of HP. There was no requirement to buy into dogma, which made it easier to say what was on my mind and in my heart.
Have a great day, everyone!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I love this concept. It's very much what kept me coming back- knowing that if I wasn't comfortable with a part of the program, or if what someone was telling me was at odds with what I know to be true for me, I was/am welcome to bypass it and continue to find the tools and ideas that are right for me and my journey. I was really delighted when I discovered this part of the program as I do not tolerate being "bossed" very well. (Like you, Paul, I was raised in an excessively rigid and strict manner, however my reaction was to leave home at 15 and spend the rest of my life thus far trying to obliterate any rules that dare cross my path, lol).
For me this is a great example of the ways in which this program makes it possible to focus on the positive and take the power away from the negative
Thank you Paul for your service. Today's reminder has allowed me the freedom to work my program at my own pace. There have been times when others have shared their ESH or program has made suggestions and I wasn't ready to hear it yet, so I "leave it". Usually with time I accept I'm powerless and am willing to stop doing things my own way and I go back and do what program suggests :)
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Great page, great shares - thank you Paul for your service and today's daily! I too was raised with structure and a rigid ideology of what was 'right' and what was 'wrong'. From the FOO upbringing came a grandiose sense of righteousness and low self-esteem. When I arrived in recovery and found the suggested steps and the principles, I too felt some relief in realizing things are not so very black/white.
I've never felt pressure to go faster, finish stronger or seek an A grade in recovery. I do believe we get out what we put in and aligning as best we can with the intended program results in rewards, there is no race and there is no perfection. This is way different than I was raised and awkward at first but rewarding.
I recall vividly attending the first few meetings and folks WOULD NOT offer advice for my concerns. Of course, my concerns had nothing to do with me - I had arrived seeking the holy grail solution to fix my A(s). I was not happy that there wasn't an easy fix for 'them'. Of course, as I began to digest the words spoken to me and the literature suggested, I began to realize I could only work on me and not change/fix/cure anyone else.
There are always one/two who shell out advice, statistics, etc. in recovery and even if I agree with what is shared, I tend to give space. For me own progress and growth, I have to stick with the winners, and those advice-givers are too close to what I've worked to leave behind. Before recovery, I could easily sit down and write a life-plan or action-plan or 1-5-10 year goals for anyone who asked....yet - looking at me wasn't important as I thought my way was the best way.
Recovery has opened my mind, heart and ears to listen for the message and digest what's applicable to me. I can simply set aside what's not for me, and allow others their journey. My journey, growth and recovery are my responsibility and that works across the board....
Happy Wednesday (Hump Day) to one and all - rainy and cooler here today - off to run errands and a noon meeting! Make it a marvelous day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good evening Paul, thanks for posting your thoughts on this important topic. I always marvel at how well the Al-Anon program understood my mind and my processing. The principles and suggested tools were very appropriate to my way of thinking and being.
I wanted to be in control and not have anyone tell me what to do. If someone told me something was black. I would argue with them and say it was white that was my disease.
Entering Al-Anon and discovering this is a fellowship of equals, with nobody in control and all of us guiding the program I did not have to challenge anyone. I simply had to open my mind and process the information that was being provided. I too decided that by keeping an open mind and giving up my old hard and fast rules, I would benefit, and so I did.
Take what you like and leave the rest has always been a wonderful principle for me to live by. My sponsor's shared with me to take what you like and leave the rest. Simply means you only had to use whatever program tools you want and:" leaving the rest "means you don't challenge argue about or try to disprove the rest. That wisdom was very important for me to process. I hope you had a great day
