The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Does it ever stop? I just want to live a normal life with my son. I dont want to be yelled at for not believing him. And then that be the reason it pushs me away so i dont want to see or hear him. But then my AH blame me for his drinking bc my son and I are not around. Its not fair i have to be the one spending all this money in court to set boundaries and a parenting plan. Its not fair that my son will not have 2 parents under 1 roof. Itruly tried to make the relationship work after an order of protection and $10,000 worth of legal fees plus all the hurt he caused my family. I dont understand how my AH feels entitled to anything and everything. When hes caused so much pain.
Im sorry Im rambling but I dont have anyone to talk to and i just found this from googling
Welcome to MIP,
I am sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a family disease. It does not discriminate against anyone, it effects people of all kind. It is progressive and will only get worse in time if the alcoholic does not get help. In Alanon we find hope that we can learn how to have healthy, happy lives despite the conflicts and heartaches we feel because of someone else's drinking. We meet people like ourselves, so we do not feel so alone. I do not know anything more than what you have written but I am sure you are very brave to try and make a better life for you and your son. It is not an easy decision to leave a loved one because of an addiction. I am glad that you found the forum, and I hope you come back.
Hello Mama ,Welcome, Alcoholism is a progressive. chronic, fatal disease over which we are powerless.
You ask does it get any easier? and the answer is by searching out Al-Anon face-to-face meetings and developing new and constructive tools to live by, it does. This enabled me to reclaim my self-esteem and my life. Receiving the support of people who understood as no one else could was crucial to my recovery.
Al-Anon holds face-to-face meetings in most communities so I suggest that you check the white pages and call the number to determine where the meetings are held and the time schedule.
You are not alone and there is hope. Please do keep coming back here as well
I too send warm welcome to you Mama - glad you found us and joined right in. The disease is destructive and damaging...there is no doubt. I agree with what Betty suggests - find some recovery tools and support just for you. I totally understand your anger and it does get better because you get better.
I also am sorry for all the pain the disease and diseased is bringing. Your 'wants' are very real and doable - keep them in mind as you trudge forward.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Aloha Momma and welcome to the board and family. It sounds like you have been qualified to be here with us for a while. Alcoholics blame and the family accepts the blame and often considers it as real. It isn't real and the alcoholic needs to feel a sense of winning because the alcohol and the disease is tearing him up also his anger is about not being able to accept his powerlessness over the drinking.
I learned how to live just one day at a time and to focus on the program for just that period of time until the next day.
Stick around and listen to the suggestions from the other family members and keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Yes it gets easier. It did for me when I joined alanon. I searched online for my nearest meeting and almost instantly my life changed lines. It's never been better. I got to alanon when I felt like you did. I had had enough I was well and truly beaten by the disease. I was angry bitter resentful completely miserable. I had reached my own rock bottom. It was the best place to start for me. Go to a meeting you deserve a life w8th freedom joy happiness that's what works g this has given me and many many others.
Hugs and welcome .. It does .. It takes time .. getting divorced took me 15k and 3 years another 2 for financials. I think I was fortunate my ex just kept and keeps screwing up .. His attorney basically told him to fight me it would be high double digits. He just was not in a position to do anything. The kids and I were even able to move out of state. I'm just so sorry you are experiencing this .. You are right it's not fair .. Unfortunately I missed the guarantee it would be .. Alanon helped me get sanity back into my life and help my kids deal with theirs. Big hugs. You aren't alone.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
HI Mama, welcome...some great contributions above, I hope you are able to find some things that are helpful as you face some very difficult circumstances and choices ahead.
I found AlAnon four years ago and found incredible relief and practical guidance from what I heard at the meetings I attended and literature I read daily. I came to a much healthier perspective and made much better choices for myself and for the drinker in my life.
When I think about whether one thing is "easier" than another, I think of effort applied. In this sense, the effort required to remain seated on a couch is much less than that required to climb a mountain. Most would agree that sitting on the couch is easier than the climb. The rewarding view from the mountain top and feeling of accomplishment and exhilaration from the climb, however, more than make up for it in my opinion.
In terms of pure mechanical effort, the requirements for eating either a bowl of seafood pasta or cockroaches is the same. The effect on our state of mind and the taste that lingers in our mouth, however, is quite different. Same effort, different choice of where we apply it, drastically different experience.
I found incredible relief and a much better way of living from applying the things I learned in AlAnon. In terms of actual effort, I would say I have worked, and continue to work, very hard to maintain the peace I have and to continue to increase my ability to find serenity despite what goes on around me.
I would say I work harder today to make myself a better human being for myself and to enjoy interaction with others than I did when I first came to AlAnon. On the other hand, I have drastically reduced the effort, thought and energy that I direct toward trying to change others, including my qualifier. My return on effort is drastically different, however, as before AlAnon my tactics actually made things worse.
In terms of pure mechanics, it may be even. In terms of felt experience, peace, and serenity, it's not even close...the wisdom and tools I discovered in AlAnon changed my life in an incredibly positive way. I don't think I would ever describe life as easy, but I am very grateful for the choice AlAnon gave me to apply my effort in ways that have brought me a much better quality of life.
This is just my opinion, my take on life, effort, and choices as I have found them to be...in now way does this reflect a disagreement with the views of others. As is said here often: take what you like (and what works) and leave the rest for what it is, another opinion. Glad to have you here, hang in there
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
