Hi Runi, This is a great topic and I appreciate how you are trying to understand this word that we sometimes hear people say. I agree that calling someone "toxic" does not show the understanding and forgiveness that our program strives for.

We are all at different stages of our own recovery. It is not easy to reach that state when our anger toward others turns into something more productive, and all of us in any given meeting might not have reached that state yet. I know it took me quite a while and intensive work on myself. I remember vividly the feeling of wanting to get away and stay away from certain individuals because I felt sick when around them, and my attitude toward them was very negative.

When I hear the word "disease," it helps me understand that alcoholism is recognized as a condition by the medical profession, and that people who have this condition are suffering. I guess it's really the intention behind the word, rather than the word itself. I could say, "He is sick" and mean it with compassion, or I could mean it as an insult. I could also mean that their sickness is contagious and for my own health I have to stay away from them until they have recovered. So in choosing my own words, I'd have to ask what my motivation is.

I think it is admirable when someone decides that he or she won't use a word like "toxic" because it doesn't fit with their principles and goals. As for what other people say, we can "take what we like and leave the rest."

I heard a wonderful thing from someone in a meeting once.  She said she had to take a "leave of absence" from certain people in her life.  I loved that because it was a respectful way of saying she had to stay away from certain people, but left the door open for possible improvement in the future.